Deep Random Shit, off the head

[Jay Mel]

Nigga's dont know whats goin' on in tha Hood
Everytime i make my rhymes, i make them understood
If he would run up on me with somethin, I WISH HE WOULD!
But i need a record deal and im ready and waitin
Still the white man in there big houses laughin' at there Military Ratin
But i try not to move ahead so fast
And when i Rhyme i try not to rhyme Vast
When im on the mic, I hold nothin' back
If you feel what i rhyme, you will know why i stay with my gat
Fuck with me and i dont mind making brains go splat


Just something stupid i guess, just off my head. Something i was feeling earlier

its nothing i guess, tell me what you think?

[Aight]

since this is open mic i don't give shit but love. critically, i think you lean on some crutch words that come pretty typical in hip hop...waitin, ratin, gat, splat...you feel me? but i think this shit is mad clean as far as emotional content cause its consistent...it tells whats goin on in your mind n shit the whole time, and that's hard to come by for a lotta people who let the rhyming words guide their shit. anyway, stay up...

[Aight]

oh yeah, and dont forget to drop your two open mic critiques so credz don't get on your shit about it. open mic rules, you gotta drop 2 open mic feedbacks to write one.

[Johnny 6-feet]

i dont think this was particulary deep to be honest. the subject matter was standard stuff and the piece was really short. i think you need to improve your vocab and add some multi's to improve your flow.

keep posting.

[F.A.M.]

what is vast? um you need to come up some more,but do you youll get the rhythm all love

[Lil_Wakko]

my rhymes so quick you miss em if u start blinkin
i lay down bars off the top of my hed witout thinkin
and my rhymes be kickin like niggas breath is stinkin
i got mo connections than when satellites be linkin
i break u in half like when the titanic was sinkin
you went from surface to rock bottom just like the titanic
u know im paranoid so for no reason at all i panic
and just like atlantic sea my flow is gigantic
im rarer than a treasure you find in ya attic
i dont breathe well but that don mean i asthmatic
if you want that wack-ass plaque then you can have
cause it wont be too long before im back
you done fucked up so may as well say "i quit ,i done had it"
ya rhymes be lamer than crippled jack rabbit
i saw the oppurtuinity so i took a stab at it
my jets get higher than a heroine or cocaine addict
if you got beef in the streets its also known as static
im reppin Chi-Town muh'fucka you know im the baddest!