Gone for a short battle(love stuff)

[TRIBAL]

I met this gurl the most sweetest i've met in a long time
Her eyes, her lips her hips her everything...its time
These last couple days we have spend together its been fun
The long slow walks on the beach together under the hot sun
Two souls two hearts glued never wanting to be aparte
I still look back to see this dream from the start
Remember we laughed and cried you told me you loved me
I said i swear i love you more i'll do anything for you to be wid me
I'v done alote to keep that great smile glowing wen your wid me
I jus wish the whole world would stop to see
Its come down to us splittin aparte for one reason being
I have to leave you but your the only one i will be seeing
This is tough but this solider has too go so plz wait
When i come back from this battle you'll be here to wait



true story


peace

[KeyMo Thera P]

understandable ..very simple rhyme scheme coulda thru in some multies u know heighten up the flow ...topic was pretty decent this was a decent peice overall could have been better tho ..but id like see more from you .

[Mistral]

This was alright i thought...i enjoyed the read...simple rhyme scheme but it was alright though...Felt this as i read through it...you ended this pretty well i thought...had some pretty decent vocab....but overall this was a alright piece here...keep at it.

[TRIBAL]

thanx for the honest feed back...

looking for sum more feed back


peace


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[Gunna XL]

ok but just a little bit to predictable and cliche no offense but true