Dreams of a rapper

[LM]

Feedback is appreciated

A rapper, a poet, a prophet, a modern day shakespeare
Writin when he can just to kick start his musical career
Blood, sweat and tears are makin sure he puts in his all
He wants to change his life but he's just hittin a brick wall
When your afraid to fall down how can you rise to the top
The only thing he's ever been good at is this life in hip hop
Viewed as a flop, he feels nothin but anger and frustration
Never happy with his skills....always lookin for more elevation
The only complication is he's inconsistant whenever he flows
Sometimes dope, sometimes wack, but that just the way life goes
But I suppose his mom was right...practise will make perfection
So he lives in hope...that one day his words will make a connection
Life's just an election....public opinions are treated like gold
But whatever people think....he will make sure his story gets told


^^This was a keystyle, took bout 10 minutes to do

[CL]

Well..its very nice.
deep. I wrote a similar one once..
i'll try and find it and i will
send u a PM of it...
very touching..
uplifting..
encouraging..
yet depressing n a way...not in a bad way but in the sense
that it makes you think of some things in life that are a reality
and are always overlooked..
well at least thats what i thought and that my opinion...
NYCE WORK...

['PercepTion']

k..i'll respect the fact that it was a keystyle....

Felt this came off a little weak, your flow was mediocre to stuff i've seen you do before, was a little simplistic, although i thought:

"When your afraid to fall down how can you rise to the top
The only thing he's ever been good at is this life in hip hop" was dope.

Your vocab was nice, some good terms in there, added a deeper meaning to the piece, pretty good for a keystle...:

"A rapper, a poet, a prophet, a modern day shakespeare" - reminded me of Renegade.....

The topic is played, and i just don't think you pulled it off convincingly, this is a step down compared to your other shit..not hating, you had some nice lines, but i just wasn't really feelin' it...

keep spittin'.

[LM]

^^I was listenin to renegade at the time....then I turned it off and my flow change

[Penskills]

...very nice..very emotional...this is keystyle at it's best~~~

[west]

"When your afraid to fall down how can you rise to the top
The only thing he's ever been good at is this life in hip hop"

Very good

"A rapper, a poet, a prophet, a modern day shakespeare
Writin when he can just to kick start his musical career"

Good opener.

As a whole the peice was pretty descent for a key,rhymes and flowed well,afew nice lines there,some wordplay in corperated,kept me interested,solid stuff.

P.S Hit mine up if you can man.

Peace

[LM]

Why has the structure fucked up all of a sudden....It was fine before.
Anyway....up

[ELEETE]

Yo i felt this. i wrote a similar piece as well. Its called INFLUENCE id appreciate it if you checked it out and give me some feedback considering we had the same idea in mind. But i like the whole meaning behind it. Very uplifting and well written. Keep it up. PM me sometime maybe we can throw down something together.

INFLUENCE
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=93118

[LM]

^^I'll hit it up 2morro coz I'm too tired now so before I log off.....uppin again, more feeback please

[iLLaMinTid]

A rapper, a poet, a prophet, a modern day shakespeare
Writin when he can just to kick start his musical career
/\ 8/10 nice opener

Blood, sweat and tears are makin sure he puts in his all
He wants to change his life but he's just hittin a brick wall
/\ 8/10 nice metaphor

When your afraid to fall down how can you rise to the top
The only thing he's ever been good at is this life in hip hop
/\ 9/10 deep shit right there . . nice

Viewed as a flop, he feels nothin but anger and frustration
Never happy with his skills....always lookin for more elevation
/\ 9/10 nice.. nice..

The only complication is he's inconsistant whenever he flows
Sometimes dope, sometimes wack, but that just the way life goes
/\ 10/10 i'm a newbie . . i can relate . . LOL

But I suppose his mom was right...practise will make perfection
So he lives in hope...that one day his words will make a connection
/\ 8/10 deep bar . . nice..

Life's just an election....public opinions are treated like gold
But whatever people think....he will make sure his story gets told
/\ 10/10 nice closure . . i like that


/\ 62/70 i liked this peice . . 88% B+ work dawg . . keep droppin hotness . . well in this case . . deepness . . get at me! blah! i'm outtie!

[LM]

Thanks...uppin

[-uski-]

yea LM this was real good..ya had good Deep Flow in this and is something most rappers can relate to...ya had real nice structure and ya had Good vocab it it and ya had some real good multis Man Good work..so all and all this was a real nice verse man...PeacE...

[G-Guns]

yo that shit was hot man bigs ups

[LM]

Ok....thanks, uppin

[LM]

Uppin....few more opinions please