Check in's by TUESDAY
Verses are due THURSDAY
Voting End's SATURDAY
16-48 lines,
you must drop the links to 5 battles
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Topic...
One Shot (Don't bite Eminem)
Mad Man
fgee
Check in's by TUESDAY
Verses are due THURSDAY
Voting End's SATURDAY
16-48 lines,
you must drop the links to 5 battles
that you have voted on in this thread.
Topic...
One Shot (Don't bite Eminem)
- MadMan -
Former Administrator's: Yes, We're That Much Better
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fgee, this is a pretty big battle homeboy, I hope you are ready, cause.....
Mad's gonna give it to ya, OH SHITTTT
- MadMan -
Former Administrator's: Yes, We're That Much Better
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lmao at dont bite eminem......
i was gonna quote his whole verse.....
yeah i'm bringing it......2moro or tuesday probably
You need Ghost Dog in your DVD collection
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it's a bold statement - the new youtube
...::ºTheoryº::...
Kids in this world are all the same, but that's not how they're treated
Picked on by bullies growing up, their emotions grow heated
To the point where right and wrong, become a faded line
Getting back at who they want, it's only a matter of time....
...::ºInnocenceº::...
Todd had always grown up, being known as the outcast
When at recess they played sports, he was always picked last
Teased and picked on, his glasses were too thick
His clothes out of style, being jewish, called a 'spick'
Parents lived below poverty level, his dad was always drunk
Came home and beat his children, but Todd put forward a strong front
But no one had sympathy, on the contrary, they thought it funny
Asked "Why he had no lunch today, your dad use it for booze money"
Todd had taken all that he could have beared
Sinking into deep depression, his life was in disrepair.
...::ºHigh Schoolº::...
Teasing never seemed to stop for him as he had gotten older
Bullies kept coming, the remarks were even bolder
"What's that scar from, did the old man go berzerk?"
"How can he afford the booze if he doesn't have work?"
Todd sick of it all, proceeded to drop out of high school
Got his GED, couldn't make enough to buy food
Angry as to what had caused all of his suffering through the years
Grabbed his gun and went out, through the pain of his tears
...::ºWhat Came Nextº::...
He knew who he'd kill, it was seared into his mind
The person responsible for all this, he would find
And he walked up behind, he was crying, deeply he was sad
Pointed the gun, and fired....He had just killed his Dad...
Who's death will be on your shoulders?
Edited for a typo
Last edited by MadMan; June 24th, 2003 at 01:23 AM
- MadMan -
Former Administrator's: Yes, We're That Much Better
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that was a really good one i though.a mean ya think that your gonna go with oneshot at something that would change your lifeand help you go places...in a way it is but instead it was one shot to end the thing tht stopped you actually going places
wow..deep shit..i loved it MM...ps: is he really banned or is he dicking with us? If your not, why was he banned?
<center>[size=6I'm Back..Did Ya Miss Me?[/size]</center>
please dont count the exercpts as the verse......it helps to explain shit but isnt the main text.....let me know...and sorry for the length......enjoy
*in a city of corruption.....no one can be trusted*
we take a look into the lives of a certain mob.....late one night at an abandoned factory...on a dark rainy road.....
on the edge of the city car lights probed the dark night
taking a right turn....engulfed by the downpour and dissapearing from sight
the two cars rumbled slowly along the road....emissions emitted like seeds of evil to be sown
nearing the factory lights beamed against the crumbling walls
images of graphitti drawn....guns and tags seeing the future of what lay before
the blacked out vehicles slipped their masks the contents within to carry out a sinful task
entering the mouth of the building at last...engines cut out then the minutes passed
soon another engine cut into the silence and rays illuminated the building like sparkling diamonds
but what happened next......could it be described as violence?
*little did the occupants of the vehicles realise three youths had seen them coming and were up above in the beams of the roof*
*anticipating a deal of some kind and eager to witness the activity they stayed quietly above, while the new car drew up along side the early arrivals*
meanwhile.....back down below....
car doors slammed and voices drifted above to open ears
'Where is IT?I haven't seen IT for eighteen years' < late arrival
'Have you got the goods?I want a smoothe exchange' <black car mob
'Yeah.The case is loaded with currency just as we arranged'
Suddenly the source of light was cut immersing all in the dark
A scuffle could be heard as a shot rang out following the remark
Glued to the scene the gang peered into the bleak but only rough outlines could be seen
A machine erupted into life and the late arival cruised away as if by routine
In the swoop of lights a view from above revealed a body with a weapon clutched by a glove sprawled in a pool of blood
Shaking with fear and unsure what to do the gang waited silently in the roof
Whispering they finally agreed to crawl through a hole and hoped they weren't pursued
Meanwhile the two black cars sat silently the machines not making a sound
The gang touched ground and sprinted for their life leaving death for dead with every bound
With heels of wings they parted ways, on contact with home turf opened and locked doors in a daze
Each one's mind racing performing laps in the mental haze....
