Broken Shadow

[Whitelightning]

Replied to Drug Bath and Losing Hope


When I First Got Involved, I Never Saw Any Danger
Divine As Jesus In His Manger, It Wasn’t Love In Strangers
We Clicked So Smoothly, It’s Like We Grew Up Together
My Future Looked Brighter, I Didn’t See You The Cheater
I Thought I Struck Gold, This Player Was Now Settled
You Handled Me Cuddled, Your Communication Baffled
Couldn’t Tell Me The Truth, Just Told Me What I Wanted
I Drop My Bud Blunted, I Loved You Full Hearted
You Were So Good, I Hoped Not Enough To Fail
Didn’t Treat You Like Any Female, Never Shared Details
Our Activities Were Ours, No Business Of Anybody
Never Snapped When You Got Bitchy, Never Was Edgy
Felt Safe Around You, My Only Time To Get Away
I Always Met Demands Halfway, You Never Did Sway
Love Infested Me Insanely, I Viewed Events So Blindly
I Was Proud Of My Cutey, My Mind Deemed Healthy
Even Today, After Many Depression Filled Days
I’m Still Shocked And Dazed, An Infinite Phase
Still In These Words, I’ve Never Badmouthed You
Still Praising Words I Spew, No Interest To Renew
This Road I’ve Traveled, Has Fallen Out Unleashing Pain
My Mind Has Permanent Stains, Only Unsettled Terrain
Boasting To Everyone, About How Tremendous You Was
I Felt Like A Rickshaw, Carrying You Despite Our Flaws
I Was Pickin’ Up The Phone, Calling Making Plans
My Part Spreaded Out Spanding, Gettin’ Buried Under Sand
Like An Ostrich Hiding Out, Ashamed To Be In Public
How Many Did You Frolic Frantically? Panicking Mentally
Sharing My Blustery Blurry Beefs, Distracted By Your Beauty
Our Attempts Were Failed, Refused Too Confront Our Issues
Continued To Cruise, Still Leading Me Bruised And Confused
Tried To Convey, My Trouble Mind Was Expanding Disarrayed
You Never Comprehended, I Was Transmitting Mayday Calls
It’s Like Two Different Languages, Never Paid Attention
Just Couldn’t Accept Tension, I Just Felt Like Dispensing

“Fuck You Bitch Just Listen, My Mouth Is Itchin’
I Love You So Much, But You Gotta Stop The Bullshittin’
My Soul’s Wilting, And You Don’t Seem To Give A Fuck
Tell Me Now, Why Should I Continue To Be Stuck?
I Have A Life, It’s Not Always About You!!
Take The Hint! This Shit Takes Us TWO!!!
Fuckin’ Lock Your Legs Down, To Me You Owe
Don’t Wanna Send You To Death, Ain’t Lettin Go”

Could Only Hope, That She Would Finally Fathom
Will She ‘Carpe Diem’, Or Further Alter Any Rhythm
I Anticipate The Day, When I Put One Foot In Front Of The Other
Like In The Hospital After, When My Future Multiplied Bleaker
Paralyzed For Six Whole Days, No Feeling, No Motion
Inside I Was Explodin’, You Showed Up Caused Commotion
My Stomach In Knots, Got Confused And Lost All Direction
Conducted Improper Investigation, Took A Lost Cause Action
Gave You A Second Chance, When It Wasn’t Deserved
Ya Didn’t Stay Locked Up Conserved, Never Reserved
For I Found Out Answers, I Made Tough Decisions
Terminated My Deep Incisions, Door Now Opens
A New World Flooded In View, A Hurricane Unfurled
Suddenly Sick Guts Hurled, My Stomach Infinitely Swirled
This Had To Be Acted Upon, Deeper Sickness Could’ve Developed
Inside I Was Bankrupt, A Tumultuous Case Of Being Corrupt
Pac Spoke Of Better Dayz, But I’m Surrounded By Purple Haze
Eyes Perma-Glazed, Slammin’ Into Walls Of Life’s Convoluted Maze
Spiraling Downward, Convinced I Was Another Hopeless Being
This Hole Is Heartlessly Bashing, Striking Like Tenacious Lightning
When Will It Cease, Will I Become The Lonely Survivor?
Will I Be An Eternal Bachelor? Will I Be An Eternal Gangster?
I Must Get Through Today First, But That Gun’s So Tempting
Don’t Wanna Live Like This Aging, But This Pain’s So Blinding
Where’s Cupid When I Need ‘Em, Where’s My Guardian Angel?
For I Pray Tonight....

“Dear Lord, I’m Crippled Inside And Out
Give Me The Strength, Just End This Doubt
I Wanna Grow Old, I Wanna Be Rich
But If That’s Not Possible, Just Flip The Switch...”

Amen.

[Cinquix Incision]

i like the structure, definantly, most of the rhymes were nice

[Johnny 6-feet]

i thought the vocab and imagery you used were very strong, the concept of the piece was original and well-executed. although i also felt that this was pretty long-winded, you could've condensed some of this down. the rhymes themselves were certainly not any cat/sat/bat/mat shit, but i think a few multi's would've helped the flow. it doesn't change the fact that this is a good piece though, and worth the read.

keep posting man, if you could rep one of mine i'd appricaite the feedback.

[Maven.]

hey whitelightning, long time no see =)

well, this piece was really really good content wise. i'm not even gonna comment other than that it twas dope.

my issues with this piece lay in the technical aspects, dood. you forced rhymes like mad! i mean, i'm sure it sounds fine in audio, but in terms of text stuff, a lot of your words most definitely didn't rhyme. So, unless you were trying to pull a sole or sage, then you need to work on that.

Your descriptions are intense man. I could see exactly what you were saying....and theres this weird tint to all your writing. it's like you're the "deep gankstuh". it's pretty cool, i enjoy it. reminds me of BA, a bit.

for some reason, i thought a lot of this didn't flow...it was just sort of awkward. it was like each of your lines was split in two, and the second half didn't always flow with the first half.. GAH, its hard to explain. I'm sure it flows when you rap it out. but it doesn't to me. but what do i know? LoL

this was a pretty cool piece. the content is really what matters, but maybe tweak up your technical stuff next time and it'll be all gravy =)

be well.

[Whitelightning]

hey maven..yeah no shit long time no see..been hiding out lol...

1) Long winded..nah...it's been a long summer....
2) Maven...it works out fine..yeah I was reading it before the beats and it was tough to flow..but the beat makes it good..rhymes and the bit..I hear ya..it's shitty on the text side..but you know my shit..it's all emotion...
3) Nuff Said.

[Swift Death]

long.... ill edit in a reply later

[Cinquix Incision]

^........^^

[TERROR CONVICT]

This piece was nicely executed, u had good vocabulary, and good emotion on this rap.
I like your expressive side and how u converted into a nice constructive rap.
Your lyrics did a good job in captivation with your imagery but I believe some of your verses could of been put together a lil better.

Return tha afvor and post-up a reply on my thread at open mic, aight peace.

[Cinquix Incision]

wewweee its simon from american idol in RB ^^^

[The Godfather]

those were sick rhymes, and you have great descriptions and good flow and i like the way it sounded

[Cinquix Incision]

yea now im going to give my opinion, it fuckin sucked i hated everything about it i hope ur skills die off cuz ur garbage as it is


lol no im j/p u have some real skills there and u use them well i like ur structure and ur vocabulary and the way u use it on ur wording....i like it , it's good

[Cinquix Incision]

i was playin, really nice tho

[The Jew]

i dig this dude... I really like it... I think that it flows like silk and its not simple...(in a good way)