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Thread: Black & White vs. Grey

  1. November 13th, 2004, 12:26 AM #1
    Moniker
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    Black & White vs. Grey

    Black & White vs. Grey

    God - Satan

    Man (my creation) has grown, creating their own selfmade wastelands
    they've faded, alltered all altars as religions betrayed and changed hands
    You demanded obedience, serenity was found while stradling the fence
    hence the reactions of apathy, a calamity we must examine with interest
    I expect some to become tempted, left emptied by your infernal gaze
    rejecting my name, come to conclusion of disproving my paternal grace
    face it, your sacred salvation has been tainted by their internal graves
    embrace it, righteous or unrighteous, either way they're all eternal slaves

    Then accept my offer of allegiance, become an angel,
    fight alongside gabriel once again.
    I accept, replace my frayed halo and crimson wings,
    we shall reign together, once again...

    As humanity was reveling in a rebels sanity
    armies of demonic regimeis unvieled vanity
    not use to truth the humans fought valiantly,
    violently accusing God, cursing, dispersing hatred
    day and night the fight lasted while they bled
    calgaries cavalry headed by morbid horesemen
    sword strokes of symmetry shed, remorse ran
    death traveled upon a modern man's babylon,
    Angels quickly lost faith, knowing all along -
    that the devil, tricked God...

    doubts disbanded many devout memories
    the shades of gray changed, now theyll see
    Satan had infiltrated the kingdom of heaven
    letting every sin flood the gates and enter in

    Stories of these celestial burial grounds found unfurled
    God's glorious war cry heard by hearts round the world.
    A ruthless
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    of everything existing.
    Po'ethics
    abstanticollective.
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  2. November 13th, 2004, 12:34 AM #2
    Moniker
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    Replied to:

    Foreshadow - Scalene Nightmare
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=154797
    Ill Game - The Beggining
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=154438
    A ruthless
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    of everything existing.
    Po'ethics
    abstanticollective.
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  3. November 13th, 2004, 12:42 AM #3
    paul magic
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    it was cool kinda got lost the story point of view but i likd it as a rhyme good shit plese leave feed on mine its call

    Hot shit off the topa my head
    Just Dope.
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  4. November 13th, 2004, 01:26 AM #4
    Vis
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    you have a good vocabulary, an original topic..

    Now lets break it down..

    your flow and rhyme scheme (to me) was above average for a peace like this..
    and thats good..
    I think the structure made the flow even better..
    to me this was a great peace..
    keep at it, and I will be sure to read more of your peaces..

    Please return the favor:
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=154803
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  5. November 13th, 2004, 09:04 AM #5
    Chris Black
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    This was decent shit. Crative story. Some of the first lines felt a little bogged down, but I liked the story. Good shit, homie.

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=154709
    Hence Forward
    axis powers
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  6. November 13th, 2004, 10:43 PM #6
    Moniker
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    thanks for the replies. ill try to hit those links asap.

    Wicked - go vote on effect vs myself, if you got a few minutes.
    A ruthless
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    of everything existing.
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  7. November 13th, 2004, 10:51 PM #7
    JaiCee
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    Negatives...

    Concept - Has been done a few times before.

    Thought you could have elaborated on the story a little more - this could have been a huge peice of creative and innovative work.

    Possitives...

    Good rhyme scheme, and good collaboration between God and Satan - they play off each other well. Enjoyed the multi's in parts too - they just rolled off the tongue!

    Nice use of vocab in places (tho a small amount was quite basic).

    Overall - good peice, I've personally attempted the concept - even if it was a while back!

    Props

    Peace
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  8. November 14th, 2004, 08:37 AM #8
    Moniker
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    ^some alias maybe?

    blah at "the concept has been done a few times". i was proud of that concept, lol. ive never seen anyone, on this site or others post up a piece with the concept of god and satan joining forces to fight a third party. and even if they had, i added the twist that the 3rd party was satan aswell, so he just tricked god to gain access to heaven and take over. so yeah...

    i agree that it could have been longer, and gone more into the story though, but it was for WOP, and i was already close to that 32 line/no line limit. heh

    thanks for the feed though jaicee.
    Last edited by Moniker; November 14th, 2004 at 12:35 PM
    A ruthless
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    of everything existing.
    Po'ethics
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  9. November 14th, 2004, 10:38 AM #9
    JaiCee
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    Mindless...

    Yea I used to be on the boards about 2-3 years ago. It's been some time since I've done any writing and audio.

    Personally I'm real rusty - but I guess its like riding a bike, u never forget.

    Peace
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  10. November 14th, 2004, 07:47 PM #10
    Moniker
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    sweet, not sure if i remember you, but good to see you back.
    A ruthless
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    of everything existing.
    Po'ethics
    abstanticollective.
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  11. November 14th, 2004, 08:52 PM #11
    JaiCee
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    Aka - Ambient Light.

    Been a while. Truss...

    PEace
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  12. November 15th, 2004, 06:36 PM #12
    Moniker
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    ^think i remember that name actually. welcome back.



    up..
    A ruthless
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    of everything existing.
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  13. November 16th, 2004, 09:40 AM #13
    Moniker
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    last up.
    A ruthless
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    of everything existing.
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  14. November 16th, 2004, 10:31 AM #14
    LaYZ
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    im not all that cultural or wuteva you may call it but it had alot of vocab and its not bad for a piece dealing wit God power and wut not
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