[Wk3] Whitelightning vs Feeble Minded

[Maven.]

Verses Due: Friday, October 31st 2003
Voting Ends: Monday, November 3rd 2003

Pick A Topic From This List

Make it Dope.

[Richard Parker]

well, im in !

[Whitelightning]

checkin in

I am gunna do The Extra Mile....

Voted On:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...589#post870589

[Richard Parker]

i'll do the 8 miles.. like eminem

[Whitelightning]

*walks on the stage...looks up and sees only one person listening*
*Puts the mic up to his mouth*

Your the only person that needs to hear this...
The only person to take this to heart

The Beginning:

Moving On In A Continual Adventure
I Meet Another Challenge At Lifes Colourful Juncture
Adversity Is A Normal Eradic Occurence
People Approach It With Such A Blinding Ingnorence

TRANSLATION:

We Both Promised Not To Conform
A New Breed Of Relationships To Be Born
The Respect We Had Seemed Endlessly Deep
Feelings Were Strong To Infinitely Keep
Sacrifices We Made For Each Other Were Numerous
We Both Kept Happy Being Simultaneously Humourous
Our Bond Seemed Full And Unbreakable
Our Lifes Seemed Complete But Not Quite Full
You Accepted Me On The Surface
But Deep Inside You Missed True Purpose
So Similar Yet We Lived Different Lives
You Walked On A Feathered Path While I Touched Knives
Not Creating Big Wounds Or Pain
Just Enough To Show The Bloody Stain
My Life Experience Put Me On a Different Level
You Seemed To Want To Join Me On The Pedestal
Approached For A Peak To See What I Was About
You Realized Our Differences Causing Inevitable Doubt
Your Top Blew Violently And Careless
You Proved My Life Is A Complete Fucking Mess
I Fell To The Ground Faster Than The World Trade
It Affected The People Around Like a Frag Grenade
I Wanted To Repair The Damage And Start Reconstruction
You Seemed Happy With My Internal Combustion
We Didn't Have To Let Things Get So Incredibly Vile
We Coulda Put Forth The Effort And Went The Extra Mile

*Drops the mic, and to his knees*
*The curtains close*

Dedication: To My Ex Girlfriend...

What We Had Will Never Be Forgotten. Take Care Of Yourself. I Will Miss You Dearly.

[Richard Parker]

i felt inside myself, thus.. touched by a strangers hands
soul not troubled yet.. but really.. with danger planned
a different person, never met myself...ready for dejavu ?
not then, or now.. just prepared for those to hate on you
the pressure inside - it erupts, to streams of tears -
maybe when im in another place i'll dream of here
for now, dwell, what has been, but what never was
and for all the pain inside, wonder what it ever does
prone to spill, shed tears, the drops the size of hail
the truth - depression, cant match the lies i felt -
captive of myself, no one knows - what its like to be
and how hard it is - i'm the only one to fight for me
you die alone, try alone, no one there, not unlikely
hoping for the end -that it wont be what it might be
the soul spills out - in SS verses, cant tell it all-
self beat down by others - emotions turn hellish yall
the negative criticism, turns savage, i cant take it
i was buried inside myself, needed a shovel, to fake it -
what i was in the beholders eyes, was no surprise
- but it was buried deep beneath my own surmise
my lonely prize, was to hide away, cast out -
even that.. to be suffocated by my last doubts
what i accomplished, what was to be, at bay
to timid, a writer? insulted simply by "thats gay"
i'll say, my friends what i did that night, i wrote -
my last letter, at last.. - my suicide note

[The Realist]

Lighting...
I like the flow of your piece it was a very easy read... The vocabulary was there... A few rhymes were forced but nothing outrageous... The topic was showed well, good emotion and imagery

Feeble...
From a technical aspect this was great... the flow and mulits were top notch.. The apporach on the topic was unique.. i dont quite catch how its the extra mile but its good... it felt that the begining didnt quite match the end.. wasnt two different topics just didnt match...but thats my opinion

vote - White Lightining

[Born To Kill]

I'm feeling the same thing, man...

Lightning tore this up with real emotion, great vocab, and a good, strong rhyme scheme...
I really found no flaws other than the fact that he lost his chick in the verse.

8.75/10

Feeble, not sure what you were getting at with this. I loved the opening line, that was dope as all hell...
But, just didn't see how ya related the rest of it to the topic.
Ya vocab was a bit simple, aside from that, and kinda missing the topic...
This was a very ill piece.

7.5/10

White Lightning

[Sir Skiddz SoPhrenic]

Feeble..you seemed to Start Out Great, but then you just fell off when you were supposed to make your piece stronger, and that was towards the middle. This just took out what could've been a great verse. It was still good, but now what it could've been

Lightning.. You had a nice verse, and it was a pretty nice piece, Some lines were forced, but you stayed consistent throughout the piece, and you delivered some strong lines..Good Shit

My Vote-Lightning

good job fellas

[Auspicious]

Lightning Is Stepping Up.. Thats For Sure
Easy Read, Good Flow And I Re-Read It
Over And Found How It Should Be To Your
Ex, And It Went Along Nicely.. Getting Better.

Feeble.. Multis And Flow Overwhelmed This
Piece, Yet The "On Topic" Aspect Is What I
Questioned In Sum Spots. Not Bad Here
Just Thought You Could Have Done Better
With A Different Topic.

Vote - Whitelightning

[Thrust]

WL is gunna get a shot sometime...this peice was good...
strong story... hit the topic well...
vocab...the way u put it was good...flow was tight...
deff. 1 of your stronger points...
good job


feeble...i couldn't get into to it much...u've done better...
it was decent but not enuff 2 win...
some catchy shit...but most seemed to just fill ur story...
u finished better than u started too...


vote=WL

[Qui-Gon Illy]

ok well since eveyone has summed it all up/..... i will do it again

WL i was really feelin your verse.. .it had good structure and rhyme scheme... the flow was there the whole time... and it was a GREAT story line

I didnt like how you came on this one feeble... i dont like the multi topic topical even though it is original i guess... you just didnt reach the bar that WL set with his verse

Vote - WhiteLightning

[Topic]

i like wl verse alot, very good vocab and story, good structure and good rhyme scheme

wasnt feeling feebles to much, dont know if were aloud to pick more then 1 topic but yeah wasnt feelin it
vote white lightning

[Richard Parker]

Originally posted by Ill-Mental
you just didnt reach the bar that WL set with his verse

i thought we were playing limbo...

[f-gee]

to be honest i didnt like WL's verse
it seemed kind of hollow
and the begining didnt rhyme at all (first verse)
seemed like you were trying to hard to use good vocab...just didnt capture me on this one

feeble
i dont like you...at all
but i think you won this not that it will count for anything cos WL has about 8 votes
u seemed to put some heart into it and i liked your scheme alot better
just a better verse from all aspects except vocab wise....and a good little twist at the end

it wasnt a great battle
both need a fair bit of work but i vote feeble