(no title)

[vanes]

i dont know how 2produce links, but here are tha names:
Speek.E.Z
80SHOTS
EVOLVE


i seen nobody like you,
you give me the attention i need//
you dont give everyday bull shit
u say shit that i would love to see,

that too soft init, yo




there no body like u most men i meet are cats//
trying so hard to stay on track but there flow is wack//
nufin rhymes g and there similies be twisted//
when i write my rhymes, my rhymes mean shit//
born into agony i know the definition of pain//
when u aint got food, an every day stays the same//
wishing that some1 loved you even if they was a killer//
coz at the end of the day, they would still fuckin treasure ya//
but i personally dont think anyfins fonna change//
multiple gunshots fired, and the police are on da rampage//
there no known cure for this life i leed, just a lil girl//
my brotha taught me to love every1 in this world//
see what would you do if yo palms were cracked and itchy//
you didn't have no money and every1 called u ugly//
couldn't feed yourself, man your so hungry//
only a baby when you lost, yo sister an yo mummy//
shit, its hard to survive these falling rocks//
every rock that hits me, hurts like a gun shot//
when it rains, i feel the worlds pain//
ready to write more lyrics, ima ready to start again//

oooh

[Ace Of Spades]

nice job. a little basic but it had meaning and so thats wut makes it a good
piece. the rhyming was nice. could've been improved tho. add sum
complexity to make it a better read. but overall i like it. keep up the
good work. keep it real~
peace

[Endeva.]

yeah i see potential here, up ya scheme, throw in some nice metas n multis into the equasion......seemed like you thought about what you was writing...yeah not bad... jus keep elevating...pZ.....

[menolin]

aiight
you need some more complexity, a lil more vocab, and to put more emotion into your pieces.

but you have potential, nice flow (when i read out aloud) and some nice multies and shit.

just need to work on your wordplay, and emotion

aiight

peace

[Mistral]

You need to leave 3 links or 3 names of people you left feedback to or this will get deleted...

but this was alright i thought...Flow in this was alright, stayed on pretty much through out it....you had some alright multies, should try to add some more in this to help the flow...your structure was pretty good overall....but i thought this was alright...keep at it.

[Maven.]

reply to three open mics, and post links to your replies in this thread or it gets deleted.
thanks.

[Ron B. Vicious]

basic. Cats wack elementary shit

[Mighty 1]

i though it was aight i felt some of it .. do yah thing

[southsideloco]

yo... it was basic but good cuz it had some meanin like ace o spades said

all u need to do is elevate a lil more cuz u got sum potential so keep elevatin n u be good 2 go

[LA_4LYFE]

yo da shit wuz aight but sorta sick at da same time
keep doin ya thang an learnin from da rap game
check my shit out


http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...threadid=97601