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Thread: Can't break me...

  1. November 20th, 2004, 09:57 AM #1
    _BoNeBrEaKeR_
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    Can't break me...

    Who do you think you are fool?!?!
    Dissing me and my rhyme
    You're only wasting your time
    You'll never break me
    You'll never beat me
    Whatever you try to do to me it ain't gonna work
    So just stop being a jerk
    Even if you beat me up in any random place
    I'ma still gonna be comin back on your ugly face
    You always thought people are scared of you
    What? Coz you're big and fat? And you have your so called crew?
    Just go home to your mummy you mamas boy
    And just play with your favourite barbie toy
    Coz you're only wasting your time on me you ugly dick
    You can't hurt me, beat me nor make me cry you stupid prick
    You think you can break my cool, fool?!?!
    DREAM ON!!!!

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    Last edited by _BoNeBrEaKeR_; November 21st, 2004 at 10:03 AM
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  2. November 20th, 2004, 11:03 AM #2
    Johnny 6-feet
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    i thought this was pretty simplistic in terms of vocab and subject matter. i caught the aggression in the piece but i think you need to pick something original to rhymne about, and add multis to improve the flow. read a few pieces in open mic for inspiration.

    keep elavating.

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  3. November 20th, 2004, 01:13 PM #3
    Mistral
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    You need to leave 2 links to 2 open mics that you left decent feedback on or this gets closed, Thanks.
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  4. November 20th, 2004, 03:12 PM #4
    Vikkie™
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    was very simple had some good points in it very plain tho try n twist it man
    Life Is 10% What Happens To You;
    90% How You React To It.
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  5. November 20th, 2004, 03:19 PM #5
    Off Achase
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    Yeh Very simple...

    Work On some multis, complexity, and work on your flow. Not bad for a beginning. Keep Working, look around at some other peoples shit as someone said.
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  6. November 20th, 2004, 05:43 PM #6
    eight
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    they're all right

    u should try and even out ur bar length too... and try not to say things like "so just stop being a jerk" take your time and make sure you feel like every line is dope... u prob wouldnt even say that to some1 u were pissed at, let alone rhyme it.

    every1 sounded somthin like that on tha first rhyme they ever wrote, so if its ur first then dont sweat it, ull elevate quick
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  7. November 20th, 2004, 08:08 PM #7
    paul magic
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    it was gay as fuck bro to short no hate but it was bad
    Just Dope.
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  8. November 21st, 2004, 09:57 AM #8
    _BoNeBrEaKeR_
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    sorry bro i'm only new...i dont know how to do it...how do you do it???
    peace
    Last edited by _BoNeBrEaKeR_; November 21st, 2004 at 10:00 AM
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  9. November 21st, 2004, 10:31 AM #9
    Scip
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    shit was kinda wack i mean very simple and bars dont mkae sense

    wut u can do i atleast make a bar like
    Blablablah/
    blahblahba/
    so peeps readin can tell wut u mean
    just ELEVATE
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