my dad

[yte grl]

4 years old dad left me home alone/
while he was down the street gettin stoned/
scared to death smellin the beer on his breath/
thumpin on my wall dads in his room havin sex/
wit a man/
next minute hes holdin my hand
tellin me he loves me
how hes gonna grow up n b a man/
theres 1 thing i cant stand a man who doesnt give all his love just little fractions/
men who dont take responsibilities for they actions/
christmas time comes in and acts like everythings fine/
should u 4give him and sit next 2 him when u dine/
or should u blow up and say shit off the top of ur mind/
me i chose option number 2/
i dont want a damn thing 2 do with u/
me and u r through/
ill probably never talk 2 u again/
im fuckin tired of u tellin me ur my friend/
if ur my friend where were u the nite my aunt died/
were u there to hold me when i cried/
no u were too busy high/
when u die i aint gonna shed a tear/
cause losin u isnt on my list of fears/

only took me about ten minutes 2 right

[repin]

it was ight.....keep droppin..... ~1~

[Morbid Manner]

that was quite good i like it coz i came from the heart, keep at it

if you ever any of my battles drop a ,ive only got one on at the moment
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=105618

[R*O*B*B*]

i thought that it was a good piece there was some good lyrics in there i that was pretty dam amazin 4 sumin u wrote in 10 minitz

[Mistral]

Yeah this was alright here....it was kinda simple but the emotion was good i thought....just try to watch the line length though cause it sometimes throws the flow off but i think the emotion made up for it but still work on that....overall this was alright...keep at it.

[Abotizer]

there was a lot of emotion, but you could've worked on some of your vocabulary. the flow was off at times, and i really wished you made it more detailed and gave us more examples

[yte grl]

thanks keep it comin

[Samuel Same Old]

emotional peice.butttttt..the flow was really simple..needed more vocab..and the flow was horrible..you'll have something goin at first but then you'll drop a short as line to fuck it up..elevate..drop more..

btw..your dad is gay?

[Endeva.]

basically i agree what is being said, the feeling was in there, but the rest was basic.... try and expand on your vocab and scheme... cos at the minute the flow is way off.... it would have made for a much better read with more thought put into it... but as it is, it ok, but needs work.... jus keep at it....l

[CL]

very nyce..
touchin and has enuff emotion to show that us
what u gointhrough..
very touchy..
makes u feel u there...especially if u know what
the person is talkinbout or
if u've had first hand experience..
keep it up
i like it ..

[Knowledge]

it was a really basic and simplistic flow, but the topic and emmtion did come from the heart and thats what its all about.
keep written, and i'll beat him up for you for $3..lol

peace

[yte grl]

thanw more feedback please

[koolDJmoneymoney]

your dad was having sex with a MAN?!?!i hope your dad was either locked up,or the man had had a sex change,cuz other than that it aint cool!yo david records-5 and a half albums DEEP!

[ELEETE]

Yo that was pretty deep. very emotional. i wrote a similar piece....keep it up.

[Penskills]

..Deep..other than that..I have nothing nice to say so...BYE~~~