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Thread: Forever on My Lips

  1. November 9th, 2004, 03:07 AM #1
    Ace of Aces
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    Forever on My Lips

    this piece is dedicated to my girlfriend, our first year anniversary is on the november 10. it might be lame to you but its not to me. i'd appreciate it if you left feedback on this so i can make revisions if needed. drop links and i'll be happy to repay the favor. thanks all to all who reply.

    Forever on My Lips

    I will decant my love once again, into the vial of your spirit
    So you can try to imbibe our lives of love while you hear it
    Your mere appearance, enslaves my eyes like an addiction
    Subtle lips that embody me entirely by its vines of friction
    A seraphic face providing light to every shadow inside me
    Reviving a smile beside the dormant lips that I’ve left hiding
    A soul holding within every crevice a sea that bleeds beauty
    Drowning my life’s decay with every breath that you breathe
    Soothing, is the texture of your touch when brushed against me
    An ever-soft luster to combust my affection into apprehending
    What was once pretending, has now engaged a taste of veracity
    Purveyed away into the place of your embrace by unmaskin me
    A lack of breeze, was saturated by the gust of your angel wings
    With the vindication of my very life, something hate won’t bring
    Now let us dance into the romance in which you’ve captured me
    So that I may dwell into the eyes of whom my standards breech
    The celebration of such love, envied by many but little witnessed
    Will scurry between the sheets of love as this day we burry in it
    Forever in a moment and a moment of forever is tasted by this
    And you’ve satisfied every bud of mine between each of my lips

    ~I love you Teresa Kim ~ Happy Anniversary~
    Last edited by Ace of Aces; November 9th, 2004 at 01:05 PM
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  2. November 9th, 2004, 03:08 AM #2
    Ace of Aces
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    pieces i hit up...

    Goby...Fire Starter

    Brownmagic808...sex

    hit this up please!
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  3. November 9th, 2004, 04:19 AM #3
    Death Penalty
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    nice piece ace...really feelin it. I'm new but this sounds like one of the best...it should be nominated...k homes
    They say the best are kept hidden...its about time I came out of hiding.
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  4. November 9th, 2004, 01:04 PM #4
    Ace of Aces
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    thanks dog, i appreciate it. drop links and i'll hit it up. thanks.
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  5. November 9th, 2004, 01:32 PM #5
    Brownmagic808
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    damn bro, your gonna make ya chick one happy girl from this. the word choice was perfect, the flow was real nice. the structure was fine and everything about it expressed how you feel about her. have a good one bro. this should be legends.
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  6. November 9th, 2004, 01:33 PM #6
    Brace4impact
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    Great Flow and structure Every thing came together real Nice....
    Heart felt and emotional .. Congrats on the relanship I am also In love with a girl
    It was just our third year together though my feelings are sightly different now.
    we have had our trials and tribulations But were hanging in there..
    This piece brought alot to the table....
    -Your mere appearance, enslaves my eyes like an addiction- Sick Line//
    Check out this piece for me plz...It about the end of a relanship... http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=15435
    ............Suport NEWTESTAMENT*
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  7. November 9th, 2004, 03:17 PM #7
    Ace of Aces
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    thanks to both of you, i appreciate your feedback greatly. drop more please.
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  8. November 9th, 2004, 04:03 PM #8
    Brownmagic808
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    drop feed on my peace that was tyte i wish i was your gf
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  9. November 9th, 2004, 08:05 PM #9
    Ace of Aces
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    its been done bro.
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  10. November 10th, 2004, 12:58 AM #10
    Ace of Aces
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    cmon peepz, please drop feed, its almost time. =)
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  11. November 10th, 2004, 06:18 AM #11
    Endeva.
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    alot of sleeping going on here i see....

    ...well, i thought it was a fitting piece for why it was writen, most importantly it was full of emotion, cant really say much against it, although some of the rhyming didnt fit too good, and maybe a couple of lines were a bit stretched... but yea good work, g/luck with the g/friend.... hit my latest verse man, when you read this.....
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  12. November 10th, 2004, 06:59 AM #12
    Mewreckall
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    yo this isnt lame. It is DEEP. I have got a tune like this myself. I thaught it was heavy and gave me some insparation. Yo its good how u showed ure sensative side lol. kepp it up bro
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  13. November 10th, 2004, 11:36 AM #13
    Ceaseless
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    well this piece was great, the best way to show love to sumbody like ur girlfriend
    good flow (as far as this is possible to say in a textual)
    u used sum remarkable vocab
    this dope nuttin more to say bout it
    I'll drop a link to one of mine later

    btw if u like u can peep the topical-battle in my sig... it needs to be finished thx

    Edit:
    the link to my latest OM is in my sig...I'd be glad if u leave feedback
    Last edited by Ceaseless; November 10th, 2004 at 12:20 PM
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  14. November 10th, 2004, 01:56 PM #14
    Ace of Aces
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    thanks to all, i appreciate it, i will get to those OM's as soon as possible.

    peACE
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  15. November 10th, 2004, 03:31 PM #15
    CAMROK
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    It's good for the cause.. well written..
    perfectly fine in my eyes...
    the emotion is there, great word choice..
    means she'll be a happy girl reading this,
    I don't think you gotta worry about the perfection
    I doublt she'll pick up on it, or worry about it..
    good shit, let us know how it went
    PandorasBox



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