Letz do this
10 lines min
you post the topic with check in...
due 24 hours after both check...
Letz do this
10 lines min
you post the topic with check in...
due 24 hours after both check...
c.'mon now lets do this..................lets see wuz sizzlin with this.....i love great battles
aight.......... The topic is "Shake Hands with murders
CHECK CHECK...........
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i am great arnt i..... check.... show me your heat Caspa
Feeding The Wrong One
Worthless and Hopeless parked on a bench
Brown paper bag of seeds in a clench
contemplating life, with one desire in mind
Something or Someone, so desperate to find
While sitting in sorrow a thought comes through
Seeds and Pigeons, now one and one is two
Some say lovebirds do not sing
but in this case, like cupid, it comes with a wing
But do friends use you and leave you stranded and poor
And do they come back every day asking for more
Once again love is playing the same card
and you're out of seeds like liposuction is out of lard
The crowds soon enough begin to gather and meet
Next thing you know a thousand pigeons at your feet
and the noise turns off like hitting the mute
There's a pigeon on your head so they all follow suit
light tickles and chronic pains
Sharp claws digging at a cold veins
Now you're in the record book as dying stats
And this is why you shouldn't be friends with flying rats
(the "you" in this is not refering to anyone specificly)
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Love Broken...
She always knew how to make me mad... used my emotion
but this time she did something i could not allow stirred comotion
we got in a fight about the simplest thing... semmed pointless
i took off my ring and threw it at her realeasing my built up stress
She grabed my mothers urn and threw it in rage against the wall
i grabed a knife from the kitchen the rest was a blur i dont recall
Woke up on the floor beside my wife lying in a pool, blood soaked
my emotions flood... started crying... my jewel gone... she invoked
Everything ive been building crumbled in that moment, my life over
How could i have stumbled this badly. one strife and i ruin my clover
One mistake to break my life in two... i cired to the heavens above
my hands shake with murder, hard to understand i murderd my love
uppin............................................. .....................................
uppin leave links will return the favour promise...
yo old man twix needs some votes here please you fools... leave you links
wow.. very nice stuff guys. u guys r heaps good poets. i luv the style n passion u 2 put in, in both verses. both verses had every thing in them to make a nice piece. im not really sure who to vote for either. both had good structure and wasnt stretched, both rhymed, both had good usage of vocab and exactly wat a topical needs.. im going to give this to twixn because it appealed more to me, and i could feel the way he used his words and the way he told the story... good stuff by both keep doin topicals..
v/twixn
plz return the favor by votin here.. thnx
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=155687
uppin..... c mon people..... please votes leave links...
anyone..... bitchs............... whats wrong with voting... have fuck loads of credits...
Ok this was a Tuff battle to vote on but im Gonna go for Twixn because he made the Murder scene alittle more clearer and he didnt have to use pigeons lol NO OFFENSE but his structure was a tid bit better overall and well the fact he murdered his wife and didnt know it kinda made this worthwhile to read Good shit Twixn
Im new to RB.com but already see enemies,
They say they spit but i call it singin Melodies,
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Return the favour please on JaiCee vs LowLife. See Sig.
Caspeare...
Flow - Nice, worked well, could have incorporated some multi's into the verse to make it flow a little better and to show some more skill.
Structure - Was a little off, but it didn't hinder the verse very much. Could be easily improves.
Vocab - Was lacking a little bit hear - no real imaginative words were used which would make me think that you'd put a lot of effort into this.
Imagery - Nice imagery, good effort with this - I could see all those pigeons!!
Topic - Was alright, didn't think you got it as well as you could have but good effort.
Twixn...
Flow - Nice, quite melodic the whole way threw, just seemed to roll off nicely... Lacking mutlis tho.
Structure - Simple, but very solid structure. If it ain't broke don't fix it, and your structure isn't broken. Nice.
Vocab - Ok Vocab, nothing astonishing. Had a little more vocab in it than Caspeare.
Imagery - Clever imagery, mixed well with the emotion in this topic. Vivid writing.
Topic - Got the topic pretty much dead on in my opinion, this would be probably how I'd approach it. Nice.
Overall...
I think Twixn won this. Just had the edge on most things, but nice little topical battle by both of you, shame it's being slept on (Like my battle with LowLife - hint hint!)
Vote: Twixn
uppin to all my nuccas up in NOR CAL...................... sorry
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