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Thread: Corrupted Visions: I Give Up

  1. December 8th, 2003, 07:19 PM #1
    Mistral
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    Corrupted Visions: I Give Up

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...threadid=97220
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...threadid=97284
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...threadid=97280



    I sometimes sit and think to myself why I still try…
    Giving up crosses my mind so many times but will I?..
    Probably cause all this hope its starting to diminish…
    Cause I started things I now know I’ll never finish…
    There is so many things that just cross my mind….
    Like a Rock entering a Pond I just wanna toss my life..
    Cause I lost the fight cause every things turning gray..
    I Yearn n pray that things get better but I just burn today..
    No need to turn to fate cause theres no point to anything..
    Just pain and lies…..cause that’s all that many bring…

    I try and I try, so I Give Up..
    I cry and I cry, so I Give Up..
    I lie and I lie, so I Give Up..
    I try and I try, so I Give Up..

    I wanted things that I just could never reach for…
    Always got put down wishing we could be more..
    As I’m falling with nothing to hold on to now…
    Cause so many things just unfold makes you shout…
    Getting played left in a daze for my final days…
    And this way is just not ok cause it’s a everlasting faze..
    Of life or death, I fight for breath but my lungs are empty..
    I’m starting not to be friendly someone please mend me..
    But it’ll never happen cause I’m crashen and hitting hard..
    I gave you my heart but you gave it back ripped apart..

    I try and I try, so I Give Up..
    I cry and I cry, so I Give Up..
    I lie and I lie, so I Give Up..
    I try and I try, so I Give Up..

    Giving up is the only option I have left to pick from..
    Cause every thing is putting me in a depressing syndrome..
    I been done, I just never realized it till right now…
    The mics down…i have every reason to put the fight out..
    My life is hell I have the right to fail cause theres no point…
    You can start hoping but.….now I just wont go join…
    Cause every thing I ever had is just slippen away…
    And I cant grasp it back so I keep things hidden away…
    People always say that im the guy that is so perfect…
    But im a living failure, easily seen, this life isnt worth it…

    I try and I try, so I Give Up..
    I cry and I cry, so I Give Up..
    I lie and I lie, so I Give Up..
    I try and I try, so I Give Up..
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  2. December 8th, 2003, 09:06 PM #2
    Gene Pool
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    aigh't nice piece man. easy read, structers down, flows intact, multi's are on point topics a lil played but u worked pretty well with it I thought that your hook coulda been a bit better but it was ok went with the feel of what u were getting across. one more thing their wasn't a whole lot of complexity here but the basic rhyme scheme made for an easy read, keep droppin bro.

    and hey I would leave a well structred feedback for ya masta but I'm juss really not in the mood for it havin a really really bad day. next time for sure though bro and leave me some feedback on my slower days open mic. peace bro.
    <center><table style=filter:GLOW(color=red)>Atmosphere - inspirations of following in the footsteps of story tellin rhymes</table></center>

    <center>Corrupted Visions</center>

    <center><table style=filter:GLOW(color=black)>Giving Sight A Third Eye</table></center>

    Act One:

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    color="blue"><table style=filter:GLOW(color=white)>
    Polished and refined to bring a new groove to crews/
    gestures meaning lesser to negotiations between me and you/
    so what’s this heartache all of a sudden edge’in to your seat/
    fuck it, cement shoes and 200 feet oughta be pretty sweet/</table>

    Words of Wisdom:

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    color="blue"><table style=filter:GLOW(color=white)>it's perplexity set in a realism of our world/
    it's textual content, stepping stones on broken pearls/
    if wisdom is a need be vent for visualizing truth/
    then let be proof, demise the break between adults and youth/</table>
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  3. December 8th, 2003, 09:38 PM #3
    -uski-
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    Yo Masta this was a good piece.......i enjoyed tha Flow it keep hitting in every Verse And Was constant..........The Structure stayed On For Most of It...There Are Multis that good..the Hook Wasn't the greatest ANd ya Use that Chorus Well In the End...Not much To complain about.....But allround A Good Piece Man It had some tight Bits in it......9/10 Aiight Kuz Peace (v)

    -{/]~{Ú§kÍ}~[\}-
    Last edited by -uski-; December 8th, 2003 at 10:05 PM
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  4. December 8th, 2003, 09:40 PM #4
    Topic
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    nice peice, needs more of a story line to it tho, makes for more of a better read, had good vocab tho as well as good word play, hook couled be more complex but its a simple peice, i posted mine today sorry bout the delay
    Scytsophrenia
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  5. December 8th, 2003, 11:02 PM #5
    Emerge
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    EMOTION EMOTION EMOTION!!!!!!!!!!!

    nice drop...vocab down packed...meta nice...wordplay decent...flow straight as fezzie...good shit...almost long but it was cool...hook needed more emphasis like an exclamation point to show screaming or something...all in all very nice

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    New Writejist Song - Tito Ortiz

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  6. December 8th, 2003, 11:20 PM #6
    SPEC-tacular
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    i thought it was hot ,flow was hot wordplay was there had a couple of multi's,
    overall 7/10
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  7. December 9th, 2003, 04:16 AM #7
    Mistral
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    Hey Thanks For The Feedback So Far, Keep The Feedback Coming In, Its Much Appreciated, Thanks.
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  8. December 9th, 2003, 05:11 AM #8
    Kwizikal P
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    deep.......wordpplay and imagery was great......8.5/10
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  9. December 9th, 2003, 05:42 AM #9
    V.I.P.
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    YO, LIKIN THIS READ MAN. I KNOW HOW YA FEELIN. WE JUST GOTTA KEEP OUR HEADS UP THO. SUM REAL NICE MULTI'S AND A TIGHT FLOW. GOOD WORK.

    PEACE OUT.

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    "WELCOME TO THE CITY MANCHESTER, GUNCHESTER
    WHERE MAN BE YAMMIN EACHOTER UP LIKE HANNIBAL LECTURE"

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  10. December 9th, 2003, 08:26 AM #10
    the_insane_clown
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    It was ok
    "The Legion" takes no prisoners!!!

    my homepage is http://www.geocities.com/iluvblondes22/night_vision.html
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  11. December 9th, 2003, 04:13 PM #11
    Mistral
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    Hey Thanks For The Feedback So Far, Keep The Feedback Coming In, Its Much Appreciated, Thanks.
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  12. December 9th, 2003, 05:34 PM #12
    Magnificent T
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    ohh...man that was sick...i felt you and what u was sayin' all the way and all i gotta say is don't give up, and keep this sh*t up
    I'm the diamond in the dirt, that ain't been found
    I'm the underground king and I ain't been crowned


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  13. December 9th, 2003, 05:41 PM #13
    southsideloco
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    yo homie that was sum hot shit u had evrything good except for de hook but u can work on that

    multi's-good
    vocab-tight
    structure-easy read, so it was excellent
    flow-fell down a lil but it was still on fire

    overall- keep it comin homie, dat was sum hot shit, nice emotions piece

    please return the favor
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...threadid=97593

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  14. December 9th, 2003, 06:21 PM #14
    Andrew..
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    Nice peice Masta was on topic the whole time I would give it a 8.5/10
    peace.
    Back.
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  15. December 9th, 2003, 06:24 PM #15
    Emcee Murderer
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    Good shit here.
    Flow was on point.
    Wordplay was on point.
    Multi usage was not used but it wasn't needed.
    Imagery given here.
    I felt this to tha max.
    9/10.
    Keep em coming.
    Return tha favor.
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