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Thread: Thats That

  1. February 6th, 2005, 04:19 PM #1
    Stanza
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    Angry Thats That

    When You Caught the mood Of a Bad day,
    I took The Time to See what You Had to Say.
    But Your Reply to My Help Was "Get back"
    It's over Im sick of you that's That.

    When I was tired of being Last On your List
    And you tried To Make Up for It with Your weak kiss
    While I Took it And silently Sat
    Well No more Girl ..........Thats That

    When We got along well with time to spare
    Sometimes We'd Hold hands and just Relax in the Love chair
    Now we're seperated & I dont want you back
    It's Over , this Is The end, .....Thats That.


    I Had to release Some anger at the moment This is what Im feelin and this is off top the head ......Peace

    Stanza
    ~*~Only God can Judge me ~*~

    Battles


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  2. February 6th, 2005, 06:51 PM #2
    p O e T i Q u E
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    Poetique p O e T i Q u E's Avatar
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    ayo could be better worder but like hte message ive had that told to me before lol funny not no more tho im doing right by my baby
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  3. February 6th, 2005, 09:34 PM #3
    .verity.
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    heart felt, but very simple. i liked the concept but i feel you could express yourself alot better. Example would be to use more imagery express yourself so the reader can veiw the problem feel the words and become "you" for the moment. I think your structure needs some work, at least try and find a structure it seem everything was just thrown all around. none the less dont get me wrong i really enjoyed this peice. it just needs some work in my mind. neway keep droppin

    peace...
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  4. February 6th, 2005, 09:39 PM #4
    Varentao
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    It was blunt. And i liked it blunt. You got yer message out. And that's, er...that.

    But it isn't. Your emotion got the better of you with some of the lines you came out wiht. Like "Sometimes We'd Hold hands and just Relax in the Love chair", doesn't sound good. Doesn't provide good imagery for me. But i'll leave it at that. Cos as you said...you were getting it out. And so these lines will mean more to you and her than me. Just felt it could've been something more...
    I'm too secure to have a signature.

    Oh.
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  5. February 6th, 2005, 11:04 PM #5
    Stanza
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    Thanx yall ............And jus to Let others know that I wrote this rite off the top like right When I got On i Didnt put No time into this I jus got on and typed ...... and really im bout To Let Yall know that im Bout To cry Bcuz I jus Left the gurl that I thought I Was gonna be wit for a long time and now I Jus need to Let out some anger
    so I was jus lettin Out Our past and How I jus fucked Up by Lettin her go Its jus ........Oh NVMD I cant explain it

    Uppin for alot of more replies
    ~*~Only God can Judge me ~*~

    Battles


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  6. February 7th, 2005, 08:39 AM #6
    Stanza
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    CmonYall I need Some more replies ..............................
    ~*~Only God can Judge me ~*~

    Battles


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