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Thread: ....Tragic..Death....

  1. #1
    ToTheTop Steven William's Avatar
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    ....Tragic..Death....



    I'll Take You Back To The Begining... When This First Occured,
    The Corpse Wrapped In A BodyBag, Parents Visions Were Blurred,
    By There Tears-, Because There Son Was Just Obliterated,
    By And Oncoming Car-, His Body Was Annihilated,
    Everyone Felt So Bad But There Was Nothing They Could Do,
    But Sit Back On Concole The Parents... Of This Boy They Knew,
    He Was Only 8 Years Old When This Tragedy Had Supervened,
    It Took Place On Their Street, A Car And Blacktop Is What He Lay Between,



    Ambulances Are Rushing To The Scene... Fast And In A Hurry,
    To See If This Child Is Perished... To Make Sure Hes Not In Need Of Burry,
    Not In Need Of A Casket, Is He Dead Or Still Is He Breathing,
    His Parents In Total Grief, Of The Anivesary Gift Their Recieving,
    A Dead Son Or Paralyzed Either One Would Be Very Tragic,
    If This Child Was Still Breathing His Powers Must Be Magic,
    The Automobile Was Doing 60Miles Per Hour When It Hit,
    Theres No Way In Hell, That This Child Could've Lived,
    The Impact He Absorbed Would Be To Hard To Engulf,
    The Way He Saved His Younger Sister...He Should Be Proud Of Himself,



    The Ambulance Arrives This Child Is Almost Dead,
    He's Still Breathing But Is Suffering Much Damage...Parents Are In Dread,
    As I've Said Previously This Death Would Be A Tragedy,
    Living Through That Much Pain Would Be Imaginary,
    As I Weep For This Kid And Pray That He Is Safe,
    I Can Only Hope That His Memory Is Not Erased,
    That He Isn't Suffering Anything Horribly Nervewrecking,
    It Maybe Better To Die Than To Be Left Miserably Infecting,
    No Brain Damage And No Death No Being Paralyzed,
    I Pray That This Is Not Dead And That He Will Arize...



    And Just To Leave Everyone Guessing About The Ending To This Fable,
    I'll Leave You Where He's Being Placed On the Stretcher Awaiting The Operating Table....
    Last edited by Steven William; February 14th, 2004 at 03:24 PM
    ScytsoPhrenia
    CrazyDope

    Put down the pebbles in my hand, climbed a ladder, put a brick right through your window.
    "You're gonna hear me out." Yeah, hear me out on this!

  2. #2
    Banned Penskills's Avatar
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    You are becoming a storyteller....I'm certainly impressed...I won't give this a break down...but..I will say this...Keep up the good work...

  3. #3
    ToTheTop Steven William's Avatar
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    thanks pen.../\ lol that reply actually means something...
    comming from a should be ledend and all...
    ScytsoPhrenia
    CrazyDope

    Put down the pebbles in my hand, climbed a ladder, put a brick right through your window.
    "You're gonna hear me out." Yeah, hear me out on this!

  4. #4
    BEST topical writer... Endeva.'s Avatar
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    i agree this was pretty good, didnt like the colours or the font sze tho... put me off, but it was decently worded and the flow seemed straight, but some of the transitilons seemed sloppy, other than that it was a decent read.... keep at it....
    [youtube]99ns8n2S40g[/youtube]

  5. #5
    ToTheTop Steven William's Avatar
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    thanks uppin/\
    ScytsoPhrenia
    CrazyDope

    Put down the pebbles in my hand, climbed a ladder, put a brick right through your window.
    "You're gonna hear me out." Yeah, hear me out on this!

  6. #6
    ToTheTop Steven William's Avatar
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    can i get some more love?
    this was one of my best yet...
    I want everyone to see how deep the second gets....
    ScytsoPhrenia
    CrazyDope

    Put down the pebbles in my hand, climbed a ladder, put a brick right through your window.
    "You're gonna hear me out." Yeah, hear me out on this!

  7. #7
    Nephil SMZ's Avatar
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    I think this is noticeably better than the two Dead to Live pieces. You generate emotion well. Flow was on point with the exception of a few lines it seemed. Nice work overall.

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    I'm dead.


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    Hence Forward

  8. #8
    ToTheTop Steven William's Avatar
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    thanks... I know it was basically...
    cauz I was feeling this As I wrote it...
    Up/\UP/\uP
    ScytsoPhrenia
    CrazyDope

    Put down the pebbles in my hand, climbed a ladder, put a brick right through your window.
    "You're gonna hear me out." Yeah, hear me out on this!

  9. #9
    ToTheTop Steven William's Avatar
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    uppin This...
    ScytsoPhrenia
    CrazyDope

    Put down the pebbles in my hand, climbed a ladder, put a brick right through your window.
    "You're gonna hear me out." Yeah, hear me out on this!

  10. #10
    ToTheTop Steven William's Avatar
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    uppizzle...
    ScytsoPhrenia
    CrazyDope

    Put down the pebbles in my hand, climbed a ladder, put a brick right through your window.
    "You're gonna hear me out." Yeah, hear me out on this!

  11. #11
    Banned Penskills's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SyaNidal
    thanks pen.../\ lol that reply actually means something...
    comming from a should be ledend and all...
    I'm a Legend foo~~~~~Two of my pieces are in there now

  12. #12
    ToTheTop Steven William's Avatar
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    O... my bad pen I havent checked latly...
    i jsut remember all the controversy about how u aint here long enough...
    peep my newest tragic death II
    ScytsoPhrenia
    CrazyDope

    Put down the pebbles in my hand, climbed a ladder, put a brick right through your window.
    "You're gonna hear me out." Yeah, hear me out on this!

  13. #13
    ToTheTop Steven William's Avatar
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    uppin this shizz again!
    ScytsoPhrenia
    CrazyDope

    Put down the pebbles in my hand, climbed a ladder, put a brick right through your window.
    "You're gonna hear me out." Yeah, hear me out on this!

  14. #14
    You've Earned a Custom Title! YJ's Avatar
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    damn dis was sick
    I liked dis piece a lot
    I'm tryna be more of a storyteller than R&Bish/romantic with my rhymes
    vocab and flow was good
    keep droppin I'm a peep part II

    9.5/10
    BEST OF YJ
    Holla at cha Boi
    Watch Me
    Eyez of a Young Nigga
    Can't Forget yall
    Luv sick
    I can't Believe It(RIP Denise)

  15. #15
    ToTheTop Steven William's Avatar
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    uppizzle againizzle?
    ScytsoPhrenia
    CrazyDope

    Put down the pebbles in my hand, climbed a ladder, put a brick right through your window.
    "You're gonna hear me out." Yeah, hear me out on this!

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