Whats the point of living

[Forlorn]

Hey Erika it realy is me-sam

.....Whats the point of living.....
If theres nothing worth living for?
.....What's the point of trying.....
If theres nothing worth trying for?

Sometimes i wonder why the fuck i bother
When i have no lover, no appreciation
I ponder the sole purpose of reincarnation
Attempt to make up for my failures on my playstation
Sit by the train station wasting, killing my youth
Pondering why i have this view of this hateful world
I yield a useless crop inside my head
Comtemplating if i would be a better person dead
A peice of lead is a doorway to another dimension
where i can release this tension, dont mention
The past Because then my emotions are released to fast
The outcome is drast, in the race i always came last
Sometimes i wonder why i bother arguing
Harvesting false arguments beginning embarkments
journey in dream unhemming my brains seam
I enjoy my dreams much more than life
I have never wanted a wife those are for the normal
I'm strictly abnormal, but it wasnt my choice
It was those that gave me ugly face and a useless voice

[Forlorn]

no replies??

[LM]

This peice was pretty good.....
Flow was mostly up to par but in a few places was a bit sloppy.
Vocab was fine and the topic was original.
Structure could have been improved but It didnt bring the peice down too much.
Overall good drop......8/10

check this out
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...hreadid=105926

[Forlorn]

yeah this is a bit diferent to normal text peices cos it will actually be made into an audio and it's structured to flow to the beat

Pce

[rule]

this was a well writtin piece witbh some very good aspects to it. the vocab i felt for an audio piece was very good...a lot of good lines....some nice imergry and question to ask....well done peace

[Forlorn]

thanks man.
Uppin

[Forlorn]

uppin for at LEAST one more reply.

[Mother Fucker]

Nice Drop, Now I Can See Where Your User Name Originates...Your Intro Kinda Reminded Me Of The Hook On That Tupac And Biggie Song For The Movie..Which Was Pretty Original..And You Had A Nice Flow, Good Vocab, And A Very Good Structure

Best Line:

Originally Posted by Emotion:
Comtemplating if i would be a better person dead
A peice of lead is a doorway to another dimension
where i can release this tension, dont mention
The past Because then my emotions are released to fast

Its Nice To See Alot Of Thought Placed Into A Drop..Good Work

Vocab - Very Good
Flow - Perfect
Structure - Perfect
Topic - Very Good
Originality - Very Good
Emotion - Perfect

I Gotta Give This A 9/10, Good Work

[Forlorn]

Yeah thanks alot man, uppin this shizznazzle

[Split]

i was definately feeling this, and your i understand the dillemma with the structure. Your vocab was on point. Deepness was was the shining characteristic of the piece,
was hard to get it to flow in my head, but if you wrote it to lace it over a beat, its hard to put it on paper so that it flows, understandable.

7/10 good drop

if you could return the favor, and critique my latest piece "Hell", with some good constructive feedback, i would appreciate it

[Forlorn]

thanks^^uppss

[Orikle]

Yeah not bad brother...just remember...Don't put in a multi just for the sake of rhyming...THINK about what you're writing..Pz..

[Forlorn]

lol^^ i USE to do that but not for this peice i thought about each word before putting it in.

[Verbatim]

nice drop like everyone said, we all ask that question sometimes, but what can ya do, anyway, i liked this, the vocab was nice, and the flow was also very good, i thought the structure was fine myself, but yeh man keep droppin peace,

if ya wouldn't mind, could ya please check out link in my sig, being slept on madly

peace

[Forlorn]

ups