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Thread: My Teenage Eyes

  1. #1
    ..Truth.. rule's Avatar
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    My Teenage Eyes

    Perspectives of my lifes emotions constantly denied to believe
    Declare everything normal as I choke everytime I try to breath
    From heart felt memeries of the past now the devils my friend
    I turn my head to my pillow to pray to the lord for help again
    Comfort me..because..i'm going to be absolutly honest now
    These are my true..emotions..listen.. as I try to calm down

    Constantly trying to fit in with a crowd attempt a regular smile
    Say something rediculous as usual another case on my trial
    Act hyper..if i wasn't chrostaphibic..Basically I hide my identity
    How does a kid who hides in shadows have so many enimies
    I try to understand put these horrors in the back of my mind
    Attempt a new day with a new sun but days seem to rewind
    Hit replay another preview no commercials for hope or trust
    Pretend i'm special..but dam..I know i'm another piece of dust
    Images of a best friends support unlikely vital attempts..abort
    I'm reachin out my hand right beside you I still end up short
    A regular bases I clown myself I hate the person in the mirrow
    No friends or lovers just a river flowen thats dirty. It's unclear

    Restricted from guidness so I ask my self these questions
    Who am I? Why's the devil on my shoulders? A life lesson?
    Nobody really knows councillers don't help a waiste of time
    Longin to be a somebody..but what's out there for the blind?
    Regular routine of pitty with a rainbow above from my tears
    But these tears aren't skiddles there to let out my lonely fears
    Obscene emotions to the society that surrounds my actions
    Doesn't enforce friendship..hell..only participated attraction
    Leaving me left cold I feel devistated but to who do I explain
    My every tear, envy, wish hope, ounce of adapted pain..who..
    When nothings what you see or what you see is nothing..true?
    I'll touch bases on all my lost smiles fired onta another face
    Where a frown was suppose tobe neglected but took its place

    Heart pumps slow for the blood is leaking out of the skin tissue
    Propably wont live tobe old concious says who gunna miss you
    So I concentrate on whats good but it leaves a blank page
    Against evil loves a puberty issue..it's just another stage
    That lasts when your asleep until dreams evolve spirites
    Chases cupid out of my destiny a mans supose tobe fearless
    Unprotected soul lost in the fog of a acid dynasty to erupt
    I'll have another day to deny myself..but enough is enough
    Taking issues as they came isn't resolving anthying at any rate
    Lost child who's birthed with a mom on the pill..a true mistake
    Lifes full of regrets don't take sympathy as it comes I learned
    Gave advice in the past..now the tables irationaly turned
    Physically lookin at M-J you wouldn't see any differance of me
    Hated now..tragic..I listen to the words in the past for theropy
    Character trade off..love for hate..hate for love..it's retarded
    Ask another question..if lifes torture..why even let it be started

    Life isn't all fun and games Life's a game and it isn't amusing
    Strings break examples of hate are all around you blooming
    But the peddles of a flower unwatered are still worth reading
    Still worthy of a fresh bucket of water to continue breathing
    I'll attack my life painting with a brush built for a storm..
    take what is truthfully mine..
    Even though hell was where I was born...
    Paralized hate for 16 years I see clear the depths of demies
    stabilized the hate..
    To let loose..create a heavon for my teenage eyes...


    Feedback On This Would Be Apreciated..Thanks...Any Links I'll Hit yours up Also.

    Peace
    Soft Focus
    ..Returns..

  2. #2
    . Illus''s Avatar
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    "Perspectives of my lifes emotions constantly denied to believe
    Declare everything normal as I choke everytime I try to breath"

    Deep line..suffocation

    "Constantly trying to fit in with a crowd attempt a regular smile
    Say something rediculous as usual another case on my trial
    Act hyper."

    Nice flow and a good formated line...nice expression...

    "Chases cupid out of my destiny a mans supose tobe fearless
    Unprotected soul lost in the fog of a acid dynasty to erupt
    I'll have another day to deny myself"

    Well thought out line....Nice...


    "I'll attack my life painting with a brush built for a storm.."

    Nice artistic view...

    Flow was there...Nice peice going back to your teenage year..
    made me understand what you were going threw...
    well done....

    Laters..

  3. #3
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    Really Feelin' This Piece. . I Liked The Teenage Perspective. . So, Content Was Def Dope. . Vocab Was Nice, Multi's Were Good. . Imagery Was Dope When Used. . I Jus Loved Readin' This Piece, I Almost Read It Again, But I'm Tired As Fuck. . Much Props On This Man Forreal. .

    Perspectives of my lifes emotions constantly denied to believe
    Declare everything normal as I choke everytime I try to breath
    ^ ^ ^ Had Me Hooked On The 1st Two Bars Dog. . Dope Opening.

    - Return The Favor On My Piece. . . Fate . . . Much Appreciated -

  4. #4
    Echo
    Guest
    this was a good piece........... i think you did everything perfectly and your structure and flow were flawless......... you should really drop more open mics............ pz

  5. #5
    ..Truth.. rule's Avatar
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    thanks...uppen for some more replies...don't sleep
    Soft Focus
    ..Returns..

  6. #6
    ..Truth.. rule's Avatar
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    Uppen
    Soft Focus
    ..Returns..

  7. #7
    ..Truth.. rule's Avatar
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    ...uppen for some feedback...
    Soft Focus
    ..Returns..

  8. #8
    GeNiuS
    Guest
    Attempt a new day with a new sun but days seem to rewind
    Hit replay another preview no commercials for hope or trust
    Pretend i'm special..but dam..I know i'm another piece of dust

    damn so deep shit..definetely feeling the flow...multi's are unpredictable..nice...

