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Thread: Hell on Earth

  1. #1
    Ink Thesis
    Guest

    Hell on Earth

    Hell on Earth


    Ink Thesis


    Sitting still in the corner, blood on the wall was printed
    Scars of torture covered his body, more than his own skin did
    Awoken by screams at dawn, he constantly falls in pain’s flares
    His eyes leaped across the room, hoping these 4 walls weren’t there
    The depths of pain heightened, as the weather maneuvered
    A dark, incinerated path resembled his future
    Mentally, his sorrow state of mind would last for centuries
    On his head, exists a mask, that erased his identity
    The demonic humans guarding the cells, mercy never released
    A delighted soul couldn’t be found there, like treasure on streets
    Blade marks found on the prisoner, right behind his head
    And the prisoners in the other room are either sore, blind, or dead
    He passed away, & was forgotten, it’s like life killed his existence
    So if he was sent to Hell, would there be any difference?
    The mystery behind the mask is dark, like clouds at night
    ‘Cause he never saw his own face once, throughout his life
    A story about the sun that never shined in this man’s mornings
    Also about a man who died in the same prison cell he was born in


    Peace

  2. #2

  3. #3
    SoNiK
    Guest
    Nice verse for the mood it was set in... I like the last line a lot, it's catchy. It wasn't too monotonous, so I didn't end up stopping halfway through the read. I liked this line
    The depths of pain heightened, as the weather maneuvered
    A dark, incinerated path resembled his future
    The words in it sounded nice and flowed really well. Good verse man, keep it up

  4. #4
    Destiny
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Age
    37
    Posts
    447
    Battle Record
    10-2
    this was dope, great read for me. the writer's voice in this captured me well. the flow was tight, the imagery was grand. my mind could picture every detail, the emotion was raw, the topic itself has been touched, but you did good on it nonetheless. in fact, i invite u to come out for Pandora's Box. we're dope at topicals, u should pay a visit. keep it real.

    peace


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    Overall Rap Battle Record ~118Wins~10Losses~

  5. #5
    :)
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
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    3,773
    Battle Record
    11-2
    nice read man but unorigial title....still it was real nice keep it up

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  6. #6
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Posts
    347
    Battle Record
    1-3
    yo this a gd drop
    nice flow
    emotion was koo
    concept was iight mayne

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    ya do real shit , ya get real results
    ya do fake shit , ya get fake results
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    this dude got sum gd songs on his soundclick ...
    Name : dimense
    thread...
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  7. #7
    Ink Thesis
    Guest
    Up...

  8. #8
    Ink Thesis
    Guest
    Again...

  9. #9
    Banned SirusX's Avatar
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    Nov 2004
    Age
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    Posts
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    Battle Record
    25-19
    I liked this.

    It was a good read and the italics didnt bother me.

    Good flow throuhgout the verse, nice spin with the concept
    I read it a few times because i like it. good verse..

    keep it up.

  10. #10
    Ink Thesis
    Guest
    Thanks.

    Uppin'...

  11. #11
    tonguetwista
    Guest
    hey this was a nice piece man. the beginning was pretty tight...but the ending line was way tight, a good way to finish...peace

  12. #12
    Predatorian
    Guest
    good rhymes, imagery, and flow... GREAT emotion.... Good job... props

  13. #13
    Ink Thesis
    Guest
    Fo'shizzle dizzle...

  14. #14
    Nephil SMZ's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
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    Fort Hood, TX
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    3,705
    Battle Record
    6-3
    Awards WOP Champion
    good drop - worded well so the tone was set nicely - rhyme was good enough too - maybe could be upped some but it was completely satisfactory - nice piece - you described it well - only real concern is that it felt like an excerpt - a little more fleshing out would be nice - unless you wanted that feeling - good work again though - keep at it - peace

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    I'm dead.


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    Hence Forward

  15. #15
    NONCENTZ AKA WORD~PERFECT noncentz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    Location
    j-ville florida
    Age
    44
    Posts
    5,352
    Battle Record
    7-14
    all and all i can see the gift for real neo soul style hiphop in you thats a great trait i can see you definetly going far if you can keep it up
    to love something,is to die for it ,if you do, your a martyr , but these days music is morbid, false carters ..prohet's for prophet no lie, look how our last martyr was crucified. to put it in it symplicity, you aint true...you wouldnt sacrifice a few dollars for authenticity..

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