*eventually getting to sleep one member Mike, woke up in the morning afraid to leave his bed....nervously flinching at the slightest noise images playing in a loop in his head*
*alone in the house he ignored phone calls and couldnt force himself from the sheets....but eventually at around 5 o'clock he heard something drop into the mailbox*
*facing his fears he ran to the front door and picked up the evening paper..........Front page....
'Multiple gang homocide at abandoned factory'
Four bodies were found murdered last night...three in vehicles and one outside
It's been placed on a gang divide....accusations at the notorious Italian mob have been denied
The bodies were all killed by a single gun shot....no incriminating evidence has been found or suspects caught
Details of the bodies have not been released...and only family members have been informed of the deceased
The property due to be leased is taped off and under high security by police
At the press conference chief Benoit has asked witnesses to contact the station....staff will be ready on phone in expectation
*but there was only ONE SHOT fired....what happened?....remember....i did say the city was corrupt.......*
You need Ghost Dog in your DVD collection
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it's a bold statement - the new youtube
To Be Honest I Think Fgee's Was Very Well Written, And So Was Mad Man's ... But Im A Stickler For The Emotional Stuff.. And I Liked The Struggle You Could Sense In Mad Mans Verse Between The Main Character And The Life Around Him... Fgee Your Verse Was Very Good.. But Mad'z Writing Edged It Out This Time..
Vote Mad Man
.WP. .. It' Still Perfect..
ok these were both awesome topicals....... but i think mad took this......fgee had what you would think of when you say one shot.... but mad took the unbeaten path, thats what i look for when i vote on topical battles... the unbeaten path... it shows that you think different from the norm.... but otherwise great battle guys
hit up mine vs addlib
This was a good battle.Fge that is how you tell a story when you rap.I was reading another verse done by another rapper.I will have to go with Fgee.The reason why?,I'm kind of tired of hearing about kids getting picked on and killing some one.
Fuckin illness... the topicals what a place for outlet....
NE WAYZ
Mad came good as fuck well told....I dont wanna say unoriginal, cause tha mobsta shit is too....
But basing it soley on the telling and flow concept...
Fgeee was on hit solid... too fuckin long (Isnt there a limit)
but overall I would still vote for fg
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Nyce drop by both, mad luv for both
Mad Man: Wordplay: 7 for consistency and simplicity, rhyme scheme: 6 for simplicity, story: 8 for originality, total: 21
Fgee: Wordplay: 8 for flow and diction, rhyme scheme: 6 for simplicity, story: 8 for originality, total: 22
close battle, Fgee took it, he gets my vote, stay real, peace, 1 luv
Mad Man's verse was good, no doubt. But it didn't make a strong impression on me. I won't call it contrived, but I could see what was coming. And that is not to say fgee's was a shocker, but some of the writing, and especially the scene-setting was pretty impressive. And I don't want to give points away just for the length, but there was a sense of work in fgee's verse that superceded Mad Man's here. Still a close battle, and truth be told I am predisposed to like Mad Man's interpretation of the topic more. But fgee's verse wins.
Vote = fgee
FGee's verse was very good, very well written
good concept nicely done.
mad's was the same but i prefered mad's style
i'm a sucker for the emotions.
Vote = mad-man
Mad Man
Had a consistent flow throughout the piece. . Could have been a bit more creative with the topic at hand, but it still hit hard. Was a much more polished piece and structured better.
Fgee
I'm surprised. . Absolutely surprised at the caliber you wrote at. Unfortunately, it seems (to me) as if you had all the ideas you wanted to write about in your head, but kind of threw them all together without much arrangement. Regardless of that, it was a great piece, but I don't believe it was good enough to beat Mad Man's. Flipped the topic amazingly well, and showed real competition.
The Verdict : Mad Man
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