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Thread: The Samaritan Clause

  1. #1
    catholic schoolgirls rule Sand's Avatar
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    The Samaritan Clause

    we all know him,.. he's been old since our birth
    so cold with his words it holds him with a curse
    he folded his happy feelings first, expressionless
    plus you can sense his emptyness if ya next to him
    he never grins, he only yells how he hates noise
    n' gets extra grim if he ever see's boys with toys
    because to him, todays youth is lazy and unaging
    he says "i did hard work, you think they payed me?!"
    his entire life has been one of poker faces n' frowns
    sulken phrases n' sweat by the ounce but as of now
    he just sits there with his depressed glance on life
    passed him twice after the death of his son n' wife
    now he lives all alone in a 5 bedroom home as he moans
    to the painted walls, and aging portraits of souls
    he once loved to the death of him ..
    or, .....the death of them,
    so now he has nothing, except money and hate
    and the wrinkles on his face make a symbol of dismay
    he takes pills all day, anti-depressents n' pain-killers
    but an ironic inverse reaction make his strain realer
    insane killers of happiness, lurk in his thoughts
    absurd and distraught, too blurred to ever walk
    with pride again in his life, ... his pride is empty ..
    so the next time you see him in the sun
    as he screams at your fun, remember the love
    that he doesn't possess, take some heart from ya chest
    and lay it out in the open, to unfold and rest
    because he doesn't have anything, n' u have it all
    so next time he get's mad cuz your having fun ..
    try throwing him the ball ..

    old people are about to die .. remember that, pz
    follow me on Instagram @updowndaps

  2. #2
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    ok piece flow was ok in parts and you lost at times
    same with the vocab. but quite good topic though (original)

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    ok piece flow was ok in parts and you lost at times
    same with the vocab. but quite good topic though (original)

    drop a vote on my battle
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108195

  4. #4
    catholic schoolgirls rule Sand's Avatar
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    whack reply .. and don't double post ..
    and i'm not reading your piece ever .
    follow me on Instagram @updowndaps

  5. #5
    ..Truth.. rule's Avatar
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    I really enjoyed this. The structure was good, flow was good, vocab was good.

    This had a sudden twist...you ended it in a way I wasn't expecting..which was cool. I liked the topic..it was creative and enjoyable to actually see somebody right about there elders. Enjoyable read..i really liked it.
    Soft Focus
    ..Returns..

  6. #6
    catholic schoolgirls rule Sand's Avatar
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    up.
    follow me on Instagram @updowndaps

  7. #7
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    Reply you pompous asses - Sand is barnone in the top three Open Mikers at Baprattles. . This was cool, man. We need to collaborate ..

  8. #8
    catholic schoolgirls rule Sand's Avatar
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    top 10 open mic, suckas.
    follow me on Instagram @updowndaps

  9. #9
    I found a prefix!!!! f-gee's Avatar
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    heh..
    good drop
    some nice imagery thru out the piece
    i could imagine it was the old man actually writing these thoughts down.
    and then as usual you ended it with a dope segment

    'so the next time you see him in the sun
    as he screams at your fun, remember the love
    that he doesn't possess, take some heart from ya chest
    and lay it out in the open, to unfold and rest
    because he doesn't have anything, n' u have it all
    so next time he get's mad cuz your having fun ..
    try throwing him the ball ..

    old people are about to die .. remember that, pz
    ^ill.

    props
    You need Ghost Dog in your DVD collection


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  10. #10
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    That piece was original in itself, props to ya Sand - I always enjoy good writtens.

  11. #11
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    Good story if It was one

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