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Thread: The Past The Present The Future

  1. December 8th, 2003, 06:51 PM #1
    rule
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    The Past The Present The Future

    Replied to: Camarac, Word~Perfect, and LM

    The Past Thoughts
    My past as beuatiful as the night sky when uncloudy
    Revolved around T.M my goddes love was heavonly
    Her smile filled with power such a remarkable tone
    The sparkle of her eye or her voice on the phone
    Girl's my life the reason I was happily & pleasured
    Love I'd die for no restrictions to sacrifice measured
    Had nick names giggled at the dummest games
    Desired relationship of pyros cuz love was flames
    Burning hate into the atmosphere destroying evil
    Cupid struck us with an arrow..we are lucky people
    The amount of time i'd give you isn't a question..
    The price of contribute to god for my blessing
    We have it all, we look out and love eachother..
    Thunder and rain are emotions of nasty weather
    But we'll get crusified on'a cross side my side
    Before a storm stops the view for us to ride
    Me and you bond into a life long marrage..
    Love like this..is like finding a million carrats..

    The Present Thoughts
    God why did you give me an angel to give my heart
    When my destiny was for him to make us depart
    I'm strugglin now my so called best friend is haties
    Stealin my precious friend an now i'm going crazy
    I'm talking good thoughts about us wit some friends
    They're flippin the stories like the devil an my sins
    I lay in bed and wish for my bride tobe to return
    Create fire with me don't let me jump in an burn
    Want to make us right make the puzzle fit sooner
    Instead of arguing over some rediculous rumour
    I told you I loved you about two weeks into us
    I meant it sweetie your the only person I fully trust
    Sweetie I love you this is me speaking from within
    Trying to paralize the end establish us to begin

    The Future Thoughts
    Remember graduation how we acted so romantic
    Love letters an my soccer games got you in'a panic
    Ya wanted me to win and new when I was frustrated
    Hung out all the time on our free will never obligated
    As the story goes I said you was a bitch supposibly
    But I didn't say anything...that would be cowardly
    I respect the harsh statements put onto my locker
    Didn't respond back in anger I tryed to talk to her
    Tell her apoligies but all I get was a heart of hate
    I did some wrong but loven you wasn't a mistake
    If I could be your friend now I would be grateful
    I'll just stay in the corner or under the table
    For you have no time for me now i'm a dick
    I wish we was still together an our futures clicked
    If I could tell you how I trully feel Belive me I would
    Hopefully this you hear so I can fully be understood
    To tell you your still my life and I want you sweetie
    Hold you tight love you proper an you complete me
    Lets assemble the million broken little glass pecies
    Your my life my complete physical and emotioal thesis


    this was a sketchy peice, but it is just something that happened a long time ago that i finally tryed t write about...responces would be apreciated
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  2. December 8th, 2003, 09:13 PM #2
    Mistral
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    This was pretty good i thought...your structure was good in this, i liked that....it was a easy read....flow in this was pretty good i thought, stayed on point...i thought this kinda lacked multies, could have used some more of those in this i thought, but it was a big thing...but this was a good read, overall a good piece i thought...keep at it.
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  3. December 8th, 2003, 09:21 PM #3
    Gene Pool
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    I agree this was a nice piece, really good flow throughout the whole thing good structre and stayed on point, some good wordplay used in this and your rhyme scheme worked really well. keep at it bro, peace.

    if u got the time peep my open mic "slower days" I know it's long but if u could read through it and leave some honest feedback it would be muchly appreciated. thanx in advance. peace.
    <center><table style=filter:GLOW(color=red)>Atmosphere - inspirations of following in the footsteps of story tellin rhymes</table></center>

    <center>Corrupted Visions</center>

    <center><table style=filter:GLOW(color=black)>Giving Sight A Third Eye</table></center>

    Act One:

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    color="blue"><table style=filter:GLOW(color=white)>
    Polished and refined to bring a new groove to crews/
    gestures meaning lesser to negotiations between me and you/
    so what’s this heartache all of a sudden edge’in to your seat/
    fuck it, cement shoes and 200 feet oughta be pretty sweet/</table>

    Words of Wisdom:

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    color="blue"><table style=filter:GLOW(color=white)>it's perplexity set in a realism of our world/
    it's textual content, stepping stones on broken pearls/
    if wisdom is a need be vent for visualizing truth/
    then let be proof, demise the break between adults and youth/</table>
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  4. December 8th, 2003, 09:34 PM #4
    rule
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    yah no problem I will...but yo what is a multi...like could somebody give me an example so i can try and use them..i'm still kinda off on what it is

    thanks for the feed though thats apreciated
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  5. December 9th, 2003, 07:13 AM #5
    rule
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  6. December 9th, 2003, 08:16 AM #6
    the_insane_clown
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    Yeah man I liked it alright to yo ........ I dont really think theres much fo you to work on...........keep it up fo real
    "The Legion" takes no prisoners!!!

    my homepage is http://www.geocities.com/iluvblondes22/night_vision.html
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  7. December 9th, 2003, 03:50 PM #7
    rule
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    up
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  8. December 9th, 2003, 06:27 PM #8
    LA_4LYFE
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    I really liked how u took me on sort of like a time trip
    wit da Past,Present,&Future verses i thought they were sick
    it wuz original and creative
    keep it goin pimp
    Its all on me
    LA
    $4$-Life
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  9. December 10th, 2003, 07:33 AM #9
    west
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    good concept here,flowed well throughout,some good wordplay used,multi's aren't a neccesity in a verse jus depends on tha peice and ur style dawg.Peice had me thinkin,solid structure,ryhmed throughout,descent vocab,Good drop.

    Peace

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  10. December 10th, 2003, 03:56 PM #10
    rule
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    thanks man, thats apreciated uppen
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  11. December 10th, 2003, 09:23 PM #11
    rule
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    uppen...dont sleep
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  12. December 10th, 2003, 10:30 PM #12
    Spike Sanders
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    yo i liked this piece rule, you had a good flow and vocb on it, 8.5/10.
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  13. December 10th, 2003, 11:31 PM #13
    SPEC-tacular
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    dropped a good piece vocab and flow was good punches and multis was ok wordplay ight structure good over all 7.3/10
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  14. December 11th, 2003, 07:17 AM #14
    rule
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    its a love song...there is no punches...but thanks
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  15. December 11th, 2003, 09:58 AM #15
    vanes
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    rule baby

    yeah homie, ima feelin dis mayne, dont worry about tha feedback coz u got talent bro, it was a love thang so it dodn't need much but you put in enough, so thats good, if u didnt unastand wat i sed dont worry, ima high wright now, 9/10
    el nigger no desea hacer, después no coge con mí que esta perra pudo ser pequeña y caliente, pero si usted me empuja yo no es listo enviar tiros
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