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Thread: 3 Audio RB Legends .. Lets Try For A Text, Perhaps?

  1. #1
    above the clouds.
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    3 Audio RB Legends .. Lets Try For A Text, Perhaps?

    Well, to be honest. I've had this on the back burner for quite sometime now. This is going to be on my album. (Yes I do actually record!) And I needed some opinions on this. Drop your links, I will reply. Give me a bullshit "this was dope peep mine" reply and I wont even bother. Show me what was good, what wasn't, Etc. Etc.

    Thank you in advance.

    A bit lengthy, but well worth the read.

    "Every Morning" - Salvation

    Verse 1:
    The worst shit always deems to happen, it needs to pass and
    I seem ecstatic, but inside I hide the pain, where dreams is flattened
    Will never breathe with ease, never see it, I need it please I'm askin'
    Beaten, battered, seen as tragic, while my knee's collapsin'
    But I relate to music, And I hate to spew it
    But honestly, the pain is ruthless, aint nobody cater to it
    No great influence, Livin' day to day and send the pain and away and
    Fate is waitin', for the person to put the shades of grey in
    I'm sick of given in, aint no point in livin' sense
    I'm never stitchin' ends together, they merely break and bend from pressure
    See it's bad it wreaks with havoc, and I seek the answers
    But my life'll seem to collapse if even the wrong seed is planted
    Plus the greif'll never vanish, why's this happen to me
    Stuck in the passanger's seat, right at the back of the fleet
    I'll keep on movin' eventhough these tears are steady pourin'
    Two heavy boulders placed upon me when I wake up every mornin'

    Hook:
    Every Morning I Wake Up, Just Trying To Breathe
    Thinking About The Night Before How I Was Crying To Sleep
    All I Can Do Is Whipe My Eyes And Give A Sigh Of Relief
    Hoping Tonight Would Be The Night That I Would Die In My Sleep
    Every Morning I Wake Up, Just Trying To Breathe
    Thinking About The Night Before How I Was Crying To Sleep
    All I Can Do Is Whipe My Eyes And Give A Sigh Of Relief
    Hoping Tonight Would Be The Night That I Would Die In My Sleep

    Verse 2:
    I realize I need to focus but see emotions seem to flow in
    Which is leavin' frozen chills down my spine, It seems as hopeless
    I need to cope with pain and all, I played the game and lost
    Strayin' off the trail, it simply crashed my train of thought
    All my days have gone, death is anxious, I'll rest in graves and
    My breath vacatin' from my soul, it always seems my neck is breakin'
    So who's the next to play it, I'm sittin' watchin', a sick concoction
    Life's a bitch and hardens, sometimes you gotta kick the rocks and
    Leave it behind, want my piece of the pie
    I need it, fiendin', knees is weak and got no peace of my mind
    I keep it confined, emotions stopped and locked in bottles
    I drown in sorrow, wish I'd be forgot tomorrow
    But all is swallowed, I don't got no cool to lose it
    I'ma foolish, stupid, nuisance, have already truly proved it
    My thoughts'll move elusive, I always trap 'em inside
    Can't put your finger on it? They linger at the back of my mind

    Hook:
    Every Morning I Wake Up, Just Trying To Breathe
    Thinking About The Night Before How I Was Crying To Sleep
    All I Can Do Is Whipe My Eyes And Give A Sigh Of Relief
    Hoping Tonight Would Be The Night That I Would Die In My Sleep
    Every Morning I Wake Up, Just Trying To Breathe
    Thinking About The Night Before How I Was Crying To Sleep
    All I Can Do Is Whipe My Eyes And Give A Sigh Of Relief
    Hoping Tonight Would Be The Night That I Would Die In My Sleep

    Verse 3:
    I know I gotta survive, but all these problems arise
    And it's a vivid vicious image of the hardest of times
    I try to swallow the pride, but I choke and spit it up
    I know this shit is tough, but I hope it's liftin' up
    So I go to kickin' dust, and keep my chin in the air
    Then let it fall, I'm whisked away within the thinnest of air
    I'm sickened and scared, the world we know is twisted today
    I wanna pack my bags and go away and live in a cave
    The kid's a disgrace, you're wishin' you could spit in his face
    You miss the message, shit is hectic, I'll stay missin' for days
    A different insane, the pain is thick and picks at the brain
    Picturin' ways to paint a picture on my wrist with a blade
    I'm slittin' the razor across, and it's bleedin' my life
    Bleedin' the times, I remember, that would eat me alive
    Bleedin' all signs of life out, but why's it me
    I really tried though, eyes close, time to sleep

