I Understand

[1rstDraft]

Juss lookin for some feedback/crit...

Even tho i understand my chance remains underhand/
But damn.. my mind feels jammed.../
I cant stand this feeling of jelously running through my every strand/
So i turn to drugs to let my feelings expand/
Surely i havn't been that bad to feel restricted an damned/
I close my eyes and seem to shiver with emotion/
What is this feelin i'v so obviously overdosed in/
Even tho i'v given up hope for a potion, people can have tha best of intentions/
Half my friends creepin round to decide my sentence, when i need them for dependance/
Only a few are true tha rest turn out as my enemies decendants/
Why did I make that introduction between two friends as a one night seduction/
Gave them an advantageous position, now its unclear who to leave my trust in/

-1d

[Provoked Images]

uhh... i guess you have tha basics but you need to fix your flow A LOT...

i felt like i was readin sentences more than tryin to listen to it in my head in tha sense of a song...i didn't even get a sense of poetry rhythm to it...

other than that, you got tha regular basics down but next time try to make it easier to understand your topic cause i was extremely lost in what you were tryin to say...

keep up...

[Mistral]

You need to leave 2 links of replies you left or this will get closed, Thanks.