Tearing at the Seems

[CAMROK]

Tearing at the Seems


In an enclosed room, I'm tearing but seems an inescapable route
Incapable of fleeing by all means, suffocation rips at its root
Scared, I need space to embrace, but space is none, therefore..
my calmness breaks, body aches, as I sweat in heat at my pores
Darkness in this room, it overwhelms, succombs my body as a whole
as I look for cracks of light, to seap through, but its held at the walls
I sprawl angerly, like a wild animal pinned and trapped to a table
its worse, its the unknown, sight unseen, to reach my bodies barely able
Used to be a peaceful place, atleast I thought... used to be coushined
And I'm not mentally disabled, not a hospital, forget- insanity is not pushin
Actually I don't know anymore, cant remember, maybe it's just a dream..
A dream with no means of life and death- to live I'm tearing at the seems
As I wait... No a dream it's not, I lift my leg & pinch and I feel it
Must release myself from beneath, clostriphobic to my death, I won't deal it
Fucking walls of solid matter, I don't care I'll peel it, eat it, I'll escape..
Gouge holes steady with my teeth, & fingernails I'll scrape until its too late
Fuck, can anybody relate, this unexplainable day.. & no drugs to sedate
There's no point to continue, breath heavy, helpless... to my doom I wait...

Just at one moment, I feel awakened in this room, from a glance never seen
What is it.. but a beam of a substance, white & yellow seems, looks so clean
Peaks through and spreads apart, like a lunar eclipse- moon unblocks the sun
I reach for this light & air engulfs me at the sametime I see someone
I barely see them, but the space breaks wider - the start of something new?
A large hand appears, quite tight but not severe, this woman says "I love you"
Smiles all around, I'm enbraced with love, setting in this emotional place
A story of babies vision, tearing at the seems of life to start at its base

[CAMROK]

Linked:

Escar- Hole in the heart
Bloomquist- Piano

[1liner]

this piece was very dark and eirie----i like the imagery in this piece this seems more like a poem than anything but still nice shit playa... vocab wasn't simplistic it was nice
its good to comeback and see peeps and droppin wack shit nymore
i'll be lookin for another piece from ya

return tha fav

[SmokaJoka]

I liked this shit actually.....good imagery, emotion was kinda ehh....rhyming, flow, and vocabulary were good.....and nice concept.....here's my favorit part...

Actually I don't know anymore, cant remember, maybe it's just a dream..
A dream with no means of life and death- to live I'm tearing at the seems
As I wait... No a dream it's not, I lift my leg & pinch and I feel it
Must release myself from beneath, clostriphobic to my death, I won't deal it
Fucking walls of solid matter, I don't care I'll peel it, eat it, I'll escape..
Gouge holes steady with my teeth, & fingernails I'll scrape until its too late
Fuck, can anybody relate, this unexplainable day.. & no drugs to sedate
There's no point to continue, breath heavy, helpless... to my doom I wait...

^The bottom half of your first verse held the vocabulary, flow, imagery, and emotion....best part of your piece besides the ending.....


BreakDown:
Multis - Very Good
Vocabulary - Very Good
Imagery - Very Good
Emotion - Good
Concept - Excellent
Overall:
Not bad at all..I liked this piece quite a bit, and honestly if it had been longer with more emotion it would get quite a bit of replies....good shit good read....


Rating:
8.5/10

[ORION]

haha i liked this one.....at first you had me thinking that this was a dark emotional piece taking place in the mind, until the very end....and its really about this N*66a comming out of the womb haha...personally i would have enjoyed a open mic about someone going crazy like that, rather than a story of a "baby's vision"..but thats just me...anyway you kinda combined the two together.....
my favorite lines were: "Scared, I need space to embrace, but space is none, therefore..
my calmness breaks, body aches, as I sweat in heat at my pores
Darkness in this room, it overwhelms, succombs my body as a whole
as I look for cracks of light, to seap through, but its held at the walls"

and also: "A dream with no means of life and death- to live I'm tearing at the seems" you were very descriptive...and thats what i like...my only problem is the length....i like reading lone open mics...but again thats just my opinion...IM OUT.....(return the favor please and hit up a open mic in my sig)

[CAMROK]

thanks for the feed guys..

[StraighAce]

yeah this was a good drop
you had gret imagery throughout the piece
and ya vocab held up solid
i really felt ya emotion on this drop
it was kinda dark but still i liked the concept
overall this is a great drop

[Kwest]

another dope drop.
this was a dope concept - you really had me fooled on this, imagery was good .. vocab seemed pretty good as well as your flow. this is a nice drop .. good job, stay up duke.

[CAMROK]

much appreciated, up..

drop links if anyone wants feed...

[Kwest]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=143958

[bLaZin_InfeRnoL]

I sprawl angerly, like a wild animal pinned and trapped to a table
its worse, its the unknown, sight unseen, to reach my bodies barely able

yo I really liked this bar, I know that feelin, everyone should know that feelin...uncertaintly, your there but can't do anything for yourself, your at someone's mercy..........

[Tim]

i like the imagery in this piece really feeling it kinda dark and deep shit right here nice emotion also had a couple quotbales in this piece i agree with what smoka says also so keep doing ya thing and stay up

[CAMROK]

thanks, uppn

[Kwest]

cam, you do audio? if so, wanna collab?

[CAMROK]

nah, I don't do audio.. no equipment er anything.