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Thread: The Enemy Within (Ft. Divine Skillz!!!)

  1. #1
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    The Enemy Within (Ft. Divine Skillz!!!)

    'Chea...

    I know it's a long read, but trust me, it's worth it, big time.

    The angel, by Escar:

    His throne centered among the clouds, feeds the world with rain bowed skies
    The shining light around his presence, releases the pain from eyes
    He enlightened places where he stepped foot at, or already been
    His face was never shown, but it’s as if it’s beauty’s already seen
    Awakened, as the sun rises by his will, and falls when he sleeps
    The beauty he settles upon the night, contents the birds with a breeze
    He emancipates his people from fear, protects them by his wings
    Prosperity to his people’s souls, is only what he highly brings
    In the book describing his God-like forces, his journal’s deep
    His powers strong enough to raise the dead from their eternal sleep
    Flies with great might among the skies with the clouds beneath his eyes
    He misses the wonderful summer, so he decides to re-greet July
    Onto the green land he leads, its beauty’s divided into 2
    His father said: “Ur brother rules half, the other bows down to you”
    They both strived to walk the same path, but the lanes deranged
    An oath swore “evil” upon his brother, now his soul rages with flames
    One land where people accord with peace, and to it, they agree again
    And the other land where hell revolves around… 1-eyed demons
    Now at times the angel gets colonized with anger though his mind
    It forms a cage made of steel, the exit’s invisible to find
    It gets worse, change of pain, results in more hurt, ‘till it drives him insane
    All caused by his brother’s images, visioned through dark embers of rain
    Hatred grew stronger ‘till it lead to wars, 1 win & 1 loss for both
    Both fates await, but who will prevail to reach the cross of hope?
    Yet rage strikes again, with it’s mighty bolts, breaks through the angel
    He’s labeled, to follow Aesop’s path, but he screams “Hell with the fables!”
    In this kingdom he’s the king, yet chaos can corrupt with no regret
    Now after the good was set, it’s like the false paths he didn’t choose… met
    At times he managed to control himself, never fell for sin
    But ironic how the angel’s home itself….. is a living hell for him



    The demon, by Divine Skillz:

    The evil for which I was destined has made my red skin exude flames neverending
    Dark ebony horns and the gaping maw that my midrift spawns are hellish blessings
    Im guilty of mind bendin of men over a multitude of millenia with my forked tongue
    From my skull my horns hung,across my back my matt black hell forged swords slung
    To diabolic drums my demonic force of evil monks are killing angels in malicous hunts
    The delicous taste of victory numbs the loss of my depraved and unholy demon sons
    From within the feeling comes of revenge as I breathe Ill omens from my iron like lungs
    My Tyrant like run army of nightmare's that steals life with there spite in frightul stares
    Prepares to take lives and lose theirs, Angels killing demons in their mad chaotic lairs
    The casualties to demons causes no despair as the uncaring creatures couldnt care
    But there numbers decreased as the bodies of the deceased mounted with no release
    Its guaranteed there'll be no peace, the anger for my angelic brother doesnt recede
    I proceed with deep need to feed on the souls of angels after inflicting wounds fatal
    As demons and angels fall, I swoop above the battlefield my wings worn as a mantle
    The angels singing a canticle thats speaks deep volumes of the heavenly sabbatical
    There vigour fanatical inspired by holy teachings preaching of theories radical
    About to fall my force requires me to step among and overcome the heavenly enemy
    Those troops sent to me fall rapidly as my stature of five hundred and seventy four feet
    Leaves nothing but divine carrion meat for the ravens to feast as victory I see before me
    I forcefully wield my scourge and Im causing contortion of an apocalyptic proportion
    The winged angels now attack with precaution as Im forcing them into rapid retorsion
    Defeat, all sides throw caution to the wind I slay angel underlings with multiple limbs
    Im sundering with force of a storm blustering as Im hungering to defeat and eat my kin
    I've dreamt of torturing him, pushing him to the brink as my blade sinks into flesh
    I witness my brother blessed step with might that forces me to readdress his threat
    We fight for my fathers divine concept a planet more beautiful with times slow onset
    I fight my brother my total opposite, while I seek its destruction he seeks its growth
    As demonic and angelic blood flows, our instilled and enhanced battle skills show
    Incorporeal like ghosts, I feel my father his presence close, as he travels the planes
    I see him phase and make cosmic waves as he resounds aloud his sons names


