The Untitled..

[Expo.]

His soul is cold, living in a hell house of a broken home
His best friend just got sentenced and he's got no parole
His life's a wreck, thing is he's not the one to blame in fact
The music he listen's to is turning him into a pure maniac
His problems within drive him to the point to raise a fist
But he's only frustrated cause his parents never gave a shit
People just don't understand, and their always lying it seems
So as a relief he spend's most of his time on the streets
He searches for a job, he's serious deep down in his spirit
But no one will trust him because of his outer appearance
So he results to rap, and in the beginning its boring not hot
But adjusts to it when he starts to spit on corners and blocks
It doesn't matter anymore, he's just been given Life's Token
Don't care about spitting an Open Mic, he leave's the Mic Open
He take's it personal and without a doubt he's the best writer
From Battles to Bragging, everyone know's he wrecks cyphers
Along with loving the sound, he's chasing the waves of music
He was always cool, but I guess that at times it pays to lose it
When it comes down to illness, this kid knows that he has it
He's confident, and dare's anyone to step up for a challenge
He's broke on the outside, and his career will never be landed
But hes learned to cherish the thing called rap we take for granted...


http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=162681
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=161537

[Daz]

Word lets break this down.
The first 6 lines were ill and gave a good image to the story.
The leading lines had a nice flow and nice wording.
So, from there on, the point of the story was established.
Each line had a recurring rhythmatic scheme to it which enhanced flow and ineterest.
You could tell emotion was brimming from the peice as one who,
After experiencing these things pasts knows just what to write.
So, in essence the sum of this was a heartfelt, nice flowing peice.

Good Read.

[Logic Speaks]

I thought it was real nice. Flow was dope, imagery cool, but it kinda seemed to jump a round a bit much and it ended kinda suddenly in my opinion. But the feel and emotion was dope and was the most appealing part about it. I feel that making it longer and more indepth a bit could make it better but other than that...good job.

[Expo.]

Thank's guy's, greatly appreciated.

Drop link's if you want.

[F.A.M.]

i liked it was it was cool some down from the heart shit ,,like i say on many of my feedbacks i like hearin realism instead of the surreal life thats painted majority of the time in this open mics..this rhyme has truth to it eybody go thru this if i aint you ya best friend...we all binded in the struggle of life..this another page it was good it flowed and i didnt get bored readin it...one

[Toxicant]

I thot this was hot all around- had multies on the end rhymes which helped the flow and the imagery was really well written- I thot the story of it was established well also...great job- vocab was nice too-stay up

[Expo.]

Thank's guy's..

Inverse Gravity.

[Derive]

This fucking sucked. Shit for rhymes. Vocab sucked. Imagery sucked. IT ALL SUCKED DAMMIT.

Haha, j/p.

You had some nice imagery. Vocab couldve been better. The whole story was pretty nifty. Some parts couldve been improved, but all in all it was a decent read.

[Swift Death]

chea.... just basically the vocab was a lil simple... its a played cocept but you came at it at you won angle so that was nice... all around good peice... i loved te flow it was good and your message was there could really tell what you wehre feeling.

[Expo.]

C'mon Guy's.. Don't sleep.

I replied to Twix n Soc's Collab.

[Lay Doubt.]

i'll edit this with feedback later. just wanted to say it reminded me of Sing For The Moment by Eminem.

edit

i really liked this piece. the flow & structure was very good. your concept was nice also.. good imagery, i could picture the scene in my head as if it were happening in front of me. this was an all around solid piece.. not much more i can say about it.. not much feedback.. maybe up your vocabulary.. but other than that, good drop.. word.

[Mesmerize]

Id liked this, it surprised me actually. Ive never really ever read any of your work, but I thought this was nice. Vocab was a little weak though, but your flow and concept were great. You had some deep emotion and imagery in it as well. There were a couple lines i thought was pretty clever. Nice drop man, keep it up.


peace,
Mez

[Expo.]

Greatly Appreciated Guy's.

If anyone's down a Collab. Hollla.

AIM - HeartOfTheCity04

[Overd0se]

Nice shit

[noncentz]

i was feeling it the idea and story fed me non stop antisipation