    Life isn't all fun and games Life's a game and it isn't amusing

    nice touch...

    lost you flow sometimes towards the end...an multi's stopped being so foccussed which hampered flow but nice piece..

    drop feedback on this....thanks

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...hreadid=105566

  9. #9
    ..Truth.. rule's Avatar
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    Thanks uppen
    Soft Focus
    ..Returns..

  10. #10
    ..Truth.. rule's Avatar
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    up
    Soft Focus
    ..Returns..

  11. #11
    ..Truth.. rule's Avatar
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    things get slept on now with out the 3 link rule...fuck
    Soft Focus
    ..Returns..

  12. #12
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    Yeah i noticed that too.

    But this was a good piece....i enjoyed the read....the structure in this wa nice.....this piece had some good flow in it i thought, it stayed on point through out the whole piece...you had some nice vocab in there...it was a nice deep piece, made a good read i thought...keep at it.

  13. #13
    ..Truth.. rule's Avatar
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    thanks for the replies...uppen for some more though
    Soft Focus
    ..Returns..

  14. #14
    You've Earned a Custom Title! west's Avatar
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    Perspectives of my lifes emotions constantly denied to believe
    Declare everything normal as I choke everytime I try to breath
    "From heart felt memeries of the past now the devils my friend
    I turn my head to my pillow to pray to the lord for help again
    Comfort me..because..i'm going to be absolutly honest now
    These are my true..emotions..listen.. as I try to calm down"

    Deep as fuck and made great use of the pauses.Good emotion.


    "Constantly trying to fit in with a crowd attempt a regular smile
    Say something rediculous as usual another case on my trial
    Act hyper..if i wasn't chrostaphibic..Basically I hide my identity
    How does a kid who hides in shadows have so many enimies
    I try to understand put these horrors in the back of my mind
    Attempt a new day with a new sun but days seem to rewind
    Hit replay another preview no commercials for hope or trust
    Pretend i'm special..but dam..I know i'm another piece of dust
    Images of a best friends support unlikely vital attempts..abort
    I'm reachin out my hand right beside you I still end up short
    A regular bases I clown myself I hate the person in the mirrow
    No friends or lovers just a river flowen thats dirty. It's unclear"

    Every poetic based emcee has been here,explained emotions very well and used great imagery.

    "Restricted from guidness so I ask my self these questions
    Who am I? Why's the devil on my shoulders? A life lesson?
    Nobody really knows councillers don't help a waiste of time
    Longin to be a somebody..but what's out there for the blind?
    Regular routine of pitty with a rainbow above from my tears
    But these tears aren't skiddles there to let out my lonely fears
    Obscene emotions to the society that surrounds my actions
    Doesn't enforce friendship..hell..only participated attraction
    Leaving me left cold I feel devistated but to who do I explain
    My every tear, envy, wish hope, ounce of adapted pain..who..
    When nothings what you see or what you see is nothing..true?
    I'll touch bases on all my lost smiles fired onta another face
    Where a frown was suppose tobe neglected but took its place"

    Explained the pains and sorrow you can feel at this point in life.

    "Heart pumps slow for the blood is leaking out of the skin tissue
    Propably wont live tobe old concious says who gunna miss you
    So I concentrate on whats good but it leaves a blank page
    Against evil loves a puberty issue..it's just another stage
    That lasts when your asleep until dreams evolve spirites
    Chases cupid out of my destiny a mans supose tobe fearless
    Unprotected soul lost in the fog of a acid dynasty to erupt
    I'll have another day to deny myself..but enough is enough
    Taking issues as they came isn't resolving anthying at any rate
    Lost child who's birthed with a mom on the pill..a true mistake
    Lifes full of regrets don't take sympathy as it comes I learned
    Gave advice in the past..now the tables irationaly turned
    Physically lookin at M-J you wouldn't see any differance of me
    Hated now..tragic..I listen to the words in the past for theropy
    Character trade off..love for hate..hate for love..it's retarded
    Ask another question..if lifes torture..why even let it be started"

    Growing older now and explaining this well,very poetic with heartfelt emotion.

    "Heart pumps slow for the blood is leaking out of the skin tissue
    Propably wont live tobe old concious says who gunna miss you
    So I concentrate on whats good but it leaves a blank page
    Against evil loves a puberty issue..it's just another stage
    That lasts when your asleep until dreams evolve spirites
    Chases cupid out of my destiny a mans supose tobe fearless
    Unprotected soul lost in the fog of a acid dynasty to erupt
    I'll have another day to deny myself..but enough is enough
    Taking issues as they came isn't resolving anthying at any rate
    Lost child who's birthed with a mom on the pill..a true mistake
    Lifes full of regrets don't take sympathy as it comes I learned
    Gave advice in the past..now the tables irationaly turned
    Physically lookin at M-J you wouldn't see any differance of me
    Hated now..tragic..I listen to the words in the past for theropy
    Character trade off..love for hate..hate for love..it's retarded
    Ask another question..if lifes torture..why even let it be started"

    Lookin abit more optimistically at life now and well expressed,used multies and imagey aswell as nice pauses to encouraage the flow.


    Overall a poetic prayer here,to me resembles the prayer before DMX starts spiitin in "Ready To Meet Him",used wordplay,multiez,imagery,flow to express a raw emotion.This is the best peice i've seen of yours,deep like some of my stuff so i appreciated it.Very good stuff enjoyable read.

    P.s Hit mine up if you can

    Peace
    Last edited by west; January 14th, 2004 at 04:07 PM

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  15. #15
    ..Truth.. rule's Avatar
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    alright i'll hit yours up soon...and thankd for the indepth reply
    Soft Focus
    ..Returns..

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