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Thread: Broken World

  1. #1
    .:Fuck You:. Reeco's Avatar
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    Broken World

    Broken World
    Written By Timeless

    Life was going good without a single cloud in sight
    This mother of three children thought that she had won the fight
    She treasured every moment, not a second went to waste
    But on her yearly checkup all her comfort was erased
    She thought that her recovery was on the healthy track
    But the doctor softly whispered that her cancer had come back
    ~::~
    When someone's life is torn apart
    It's more than just a broken heart
    It's broken dreams and broken hope
    And there's no real way to cope...
    Inside this Broken World
    ~::~
    A homeless man was starving as he sat along the street
    He begged a thousand strangers for a simple meal to eat
    There was no need for miracles to help this old man live
    A small part of their dinner would be all they'd need to give
    But no one ever offered him some food off of their plate
    And no one knew how much it meant until it was too late
    ~::~
    When someone's life is torn apart
    It's more than just a broken heart
    It's broken dreams and broken hope
    And there's no real way to cope...
    Inside this Broken World
    ~::~
    With just a simple kiss goodnight she thought her date was done
    But in her boyfriends twisted mind, the night had just begun
    No one else was in the room and he could not resist
    He told her that he wanted more and grabbed her by the wrist
    And though she had the self-respect to firmly to him "no"
    All her innocence was robbed before he let her go
    ~::~
    When someone's life is torn apart
    It's more than just a broken heart
    It's broken dreams and broken hope
    And there's no real way to cope...
    Inside this Broken World
    ~::~
    Four high school kids were out one night and it was getting late
    It was their final week of school before they'd graduate
    And everyone was laughing as they cruised the avenue
    But suddenly a stranger's truck came rushing into view
    And it's too bad that none of them will end their senior year
    This driver racing towards them had been drinking too much beer
    ~::~
    When someone's life is torn apart
    It's more than just a broken heart
    It's broken dreams and broken hope
    And there's no real way to cope...
    Inside this Broken World
    ~::~
    A man was always faithful and devoted to his wife
    And he was truly happy with this woman in his life
    But though his love for her was always genuine and true
    She was not as loyal. She had found somebody new
    Then breaking every wedding vow, she left with no remorse
    Destroying her old marriage when she filed for divorce
    ~::~
    When someone's life is torn apart
    It's more than just a broken heart
    It's broken dreams and broken hope
    And there's no real way to cope...
    Inside this Broken World
    ~::~
    A teenage boy walks up the stairs and locks his bedroom door
    He's sick of being lonely. He can't take it anymore
    The tears start coming slowly as he sits down on his bed
    He looks into the mirror and puts a gun up to his head
    And leaving one small note that said "I'll miss you Mom and Dad"
    This boy has just become the friend that no one ever had
    ~::~
    When someone's life is torn apart
    It's more than just a broken heart
    It's broken dreams and broken hope
    And there's no real way to cope...

    But open up your broken eyes

    It's a small world after all
    And you might be the next to fall...

    Inside this Broken World

  2. #2
    Newbie
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    The structure of this written was tight, complex and hard to keep, but you kept nothin lackin i like your choice of words(no bs'ing)
    this stuck out the most to me because it hit home....
    "When someone's life is torn apart
    It's more than just a broken heart
    It's broken dreams and broken hope
    And there's no real way to cope...
    Inside this Broken World"
    this tight, but a bit long, but the time readin was worth it

    peAcE

    return the fava
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=144176

  3. #3
    ToTheTop Steven William's Avatar
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    Timeless this was really good piece,
    it was quite long with many verses but they
    were short verses so I guess it doesnt matter
    the repetitive chourus is what i didnt like
    but oevrall it wus a great read with very good
    imagery that didnt lack, it all flowed except
    the last two lines\/

    It's a small world after all
    And you might be the next to fall...

    Best verse\/
    A teenage boy walks up the stairs and locks his bedroom door
    He's sick of being lonely. He can't take it anymore
    The tears start coming slowly as he sits down on his bed
    He looks into the mirror and puts a gun up to his head
    And leaving one small note that said "I'll miss you Mom and Dad"
    This boy has just become the friend that no one ever had

    those last too lines were pure dopeness at its best
    Hit up my Better Left Alone piece I jsut dropped

    -SyaNidal Keep up the good werk
    ScytsoPhrenia
    CrazyDope

    Put down the pebbles in my hand, climbed a ladder, put a brick right through your window.
    "You're gonna hear me out." Yeah, hear me out on this!

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