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Thread: "OD"

  1. November 30th, 2004, 08:39 PM #1
    The Godfather
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    "od"

    my newest rhyme, just gimme some feedback and lemme know what ya think..

    I just took a hit off the bong, i think ima be trippin all night long
    my next step was droppin X so that my high would prolong...
    so i was feeling weird as i walked out my room
    but then my friend came up and said, hey, try these shrooms
    so by the time i had made it to the stairs
    my vision had become totally impaired
    as i walked down the steps, i could not see
    i thought i saw a monkey climbing a tree
    i took two more steps..smoked some cess
    and thought to myself, damn this is the best
    I finally made it to the bottom of the steps
    i was outta control and a total mess
    i saw crazy shit, like a little spaceship
    I wasnt feeling so good and began to transgress
    as my high went up and began to progress
    i dropped to my knees and began to plead
    dont let me die....GOD please!
    my heart was pounding, and my mind was racin
    I was gonna die, theres no other explanation
    so here came my dog rover
    "sorry "dog", but my life is over"
    i took too much shrooms, X and weed
    and i had pushed myself to the point of "OD"


    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...03#post1867503
    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...24#post1867524
    Last edited by The Godfather; November 30th, 2004 at 08:53 PM
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  2. November 30th, 2004, 08:52 PM #2
    Cinquix Incision
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    redruM. Cinquix Incision's Avatar
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    the topic is scary lol but i liked most of it and the vocab. was nice,, and solid structure....nice
    "ya i see you nigguhs mean muggin on poarches, unload that clip and watch em scatter like roaches"
    ima foo wit it! girl gimme dat pussy i kno wut to do wit it!

    I AINT NO BITCH!
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  3. November 30th, 2004, 08:54 PM #3
    The Godfather
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    thanks man..yeah hah a little scary, but i thought it was pretty tight

    more ups please...i wanna hear ya inputs!
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  4. November 30th, 2004, 09:08 PM #4
    The Godfather
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    c'mon someone up on his please..i need input
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  5. November 30th, 2004, 09:16 PM #5
    noncentz
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    structure 5/10
    content 8/10
    overall story consitancy 10/10
    creativety in theme 9/10
    creativety in worplay 5/10
    over all this was solid and very good read but i feel you could be more creative withj your bars that comes the more u post this was by far not a weak read just that i have to be critical on you.

    hey peep my new peace collabing with my crew dissing KRITICAL
    to love something,is to die for it ,if you do, your a martyr , but these days music is morbid, false carters ..prohet's for prophet no lie, look how our last martyr was crucified. to put it in it symplicity, you aint true...you wouldnt sacrifice a few dollars for authenticity..
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  6. November 30th, 2004, 10:42 PM #6
    The Godfather
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    thanks man, i just gotta work on word creativity and vocab a little bit and ill be golden..MORE UPS AND COMMENTS PLEASE
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  7. November 30th, 2004, 11:03 PM #7
    The Godfather
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    Moe Ups Please
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  8. November 30th, 2004, 11:40 PM #8
    The Jew
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    gas couldn't choke me!!! The Jew's Avatar
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    FUCKIN AWSOME DUDE!!!!!!

    YES... you said at school it be tight BUT THIS NIGGA!!!

    YEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!
    Meat
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  9. December 1st, 2004, 02:23 AM #9
    The Godfather
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    uppin....
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  10. December 1st, 2004, 02:54 AM #10
    The Godfather
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    up on this...i wanna hear some moe input
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  11. December 1st, 2004, 09:09 AM #11
    Ack Scent
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    Well in my opinion u coulda been more creative on the topic...but overall it was good. I mean u had the strucutre rhymes and some vocab...but there just wasn't this spice that it coulda had....I think it might have been like the last 4 lines that did it. I didn't like em all that much...but everything else was good.Keep spittin.Peaceezy.

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  12. December 1st, 2004, 09:11 AM #12
    Princess
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    lol yep i was feelin this made me laff as well nice vocab ect good stuff enjoyed reading it btw .. i lk ur sig good father
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  13. December 1st, 2004, 06:55 PM #13
    The Godfather
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    up..
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  14. December 1st, 2004, 07:27 PM #14
    sem thoughts
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    story is nice but your rhyme scheme is too basic got to improve on the flow although you seem to line up on beat. funny shit you know i stay blazing so i can relate. check out my drop lime light travels
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  15. December 4th, 2004, 10:14 AM #15
    The Godfather
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    up....
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