Tribulations

[Lulong]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...65#post1053365
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...95#post1053395
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...28#post1053428

been hella busy lately.. i gotta hustle to pay off my lawyers and fines.. yet I just got caught for possesion.. and now i have to pay more fines fuck right!!! so im seriously thinkin about givin it all up.. and goin straight for awhile.. thats what this song is pretty much about.. me tryin to figure out this shit

I started out smoking the chronic leaves, now i'm smokin on meth amphetamines
at the age of 16 i sold to 40 year old fiends
give me a break, i entered the game selling shake
but I became a snake and wrestled the fakes
I did this so i could take the top and kick all the cowards out the spot
plotted out everything and especially what product was bought
fought with demons till all i could think of was the screaming
feeling as if i was floating on a cloud, steady dreaming
disconnected from life, drugs got me feelin light
so I play at night so i can feed off the blight
I am contrite, for I have done many things wrong
wanting to belong, all the while singing the same song
moms stayed strong, told me that I could change my fate
I need a new mind state, the old one was irate
cause now im faced with a steady change of pace
embracin random thoughts and random situations
through generations we as a society have brought limitations
through routines we have doomed our nation
thats why there hasnt been a revolution
for routines are what disconnects us from life
you might as well pick up a knife and end your strife
i know these views are as high-pitched as a fife
but believe me when i say, we need to fight
we must beg the lord to watch our back
so I kneel and explain to him why i still wear my strap

HOOK:
please forgive me my wicked ways
these are the strugglin days
try to free myself from societies gaze

blaze up a blunt and find a hoe to fuck
steady stuck in situations that drain my luck
i need to learn to tuck my shirt in and button up
mabye instead of dunking i should shoot a lay-up
all my life i played rough ive had enough
tired of hand cuffs and actin tough
no longer can I huff, no longer can I puff
never again will i try intentially to sin
for the demons within got me feelin chagrin
they hurt my pride, fucked up my stride
its time to decide, for both cannot coincide

HOOK:
Please forgive me for my wicked ways
these are the strugglin days
try to free myself from societiez gaze

[Lulong]

uppin for feedback plz

[RapidFire]

pretty nice concept...Sort of a "redemption" theme...I give you an 8 on content..

your rhymescheme wasn't above average, but it wasn't too simple...I'll give you a 6.5 on rhymescheme

multis were decent....7.5

nice flow...hook was decent too...8 on that

you worded things nicely...I liked ur first line the most..iono why..I give you a 8.5 on word usage...not vocab or wordplay...


overall nice drop..

peace

[Mistral]

Yeah this was alright i thought....your structure was alright, it could use some work in some spots..some lines were kinda stretched out a bit though....the flow in this was pretty good, it stayed on through out the piece...the hook was alright i thought...keep at it.

[Lulong]

still uppin for feedback, plz dont sleep

[Lulong]

uppin for feedback still, thx to all that have already hit this up

[True-Souldja]

very nice, original... great concept. flow was choppy in some spots. Rappin about actuall events makes it a bit more interesting, cause u visualize the shit happening. your rhymes were well played, made it flow better. overall i give it an 8/10.
decent drop.
pZ.

[Illus']

Ok to be Blunt...

This would be a nice song....peding on how you sing it and the delivery....Your structure isn't good but that doesn't matter if this is going to become audio....which I hope you do...and let others listen...

Concept was pretty nice and vocab was there....seriously was pretty nice....Like I said hope to listen to the audio....

laters..

[Lulong]

I plan to do it in audio when my friend finishes the beat hes pretty good with fruity loops but has been drinkin alot lately and hasnt had time.. i guess thats my fault tho i started it when i brought him a lugjug of captain for new years since then hes been drinkin everyday.. o well.. it will get completed someday im not in a big hurry.. thanks for the feedback tho i appreciate it still uppin for more

[Lulong]

plz dont sleep still uppin for feed

[Lulong]

i felt this piece got slept on and i totally forgot about it.. so plz hit me up with some feedback i would really like to improve this piece