User Tag List

Showing results 1 to 6 of 6

Thread: Dear Parents...

  1. #1
    Life & Times
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Age
    38
    Posts
    2,140
    Battle Record
    39-16

    Dear Parents...

    For the third verse you gotta imagine my mother talking back to me...

    Title: Dear Parents
    Written By: LM
    Date: 29th August 2004

    VERSE 1

    Dear Mother, first off I love you but issue's need to be addressed
    For once your gonna have to listen to me get shit of my chest
    Who woulda guessed you wouldnt notice me bein depressed
    I've lived through so many tests, I'm gettin obsessed with voodoo
    You say I'm a pain in the ass, but I dont ever critise what you do
    Who woulda knew that as I grew up, us two would always argue
    But we do, apologies are overdue coz we barely see eachother
    And I live with you, but you take more attention to my brothers
    So I hide under bed covers, asleep hatin my life, dreamin of another
    But you dont got 10 lovers, you not a slut, I praise you on that
    As a matter of fact, I cant remember the last time we had a chat
    Thats fucked up but maybe it's too late to turn the clocks back

    VERSE 2
    I know Ian is my stepdad, but I wont ever be pushed around
    He's always bossin me about, he's tryn'a pound me into the ground
    He's pissed coz I wont back down, bet he's really sick of me now
    I wont allow myself to be bullied, so it's like a clash of personalities
    Both wanna be man of the house, the families becomin a fatality
    Maybe it'd be easier if he wasnt half of a different nationality
    The casualties of this shit is none other than us, and it's a shame
    Coz I know I can lose my temper, but I know I wont be tamed
    Coz to me when Harry died, life suddenly became a sick game

    VERSE 3
    To Lee, since you were born June 1987 I've loved you, I always will
    As you've grown up I've watched my hopes and dreams be fulfilled
    I've had the thrills and the tears as you went started to go downhill
    But I'm still here, I wont kill all those years I spent lookin over you
    People ask me where does your anger come from, what did I do?
    Truth is, I care but I can't see what you've been goin through
    You grew up around stress and drama, and you've handled it well
    At times I could see in your eye's you were goin through hell
    When Harry fell sick you couldnt say farewell, that hurt so much
    I know it did coz you didnt want people near, let alone touch
    I know you smiled on the surface but inside you were crushed
    You've been pushed to the limit by feeling like you were alone
    But know this..........as long as I'm here your never on your own
    And this house has an open door for you, coz it's your home
    LM
    The Life
    & Times
    ...The Rhymes

  2. #2
    Life & Times
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Age
    38
    Posts
    2,140
    Battle Record
    39-16
    Last edited by LM; August 29th, 2004 at 08:02 AM
    LM
    The Life
    & Times
    ...The Rhymes

  3. #3
    A Married Man Jonezy's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Location
    UK
    Age
    38
    Posts
    11,116
    Battle Record
    34-8
    Awards 25+ Wins
    This was a strong piece, a great read and it kept me focused on it, i thought allverses were rather deep and a good emotion set in all verses aswell. Good use of words and vocab was good enough.The topic was strong and you worked it well and stayed on it throughout.

    fav lines

    He's always bossin me about, he's tryn'a pound me into the ground
    He's pissed coz I wont back down, bet he's really sick of me now
    I wont allow myself to be bullied, so it's like a clash of personalities
    Both wanna be man of the house, the families becomin a fatality
    Maybe it'd be easier if he wasnt half of a different nationality

    enjoyed them, they stood out to me..overall it was a good piece
    and very enjoyable....good work
    [YOUTUBE]qZwqp6S1gIw[/YOUTUBE]

  4. #4
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Posts
    1,980
    Very emotional piece man. Really nice shit you got there, I enjoyed it. First verse, I was feeling the emotion the most, you know, how you described how you were feeling was worded in a really nice way. 2nd verse was good too, felt the emotion as well, nice wording, and good imagery. 3rd verse had better imagery than both, I dunno why, but I kinda noticed it, anyway, all were good. Props man. Nice drop.

    Please hit up my open mic called "Hole in my Heart".

    Peace

  5. #5
    Life & Times
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Age
    38
    Posts
    2,140
    Battle Record
    39-16
    Uppin...

    Thanks for feedback so far
    LM
    The Life
    & Times
    ...The Rhymes

  6. #6
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Posts
    1,108
    Battle Record
    14-13
    Maybe it's me....but I wasn't feelin' this...

    I just felt that the message I felt durin' the readin' wasn't very strong...I understood your point, but the piece gave me a much weaker one. Kinda like...The piece had a great display case...but inside, not much was there.

    I guess this is maybe due to your choice of words or sumthin'....I dunno, but something was missing to really give me that kick that makes sumthin' great....actuallly, I find the overall piece to be kind of boring to be honest.

    It's decent in my eyes...doesn't really possess anything that truly captures my attention n' makes me go "dam" at the end.

    Good work tho.

    pz. god bless.
    - T-West.

Similar Threads

  1. What Do Your Parents...
    By Prince Escobar in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: April 5th, 2007, 09:06 PM
  2. how old were your parents when they had you?
    By Marvman in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 22
    Last Post: October 6th, 2006, 10:19 AM
  3. Do you get along with your parents?
    By niggerican in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 72
    Last Post: February 11th, 2006, 10:04 PM
  4. The Parents met(Meet the Parents Remake)
    By Sir Skiddz SoPhrenic in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: August 4th, 2003, 12:38 PM
  5. dear dad/dear mom
    By LaDy TrInItY in forum Poetic Scriptures
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: July 9th, 2003, 09:42 PM

Posting Rules

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •