Flow 101

[warchild]

this is just a verse with a couple of punchlines im working on some deeper shit at the moment so that will be my next post.
most of u probably wont get the chingy punchline.

i recite my raw rhymes with precision
you need much more time and rhythm
when you sit down with a pen and pad
im not the type to buy and benz and brag
im a poor cat with a hundred raw raps
off the top of the dome even whores clap
put my name in ya rhymes you can watch ya day go vanish
your raps run outta steam quicker than a j lo marriage
and if you dont laugh at the punchline
your the type to lick balls in the lunchline
while your in jail for robbing old ladies
ive got every mc sobbing my flows crazy
i shred syllables im much more than dead liberal
making love is mindnumbing but getting heads critical
im the type to knock out nuns with a plank
your the type to hand out guns in a bank
my rhymes are on fire muthafucka so let em burn
if americans aint stupid how how come bush got a second term?
your rhymes are softer than my jimmy around grannies
my flow is more hard than chingy around trannies

critisicm welcome but this took me about 10 minutes 2 write i threw a couple of disses at you yanks but dont take it personal they just popped in my head yesterday. peace.

[warchild]

Links:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=167403
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=167247

[Novacain]

This was decent, but it was all punches and no emotion...

I really do think these type of pieces should be seperated, it would make it a lot easier and people would get more feedback i think

This isn't hating on this btw warchild, it was a decent drop and i liked the Nuns line, an got the chingy bit.

nice work

[Brian Amaya.]

Decent...but lacked the style to keep me out of boredom.

The words you speak are too simple. Mix something in, tell a story, give more emotion, try to create a deeper meaning within your rhymes.

All in all, its decent, but keep working at getting better.

[ActionJackson]

exactly, all punches no emotion
good try though, i kinda liked it. Your lines are so short it seems though.

[Ndustrial Minded]

yeah your lines are shorter, if extended it would be better.....all punches no emotion....overall it was a good drop but lacked emotion....and lines lacked length....nothin too critical just somethin that could easily be improved

[Genetic Carnage]

All punches. Extend them or something and it will be a lil bit better. You should make a remix of this. 7/10

[LM]

I aint gonna mention emotion coz it's obvious you weren't goin for it here. But the punchlines were pretty good, not the best I've seen but were enough to keep me readin. Flow was ok.

Overall, good drop for what you were tryna do. Keep droppin

[lyrically_insane]

yo decent drop bro....tha lines coulda been extended and a lil more emotion......but you might not have tried to go for emotion!!!....punchlines were ok.....otherwise keep droppin dawg!!!!

[LivenLegend]

dis was iight, i was juss mostly feelin ya mulitiz, ya opening was coo, if u through in some harder punchez i woulda been feelin it mo, yea it was coo, keep elevate'n homie * Peace *

[Rodge]

too played and simple...good flow though

[warchild]

thank for the replies this verse was just a verse of punches and funny rhymes i said it wasnt gonna be emotional and people were saying it had no emotion. it wasnt supposed 2 have any.my next post will be some deeper stuff.

[IwIlLmErKyOu]

yeah war...i was feeling it, pretty decent piece here. you had good flow, structure and everything, just keep elevatin a little bit