    The father, by Divine Skillz(Italic Font) & Escar(Normal Font):

    In a seconds fraction I move with speed of a phantom into aggressive actions
    My muscles flexing with contractions, I swing my sword destroying any sanctions
    I cant fathom as my swords edge is stopped dead by my fathers omnipotent mind set
    Like my eye's are deaf I cant see where my father steps, attacks that I cant deflect
    I cant regret as my red eyes reflect the inner rage as lines of pain etches my face
    Dark blood drenches and caresses my waist, as my strengths lessening at pace
    Moving like Im encassed in shackles I sense the end is near in a losing battle
    My souls dying like an extinguished candle, Im forever distinguished as satanical
    My Fathers face shows no mercy, enjoying it as he hurts me, grinning perversely
    And whispers his pleasure inadvertently before banishing me for an eternity


    As the angel walks above clouds, he sees his brother’s soul passing by
    Surprised, questions move in massive fleets: “How, When….. & Why?”
    Forgives his demon brother, & with courage doesn’t weep, instead…
    He looks at his sword, & swears his father will die beneath its edge
    Onto battle, he strives to run faster than the speed of light
    As his father puts him in an endless grave, with exceeded might
    The angel’s powers gone, now he’s mortal, like any other human
    His legacy?
    He walked worlds u don’t know of… & conquered places where u’ve bin
    .
    .
    .
    Many years passed, things changed, no one heard of him anymore
    His tales remained, never banished, by the echoes of his raging roar
    Now one day a man walks thru town, in the market, going round in lines
    He saw something far, brought creepy chills….. down his spine
    He keeps walking straight, between maneuvers, doesn’t look back
    Then he reached a hallway, someone’s there, he was careful & took track
    Grabbed the other person by the head, stabbed him with no regret
    He was scared for a moment, but no, now he shows his threat
    While in, that moment, his alarming laughter keeps compilin’
    There he was, the angel standin’ on his father’s dead body… smilin’


    Peace
    Last edited by Escar; August 20th, 2004 at 08:51 AM

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    Last edited by Escar; August 20th, 2004 at 02:41 AM

  3. #3
    Newbie Divine Skillz's Avatar
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    After All That !!!!

    After writing that I have to say thats one of my best pieces.

    I have the upmost respect for Escar, Big Big Props Bro for making this a phat collab and for striving to make the fiction behind it outstanding.

    --( PANDORA's BOX )--

    Big Up To Escar

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    Newbie Divine Skillz's Avatar
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    Upping For Feedback !!!!



    Any Feed Back !!!!
    --( PANDORA's BOX )--

    Big Up To Escar

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    BEST topical writer... Endeva.'s Avatar
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    ^...

    This was long as hell. I thought this was good. Flow was on for the most part and you both had a lot of imagery in your verses. I didn't think it had to go on that long, but you two pulled it off nicely. Divine, try to shorten up your lines a little bit because some of your lines looked like you were trying to squeeze too many words into it, but nevertheless, good drop. Escar, did you just start doing this? Keep it up.

    -Nique.
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    19x HOF. Seven Titles. 50.

  7. #7
    BEST topical writer... Endeva.'s Avatar
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  8. #8
    xNY~NJx CAMROK's Avatar
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    was some good shit...
    kinda long, but still a very good read..
    awesome concept, the ending was nice..
    had some nice internal rhymes at parts,
    good word choice, vocab was pretty decent,
    nice drop guys... keep up..

    PandorasBox



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    'Chea, thx yo.

    And yeah Unique, I just started a while ago, not too long though.

    Thx for the feedback.

    Peace

  10. #10
    Newbie eric brandt's Avatar
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    got a little lengthy. i understand imagery needs its space, but there's creating powerful visuals, and there's rambling. it was good though, don't get me wrong. deep subject.

    basically, i liked the creativity a hell of a lot, just work on your general rhyme skills.

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  11. #11
    Fly in under the Radar. Tactixx's Avatar
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    Man.....my eyes hurt....well that took awhile...but good job guys.....Escar your first verse illustrated the storyline....divine skills...good use of vocab, I thought your "father" verse was well written...the only thing that bothered me throughout was the line length....it was a little strectched for me but still easy to read, it just dreagged out the flow sometimes....but other than that, nice job guys...escar, your improving greatly....keep at it guys....peace...

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    Thx alot man, means alot, really.

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