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Thread: Try Me

  1. #1
    Banned
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    Try Me

    Posted in: King Of Theivez, kmfrob, JUS-10

    Nothing brings-me-down, cause theres always things-to-clown..
    Spit balls to fling-around, hitting you so you cling-the-ground…
    Theres just no-miss, cause its like having a slow-bliss…
    And just know-this, chances of beating me, slim to none, go-wish...
    Just go pray-to-god, cause I will slay-your-squad..
    Better off to play-the-odds, cause my lyrics make-ya-nod…
    Break-ya-quads…so you can just stay-and-listen..
    Hey-ya-pissen, cause im saying it so good ya say-ya-glisten
    Like a bat lyrics Beat-ya-face, no need to leak-ya-hate…
    Cause ya reak-the-place, and I just speak-ya-fate…
    Cause im a Death-maker like The Reaper, just a breath-taker…
    A threat-hater, like a heart disease im a chest-acher…
    The best-flavor…of choice, with the vocal voice…
    Having songs, that cant go wrong, in my lyrics you rejoice..
    Lyrics tapping ya brain like morse-code, my words arent coarse-though..
    My lyrical source-blows like a volcano with so much force-hoe…
    I got punches ya never heard-of, hurts so much like ya first-love…
    You think ya the worst-thug ya have water guns to squirt-slugs..
    I spit lyrics to decay-ears, im like nightmares I replay-fears…
    So I can betray-peers, ya wins like the fountain of youth I delay-years…

  2. #2
    ..Truth.. rule's Avatar
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    a lot of good inteligant rhymes in this, very well done. flow was on point i wouldn't critiue this ...keep it up pz
    Soft Focus
    ..Returns..

  3. #3
    .:alliK:.
    Guest
    ^word nice vocab and structure...
    flow was aight, not great, but aight
    7/10
    could;ve been longer 2...

  4. #4
    BEST topical writer... Endeva.'s Avatar
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    Awards OM WOTM SS HOF SS HW Champion OM HOF 25+ Wins
    Word to ma dawg.....................
    ..........................................
    .......................//...//...
    [youtube]99ns8n2S40g[/youtube]

  5. #5
    Pot 'Ed pot1ent's Avatar
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    I think your vocab needs to be upped especially the words you rhymed. .I don't think it could of got any more basic. .I say every line had multis. .But maybe thats why you rhymed such, such simple words. .The content was okay. .Nothing really good, yet it wasn't wack. .Try using some more complex lines, ie. imagery, w/p, science(a different perspective thats real. .na'mean)

    Pz
    Pot` Ed.

    I dropped to show RM what hot was;
    And this faggot got Butterflies in his stomach the size of Mothra

    Your text is just another weak display
    One fist to your eye'll make it go through that black album remix phase. - Saviour Arraign

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  6. #6
    I'm Roman Catholic Lord Sarcasm's Avatar
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    Originally posted by .:alliK:.
    ^word nice vocab and structure...
    flow was aight, not great, but aight
    7/10
    could;ve been longer 2...
    so could've been your review, but ok, it was an overall good piece, vocab was nicely put down, wordplays were on point, the subject was kinda "eh", you had pretty tight-nit flow, jus one thing, wen your doing anything its kinda elementary to be using "-" or any other types of signs to point out stuff, if u ever do use it only let it be in a battle, but an overall good piece
    WordPerfect

  7. #7
    The R in RB.Com
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    hypens suck!
    potent told you exactly what im trying to tell you
    you NEED to stop forcing the rhymes

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  8. #8
    MBP
    Guest
    that song was raw props big time, that was sick

  9. #9
    MBP
    Guest
    oh and the realist you should shut your mouth all you do is post on other peoples battles but you don't battle yourself you fucking pussy

  10. #10
    .D. CYPHA
    Guest
    damn-sounds like that was a call out!!!but back to masta c, i thought it was aight-6/10--they're right about the vocab, but i also understand that every verse isn't always scientifical or intellectual--sometimes its just straight talking shit.

  11. #11
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    lol some high tension in here..but thanks for the feedback its all noted, and keep the feedback coming in, its much appreciated, thanks.

  12. #12
    Ken Dawg
    Guest
    Good rhyme choice and flow..elevate and you will have something gold..aight peace

  13. #13
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    Hey thanks for the feedback, keep the feedback coming in, its much appreciated, thanks.

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