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Thread: read this freestyle tell me what you think

  1. #1
    Newbie
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Location
    Chicago
    Posts
    13

    read this freestyle tell me what you think

    this can also be found on eminem.net under sn Krine_Sixty-Nine
    ===================

    Your lyrics lack the eloquence of musical ability
    this is a fucking rap battle and theres no hostility
    If i wasnt up in your mom i might have some sympathy
    but since i am i know you are a low down drug addict
    you and your sucky lyrical comprehension makes me sick
    If god gave me a towel id strangle you with it
    when the cops roll up, guns outs, ill say its my business
    your like a die-hard wigger slave, always owned
    your so stupid its as if your 24-7 stoned
    your a wannabe perfectionist up in mandy moores fan club
    i swear the last time you got next to her you tried to get a hug
    but not even she could stand you she shoved you down
    nobody can stand you, here's my knife, get outta town

    ===============

    tell me what you think ...it couldve been a sorta battle but i rote it ... only took like 5 minites and at the end when i say get outta town i mean for him to slit his wrist what can i do to make things like this betta?

  2. #2
    -->FreeBasE<--
    Guest
    the structure needs a lil work

    it was good in the beginning but the words stopped makin sense

    fix the rhyme scheme. keep the vocab

    keep postin............................................ ......

  3. #3
    Newbie J-yo-B's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    South of Boston
    Age
    43
    Posts
    15
    Mediocre spit.. u got potential tho...

    Work on ya structure like Free said...

    Vocab was good and wordplay was str8...

    Just create Ryhme schemes and keep elevating...

    on3...

  4. #4
    Banned SPEC-tacular's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    NY ,StronG IslanD, B-WOOD
    Posts
    99
    Battle Record
    0-1
    u should legthen your raps make em more official it was ight your wordplay is basic and so is the vocab flow was ok punchlines mmm ok and multis were good overall 6/10

  5. #5
    Banned
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    Aug 2003
    Location
    Mifflinburg, PA
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    You need to leave 3 links or 3 names of people you left feedback to or this will get deleted..

    but this was alright i thought...structure was ok, could use a little work i think....your flow in this was alright, it got off a few times but it was still good i thought...vocab in this was pretty good as well...overall this was alright...keep at it.

  6. #6
    Newbie
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Location
    Chicago
    Posts
    13
    "I'm withdrawn from crack so bad my blood itches
    I don't rap to get the women - fuck bitches
    Give me a fat slut that cooks and does dishes" - Eminem

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