I thought I lost you

[ILLunatic]

I Thought I lost You

I thought I lost you, So I let my heart fall through
Shouldn't have.. but I led myself to believe it was my fault too
I should have consulted you, but it didn't, now i'm the one to blame
At night I scream your name, as my heart burns to a flame
Life without you just aint the same, I need you
I pleed you, to come back 1 last time, so I can see you
I wish we wouldn't be through, is there anything I can do?
As I drop to my knees and hands to, I'll do your every little command too
Wow.. I didn't realize it, but your my heart and soul
You make my life complete and full. You're what makes it whole
Before I made some mistakes, that made our hearts break
Please come back, I beg of you for our relationships sake
Please just tell me this shits fake, and you didn't leave
When you left me, the pain inside you just woudn't believe
Your the love of my life, to me your a major loss to this universe
In life to me, you are first. Compared to anything, losing you is worst
But luckily, I didn't lose you, my conscience only went into play
But now i'm happy, because my life you came back into today
I'm happy as can be, that you're back with me..I love you
I just want you to know, that there is no one, i would put above you
See babe.. we're meant to be together, I can't live with out you
It still breaks my heart to think about when, I thought i lost you

[ILLunatic]

FanTa ZeE - Reason 2 Write

[Laureate]

Damn this was real nice...

Emotion....this was real nice man...really felt this piece...kinda funny Eamon's
'Fuck It' is on the radio..these are the exact opposite.....your emotion shown in this piece was great...

Vocab...internals were real real nice here...SHit flowed well and was jus all around nice

FLow...perfect...yup...very easy read

Overall....this was dope....minor grammar mistakes here and there...re read when our more awake and edit them...otherwise this was a real nice piece with great emotion...nice drop man

[FanTa ZeE]

wow, this was a deep piece, i don't think i've ever been that scared or desperate as the character in this piece, but i can relate, i guess everyone can..it was one of those things that everyone has a special feeling for, brings back distant memories, and thats why this topic is always different.I'm guessing your writing from experience here, at least a little? thats what i like about 'love' drops, because you put a little bit of your heartache into every line.. this was great..flow and emotion were spot on..

thanks greatly for replying to 'Reason 2 Write' i really appriciate it..keep the dopeness up!

[ILLunatic]

Thanks for the feedback..
Hopefully this is good enough for legends
If not.. imma keep trying!

[FanTa ZeE]

^ i know the feeling bruvva! sept you probably will get in! good luck, and if you make it, remember the people on the bottom rung of the ladder! (FanTa)

x x x

[ILLunatic]

Lol... i hope i get in soon
I juss need some people to nominate me
And if they OM mods and legend mods like it
then they will make it legendary

[Ace of Aces]

dope piece. i say its worth nominating. i felt the heart of this wit ease. not too common of a topic i guess. but you expressed it great. it was deep even if it was rather simple. thats pretty hard to do. props on that. real nice on the flow and structure aspect of this. even the imagery was pretty good. real heartfelt piece. kept me awake, and thats what matters. enjoyable read. i'll nominate this later. lol.

fav. part:
But luckily, I didn't lose you, my conscience only went into play
But now i'm happy, because my life you came back into today
I'm happy as can be, that you're back with me..I love you
I just want you to know, that there is no one, i would put above you
See babe.. we're meant to be together, I can't live with out you
It still breaks my heart to think about when, I thought i lost you


peace

[ILLunatic]

Thanks man.. really appreciate it.
This is actually one of my best pieces
*and to think, i wrote it at 5:30 AM*
*-Whipes head-*... uppin for more feedback plz

[Provoked]

Real nice man..

As said.. kept nice and simple while still being full of meaning and emotion.. which is kinda hard to do at times.
The multies you used added to the verse overall.. while the structure held everything together nicely.
I guess everyone can relate to it too.. or will at some point which is good.
Dope piece overall really.. flowed well.. had meaning.. and never faltered.

Props..

[ILLunatic]

^Thanks..
Appreciate the feed back..
So far, nothing but good feedback
That makes me feel good
Due to the fact that i wrote this so early in the morning

[absolutezero]

yo man this was a nice flow i like the structure and the base of the song. Yo the vocab was a lil weak im seen other post by u and the vocab and metas are betta but all together this was a nice drop yo Holla

[ILLunatic]

Uppin for more feedback

[Cels]

really dope piece.. a lot of emotion was put into every line, you could tell..good use of multis and nice vocab.. struct was perfect as always... good topic to write on too.. it was really great.. flow was perfect and deep and dope drop overall..

i will nominate it

[Maven.]

this is well done...but...it was so straightforward.
know what I mean?
you didn't have any wordplay to speak of...it was just...there. You didn't encode anything, you didn't have anything overly complex. And you forced rhyming when other words could have been much more descriptive and stuff.
Your emotion was great though, and I understand that in emotional pieces you're just concentrating on getting your feelings out...but maybe tweak it a bit. Make it into an actual story as opposed to a "whats up inside my head" piece. Or perhaps change it into something abstract and crack the meaning of the piece with an "I thought I lost you" or an "I love you" at the end.
just something so it isn't so straightforward.