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Thread: Entering the Unknown

  1. September 5th, 2004, 11:50 AM #1
    CAMROK
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    Entering the Unknown

    August 10, 1892

    Dear Journal, see the date above.. tonight I'm kinda scared
    A bad feeling lingers within & the last battle to survive- we bared
    Just a hostile area, while these red skins are absolute ferocious
    "So this land can be ours?" it's theirs, and at this time they host us
    They know us & our tendencies.. and damn, their courage tremendous
    Not nervous they ride with arrows & spears - we got guns to defend us
    We kill them all & rape their wives - I put myself in their situation...
    & I kinda see why they cut out scalps raw & hate us worse then Satan
    If I were indian I would too, and for this I cannot lie...
    But this is my duty, a new & better America is what I stand by
    It's just sitting in this valley, looking at this hill on the country-side
    Tomorrow we ride above it & severely wipe out the rest of this tribe...


    August 12, 1892

    Holy shit!, yesterday my preminision turned out somewhat right
    The most tragic, dispicable shit.. shaking so much I can't write
    We tried to warn him there was something eary of their tactics
    He said "Ha- Entering the Unknown?? com'n they have hatchets!"
    Usually they attack us, as we mow their souls down with bullets
    But not this time, leaving their empty village- & they fooled us
    We lost 3,000 soldiers cause of greed, Custard wanted to be a man
    His worst enemy attacked on all sides, Im'a call this Custard's last stand
    He wanted fortune & fame, but this fuck just went & ruined it
    The indians carried no remorse as they chopped & stabbed through it
    I only lived cause I fell to the ground - death & me pretended
    The indians rode off, Entering the Unknown brought the last chapter, end it
    PandorasBox



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  2. September 5th, 2004, 11:58 AM #2
    CAMROK
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    Linked:

    Ace- death of memories
    kwest- whats the difference?

    others...
    PandorasBox



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  3. September 7th, 2004, 01:32 AM #3
    CAMROK
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    hm.. nothing, up
    PandorasBox



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  4. September 7th, 2004, 09:02 AM #4
    Endeva.
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    well man.... seems like the sleeping aint just on my drops.... lol

    i liked the approach you took on this, the way you used the 2 dates, and the first verse sorta forcasted the outcome of the second.... maybe a bit stretched in places, but other than that quite a smooth read,,, transitions were there... all in all..... quite a good drop.... could maybe have dome with some more imagery to built the picture up

    hit mine when you have a minute..... thnx
    [youtube]99ns8n2S40g[/youtube]
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  5. September 7th, 2004, 11:14 PM #5
    Ace of Aces
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    damn nice piece man. i can't say that the way you put this together is common so that alone lets it stand out which is of course always a good thing. the meaning of it was another part that separated this for most. i never expected something of this matter on this site. great intellect man. the flow was to the point and the structure was flawless. i enjoyed the way you dove into a mind of complexity and somehow mangaged to produce your own version of someone elses life, great job Cam, one of your several hot pieces. keep at it.

    peACE
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  6. September 15th, 2004, 10:31 AM #6
    CAMROK
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    up...

    thanks for the feed
    PandorasBox



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  7. September 15th, 2004, 10:51 AM #7
    bLaZin_InfeRnoL
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    I liked keep on doin ya thing
    BeWaRe ThE hEaT......


    WiTnEss Da

    Nu GeNeRaTioN
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  8. September 16th, 2004, 01:20 AM #8
    CAMROK
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    uppn
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  9. September 16th, 2004, 02:11 AM #9
    Laureate
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    Pretty good, good style switch between first and second parts...vocab could be uped, emotion was good, but I think, especially ina piece like this, that imagry could have been upped a ton....keep at it man..hit me up for a another collab soon...the last one we did was dope pz..hit sumthin in my sig
    A few achievements here and there

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  10. September 17th, 2004, 02:00 AM #10
    CAMROK
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    yea, def collab again soon... i'll hit you up..

    uppn
    PandorasBox



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  11. September 19th, 2004, 11:11 PM #11
    CAMROK
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  12. September 21st, 2004, 09:35 AM #12
    CAMROK
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    again..
    PandorasBox



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  13. September 21st, 2004, 11:11 AM #13
    MetaTone
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    Was pretty good bro.. I liked it, keep up the good work.
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  14. September 21st, 2004, 12:04 PM #14
    nolonger
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    not bad atall...loved the aproach
    came alil streched at times but
    this was cooman...nice om
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  15. September 22nd, 2004, 12:59 AM #15
    CAMROK
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    thanks guys.. up
    PandorasBox



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