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Thread: NUCLEAR CONCEPTS:The Rebelion- The Death Of Abashi

  1. #1
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Spike Sanders's Avatar
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    NUCLEAR CONCEPTS:The Rebelion- The Death Of Abashi

    replied to:
    RULE
    WORD~P
    LoCo

    FROM THIS POINT ON IN MY REBELION STORY, I WILL BE
    WRITING FROM THE VIEWS OF THE PEOPLE I MENTIONED IN PT 1.

    One thing the word -voice- is not to be read, just skim past it. Only the word -voice-, not what he says.

    I now live alone to atone for my sins
    But for my crimes there is - no atonement
    There is no forgiveness for me even from above the clouds
    Even he has turned his back on me now

    -voice- "hello abasi. it is time for you to come out"
    -voice- "time for u to remember. before time runs out"
    Who is there? What! No! I don't want to remember
    -voice- "you have to. your knowledge you must surrender"
    Who is there!!! Why can't I see u? -voice-"BE QUITE AND LISTEN!
    -voice- "the world needs u. so be still and pay attention"
    -voice- "look back into your past an recall your invention"
    -voice- "the day of it's activation, what was you mission"

    {in hypnotic trance}
    I was your below average mc with an above average plan
    To connect the worlds entire hip hop population
    A way for artist to battle across the nation
    Without the need for a face to face confrontation
    See the net left a huge hole for freestyle manipulation
    Fools where claiming freestyle but if you changed the station
    To a live broadcast their lyrics would take a vacation
    Real hip hop was something they weren’t up to facin
    Though there where some true voices that could speak the word
    Real to the heart of the art but without the power to be heard
    Lost in the numbers the real where mixed in with the fake
    It was my mission in life to correct this mistake
    My challenge? To unlock the freestyle gates
    To make a live battle possible, in 2 different states
    My fate, and to do so I used mans 4 greatest creations
    A tv, phone, computer, and mic, including the mic stand
    And with these hands I began to change the faith of man
    A chain of events of evil "I" alone began

    -voice- “again I ask u to calm down and take it slow”
    -voice- “we still have a rather long ways to go”
    -voice- “now continue, cause I now want to know”
    -voice- “what became of this device, and who did you show”

    {panicked voice}
    One, only him, a past foe of mine
    We battled before and that day victory wasn’t mine
    He had crush me, scared me, made me change my style
    Left broken and defeated in a state of denial
    Though with my new toy things would be live, they would be different
    So I mailed him a copy of the blue print
    With a letter stating a challenge to be part of hip hop history
    We would be the first to battle live! “I would have my victory”
    Though he only pretended to except my challenge
    Rather, he egged me own to obtain my knowledge
    He asked me what was it called? I told him a micro-phone
    It would let mc battle across states like talks on the telephone
    But when hooked up to the net or rather the tv
    You could see your opponent and your opponent can see thee
    “Fancy C? Hello? Hello?” after that was dial tone
    I called for weeks, but strangely {short spurt of anger}"FANCY CAKES" was never home

    {yelling/screaming}
    After that came destruction, King Fancy had come for his throne
    He had twisted my invention, he had made it his own
    His army swept across the lands like locus
    In weeks his forces were across the oceans
    HE'S HERE! NOW!! HE'S COMING FOR ME!
    NO! NO! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!! SOMEBODY HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!

    -voice- "Calm Down! There is no one else here"
    -voice- "Breath Abasi Breath! I understand your fear"
    -voice- "But I need to know more about your device"
    -voice- "Abasi! Abasi!! PLEASE, OPEN UP YOUR EYES"

    {voice talking to itself}
    -voice- "Dammit! he's now gone, eyes blank and vacant"
    -voice- "though he failed to tale me what I'm truly facin"
    -voice- "this invention of his how powerful could it be"
    -voice- "an what effects did it have on Fancy C"
    -voice- "how could a simple mic, give a man such power"
    -voice- "an where was this mic now, hidden inside of his tower *?* "
    -voice- "I have no time for this, I have to find spike & remix"
    -voice- "with their help Abasi's mistake can probably be fixed"
    -voice- "though before I go, I will bring an end to his pain"
    -voice- "sleep forever Abasi! You need not ever hurt again"*BANG*


    Part 2 of the rebelion will be out soon.
    PEACE.

  2. #2
    Rock you in the Face Sir Skiddz SoPhrenic's Avatar
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    It was pretty good. Fuck structure you had some nice lines set up all over the place. Shit was pretty good . You lost focus in alot of places, but that all gets fixed with elevation
    Hence Forward.. BURR!
    [YOUTUBE]seYxVBIsycE[/YOUTUBE]
    Just watch My Back, I got the front.

  3. #3
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Spike Sanders's Avatar
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    thx for the feedback pops. its apprechated.

  4. #4
    ..Truth.. rule's Avatar
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    you really went showed your potential here man...probably your best drop yet...you had some really creative lines...a lot of positive things to say...your chorus was good, your structure fell off but you really made up for it in your wordplay very well done...keep it up peace mayn your doin good
    Soft Focus
    ..Returns..

  5. #5
    NONCENTZ AKA WORD~PERFECT noncentz's Avatar
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    i agree you lost focus but pulled it back togeather each time in enough time not to damage your verse any so in the long run a great flow was the product.
    to love something,is to die for it ,if you do, your a martyr , but these days music is morbid, false carters ..prohet's for prophet no lie, look how our last martyr was crucified. to put it in it symplicity, you aint true...you wouldnt sacrifice a few dollars for authenticity..

  6. #6
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    Yeah i agree this was a pretty good piece here....enjoyed the read....structure was alright, could have used some work...but like said before me other things you did made up for it....chorus in this was alright i thought...Liked the wordplay...overall good piece...keep at it.

  7. #7
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    yea i agree with Masta.....Good read Structure was gooc could work on that though.....Ya Did well in the Chorus....Flow was excellent.....WordPlay was well done....Good read For me and I Liked it I will be Looking for more of ya stuff peace...

  8. #8
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Spike Sanders's Avatar
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    UPPIN^^^^

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