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Thread: SS Collab: Suicidal Complication

  1. #16
    Veteran Born To Kill's Avatar
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    May 2003
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    Hmmm...

    A bit confused...

    Guess it was just a suicide attempt...

    The "jump" was a dream sequence, eh?

    At least that's how I saw it...

    He'd od'd on pills, but envisioned a much more final death for himself.

    Jumping and hitting concrete is so...final...forever.

    Pills is a pretty roundabout method of killing yourself.
    Ya really just begging to be found and saved.
    That or you're a wuss, either way, you don't truely wanna die.

    Real good imagery displayed by both.

    Real good ponderance put out by both.

    I liked TR's format more, thought Chrit described death better.
    Or what he thought was death.
    I liked the "electrical patterns" shit...
    Blunt head trauma can cause those visions too...s'cool.

    Overall, real good, not great, but real good.

    Peace

  2. #17
    ... Chrit.'s Avatar
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    We be like doper than you and stuff
    AI

  3. #18
    ... Chrit.'s Avatar
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    Awards Cypher Winner - Award Request Accepted LLL HOF OM HOF SS HW Champion LLL Champion 1-2 Season Champion 1-2 Punch HW Champion FL Champion 100+ Wins ABL Champion
    ...
    AI

  4. #19
    beyond dope.
    Join Date
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    reply too mine bitch^

    simple rhyme sheme from both, expexted a more complex one .. but the message came across though .. not bad fam` short but effective eh?
    Last edited by Edicius; March 22nd, 2005 at 09:44 AM

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    - Artificial Intelligence

  5. #20
    i thought it was a good piece. it displayed realism in emotion, but i think you could work on your structure alittle bit more with this one, but overall i enjoyed reading it...
    everything that has a beginning, has an end

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