Passion

[Scot Free]

Verse 1:
Shorty I ain't witnessed lust in a long time
It's somethin bout you-got me buildin up a strong vibe
and plus I ain't got long in this short life
Cause you and I know alot what the worlds like
I'm an unwealthy man reachin for a helpin hand
as time goes by girl I hope you understand
That my plans to get richer and if you can
provide a nigga and lace him wit the first chance
I'm ya first mans--so tell me R U still down
if not--then holla at me when I'm rich now
I'm askin fo yo heart baby but you turn away
mixed emotions got you thankin I'm hurt wit pain
not worth the shame but you love me in the worst way
since I worked game and hit it on the first date
I search fate and a lover from this cold world
built relations cause you not like most girls
But in the mist boo We're not in arms length
Distant lovers from another and so far away
Felt a sharp blade of pain penetrate yo heart
Our seperation devistated and had you torn apart
Knowin that i'm in the clouds-- won't be back again
wishin you trust me before the accident
havin fits when you see my picture on the wall
feelin weak-drop yo knees-and hit the floor
but wipe ya eyes love and stay strong
I know ya feel me ma' so I wrote this last song
now that's passion.....

[Scot Free]

N litEnd

[Scot Free]

Words~Perfect
Katz.frost

[Endeva.]

it started off reading like a poem... basic scheme...you need to carry the rhyme further add some internals... work on multis... but seemed like you got some feeling into it so thats good....jus work on it ..pZ

[Religion]

1) Badish
The bad is the common (a) (b) rhyme style and too chopped up too and sporting a Pac vocab, for better or worse.

2) Goodish
Kind of real feelings (?) should make it a bit rawer tho, and throw in some word play to represent the feelings shown. Like some ish showing how cool it is etc. If you made it more advanced, the style could compare with some Pac joints, but a long way there yet.

3) Conclusion – fuck the ish
Mix it up, take it further, play with it, and make it more unpredictable.

[Edicius]

Follow the rules state u'r 3 names/links to Open mic's u replyed on else this will be closed, Thank u..

[snakeyes]

nice drop for someone special dog. only you know how it really be sounding dog. i just think you have your own way of expressing your emotions and dat is word.

[Knock Out Punch]

i think this was preety good man i like this shit son keep it up

[Se7eN]

that shit was hot dawg, I think i'd give it 1-10 a 9 and a half good job, keep it up

[Se7eN]

good job

[Topic]

needs work, expand it more with vocab and more indept, needs more rhyme sheme, something to make us look again