Just My Thoughts

[TheAnointeD]

i wake up to gun shots,sirens and loud screams
children with hopes and dreams of seeing more then brick walls and screens
teens who greatly lean on the society the media portays
i live in a concrete jungle where death and life together plays
its always hot in the ghetto
whether its the weather or the block
where the ethnicities run in flocks and the pursuit of the white rock
keeps cops runnin like jocks with stainless glocks around the clock
trying to prevent further shock of illegal sustances being docked
on the door steps of our people
when will it ever stop
why doesnt pain knock before it convinces your heart to drop
generation to generation
father to son
mother to daughter
we need to wake cause mentally were being slaughtered
and the alarm was suppose to go off.................. many years ago
but the batteries that lead our society seem to be running low
so who will present the charge
the boost
the ol kick in the pants
that will enhance us as a race and not as an individual man


quick keystlye....hope u feel me



http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...threadid=98821
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...threadid=94145
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...threadid=99360

[Neruda II]

im feelin the poem, good stuff. a reason i like it so much has to do that i feel it, and that we got similar styles.

vocab-6/10
rhymes-8/10
message-8/10
feelings-7/10
metas/similes-7/10
overall-36/50

final thoughts:felt the poem alot, and dont think of my opinion as a bad one, i like this alot, its just that its hard to acheive perfection.

[brian2488]

wow man, i really liked your poem, everything made alot of sense and it relates to the most of the world today. it's powerfull stuff, keep up the good work!