    Hook:
    Every Morning I Wake Up, Just Trying To Breathe
    Thinking About The Night Before How I Was Crying To Sleep
    All I Can Do Is Whipe My Eyes And Give A Sigh Of Relief
    Hoping Tonight Would Be The Night That I Would Die In My Sleep
    Every Morning I Wake Up, Just Trying To Breathe
    Thinking About The Night Before How I Was Crying To Sleep
    All I Can Do Is Whipe My Eyes And Give A Sigh Of Relief
    Hoping Tonight Would Be The Night That I Would Die In My Sleep
    I write with my depression, and every single dream
    That I've ever had, but sadly, that were never given wings


    GRINDHOUSE

  2. #2
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    You need to leave 3 links or 3 names of people you left feedback in or this will get deleted...

    But i thought this was pretty good thought...i liked the chorus, it flowed pretty well, as did the whole piece, the flow was pretty much on point through it i thought, well done...vocab was good in this also....You had good multies in here, i liked that....long read but it was worth it...overall good piece here...keep at it.

  3. #3
    above the clouds.
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    my bad. this is the first time i've ever dropped text in probably 2 years.

    i'll reply to some other shit.

    be easy.

    pz..1
    I write with my depression, and every single dream
    That I've ever had, but sadly, that were never given wings


    GRINDHOUSE

  4. #4
    Pot 'Ed pot1ent's Avatar
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    Dope.. I was really feeling the content.. I had beats playing while listening to this.. Flowed very nicely.. Up.. I think this was legendry worthy.. Well, yeah, It made me think and smile at the flow. Pz bud
    Pot` Ed.

    I dropped to show RM what hot was;
    And this faggot got Butterflies in his stomach the size of Mothra

    Your text is just another weak display
    One fist to your eye'll make it go through that black album remix phase. - Saviour Arraign

    <center>The Faculty</center>

  5. #5
    beyond dope.
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    And now the nut sux starts ..lol^^^

    But even if u the queen of england, u need to follow rules = )

    Nice collab tho = )

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  6. #6
    above the clouds.
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    ^this wasnt a collab, lol.

    that was all me.

    pz..1
    I write with my depression, and every single dream
    That I've ever had, but sadly, that were never given wings


    GRINDHOUSE

  7. #7
    above the clouds.
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    I write with my depression, and every single dream
    That I've ever had, but sadly, that were never given wings


    GRINDHOUSE

  8. #8
    BRB, Jumping Ship Baron Mynd's Avatar
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    Awards 1-2 Punch HW Champion Legendary Member Legendary OM OM HOF SS HW Champion LLL Champion - Award Request Accepted
    Wordness .. flow was very bouncy .. audioesque as i read it .. contenet was nice .. prolly sounds 85794675936 times better to a beat, nice internals, multi's etc .. a good piece sal

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...threadid=97233

    WORD P e r f e c t !


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  9. #9
    beyond dope.
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  10. #10
    above the clouds.
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    Helium.
    I write with my depression, and every single dream
    That I've ever had, but sadly, that were never given wings


    GRINDHOUSE

  11. #11
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    This was a great piece duke. . from top to bottom. .

    Flow was flawless, had me saying it out loud the whole time, and it never faltered. . The multis made this piece real dope. . Wordplay was nice, too. . wow, the content was just, wow.

    my favorite lines..

    A different insane, the pain is thick and picks at the brain
    Picturin' ways to paint a picture on my wrist with a blade

    Damn duke.. can't wait to hear this in audio.

    -Insert Skeez Comment Here-

  12. #12
    Banned SPEC-tacular's Avatar
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    good shit i liked that i thought it was tight flow was good and wordplay and multis were good not really any punches structure was ok overall 6.7/10

  13. #13
    above the clouds.
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    -dies-

    6.7/10

    and you probably rate a 10 bar battle verse as a 9 or 9.5

    I Quit RB.

    I'm going back to a real board.
    I write with my depression, and every single dream
    That I've ever had, but sadly, that were never given wings


    GRINDHOUSE

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