Damien

[Neruda II]

DAMIEN

Problem:
I'm walking down the hall with my girl by a class
I see dudes outa the corner of my eye staring at her ass
they look at me and start to crack up and laugh

Damien:
nigga, look at that shit
they checking out ya girls shit
u know they thinking bout hitting it!!!//
go over there and bust their faces open
knock they ass out and leave they heads broken
go over there, kill them niggas, let em know u aint jokin
c’mon nigga they messing with your girl, get focused//
they laughing now
what are u gonna start rapping now?
bitch stop being a bitch and start cracking now!!!//

sleepy:
man, just calm down and chill out
remember everything ya girl was talking about
there’s three of em, so get your head out da clouds
if ya go over there ya gonna get ya ass knocked out//
niggas these days are bound to stare
fighting everyone u see aint fair
what u gonna do? break they heads open with a chair?//
after that shit they’ll send yo ass to jail
u wanna turn out like ya dad? old and pale?
if ya kill the guy, yo ass is going straight to hell!!!//

brian:
I looked the other way
my ass aint going to jail this day
I need to find a way to get rid of this crave
later that night I started to pray//
needed strength to get rid of Damien
needed strength murdering him
shit, now im crying, going out on a limb
how the fuck is this guy always getting in?//
god, help me get rid of this demon!!
damien:nigga im always staying in!!
sleepy:get outa here u cant get him to commit sin!!
damien:shut the fuck up, therse no way i wont win!
Sleepy:get outa here ya future's grim
damien:fine then nigga, but ill be back again!!

the Prayer:
tears flow down my eyes
im alone, cant let no one see my cries
so much pain as wat i love dies
time to end the ties with despise
from now on this mind will be wise
hopefully ill end up with the ultimate prize//
please god bless me...
god does love me I know he sees
as everything evil in my soul does decrease
this demon will be destroyed and deceased//
ima keep praying to el espirito Santo
please god help me not to sin tanto//
I wanna be a good person but Damien doesn’t let me see repercussions
he says I should break heads and leave noses busted
he tells me to hurt people and feel proud about it
but now I see my errorous ways and u I shoulda trusted...//
now that im trying to remove despair
I sit down before god, he has a great stare
I see that there are people that really care
god is fair and I see the love that he shares
thank you god, for u I give this prayer....


(explanations:espirito santo=holy spirit, and "tanto"=much)

[rule]

Interesting way of structering this piece. the stanzas really stood out to me. You put a great deal of emotion into almost every line which was very unique i thought this was a well presented piece. good drop

and the topical battle for your try out in sf is up...good luck mayn

Can you peep something in my sig thanks

[Civilized Rebel]

This was pretty damn good.

Remind's me way to much of DMX's Damien songs. But I've only heard one, so bleh.

I'm definitly feeling the emotions. I'm actually feeling it too because I know exactly where you're coming from. I've felt that kind of scheiße before. Except I didn't call him Damien, I called him puberty. Same thing though, to a lesser extant.

~Shalom~

[DthsMissingAngel]

Wow, this had a lot of emotion and feeling in it. I can relate to it a lot, feelin like that. I liked this a lot. Good work. Keep it up

Fav lines:
tears flow down my eyes
im alone, cant let no one see my cries
so much pain as wat i love dies

[Neruda II]

thanx for the feedback everyone. im sorry i havent replied to any of ure poems, im tryin out for soft focucs and i gotta write a good poem. so after a while ill be back to writing for this forum and givin feedback to yall. everyone i know seems to like this poem, oh and yes it was inspired by damien 3 by dmx.

[shawty"B"]

hey i like this one alot!!! I can relate to this one very well in some points. necromancer is right... it sounds like puberty but also in everyday life i think that theres millions of people who live through what you've put into words.
FAVORITE PART....
but now I see my errorous ways and u I shoulda trusted...//
now that im trying to remove despair
I sit down before god, he has a great stare
I see that there are people that really care
god is fair and I see the love that he shares
thank you god, for u I give this prayer....

KEEP IT UP!!!!!!!