Hey there!

It looks like you're enjoying Rap Battles Forum but haven't created an account yet. Why not take a minute to register for your own free account now? As a member you get free access to all of our forums and posts plus the ability to post your own messages, communicate directly with other members and much more. Register now!

Already a member? Login at the top of this page to stop seeing this message.

User Tag List

Showing results 1 to 7 of 7

Thread: [Naomi.]

  1. December 7th, 2003, 04:21 PM #1
    pot1ent
    pot1ent is offline
    Pot 'Ed pot1ent's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Location
    England
    Posts
    1,016
    Battle Record
    16-25

    [Naomi.]

    Heres a story.. Sit down people..

    Naomi wasn't the type
    To be lonely on a Night
    Where guys Sprawled the Streets
    Weak kneed and Crawled to Teeth
    Like they Brawled to Beat
    She Hauled to Meet
    The men that would get in The Sack
    She didn't even care if they Were Fat
    As soon as they Heard That
    From Naomi Speaking her Mind
    Guys asked'Can We' She replied
    'I don't mind you Leaking in Mine'
    Then they were.. Seeking to Find
    A place they could be
    Seeing Defined body
    Then after a short time
    They fought signs along the Lobby
    The guests started getting Gobby
    Saying 'You two get a room'
    Naomi Replied
    'I don't give a fuck what we do'
    She'd got it Back to Front
    After he. . Asked her to Lunch
    'But its not even midnight
    and We've only did it once'
    He aksed 'What about a Brunch'
    'Come on you Cunt. . Lets Fuck'
    So they went in the Room to Play
    He Prayed. that her Womb Layed
    With a New Day
    After he fell asleep.. She felt bleak
    So she got up and left to the next
    He could Protect.. her but her step
    Out of that door assured no more
    His love for her..
    Yet it was a One Night Stand
    It drags-on and she was gone
    So there Stands One Knight
    Pot` Ed.

    I dropped to show RM what hot was;
    And this faggot got Butterflies in his stomach the size of Mothra

    Your text is just another weak display
    One fist to your eye'll make it go through that black album remix phase. - Saviour Arraign

    <center>The Faculty</center>
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  2. December 7th, 2003, 04:33 PM #2
    -->FreeBasE<--
    Guest
    uhhh...

    it wouldv'e been tight if the rhyming didn't seem to be forced

    good point of view on the topic

    overall it needs a lil work and better vocab

    keep postin tho............................
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  3. December 7th, 2003, 04:33 PM #3
    pot1ent
    pot1ent is offline
    Pot 'Ed pot1ent's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Location
    England
    Posts
    1,016
    Battle Record
    16-25
    Links

    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...848#post968848

    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...862#post968862

    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...879#post968879
    Pot` Ed.

    I dropped to show RM what hot was;
    And this faggot got Butterflies in his stomach the size of Mothra

    Your text is just another weak display
    One fist to your eye'll make it go through that black album remix phase. - Saviour Arraign

    <center>The Faculty</center>
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  4. December 8th, 2003, 04:44 AM #4
    Prince Adem
    Prince Adem is offline
    ... Prince Adem's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Location
    Sydney
    Posts
    6,904
    Battle Record
    16-3
    you need some vocab improvements, and try to have some better imagery... also your lines were a bit too short... however, stories are harder to do than normal stuff, and u did use multies so i'll give you

    7.5/10...

    it was pretty good, keep writing
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  5. December 8th, 2003, 04:50 AM #5
    80SHOTS
    Guest

    ...

    i would say you need to work on yo wordplay for real dogg, an dont rhyme toooooo much, just let it flow, but apart from that it was aaaiht
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  6. December 8th, 2003, 05:12 AM #6
    Kastaway
    Kastaway is offline
    ILL VILLE King Kastaway's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2002
    Location
    Dis, Perdition (JAX,FL-Duval-904) Battleboards
    Age
    41
    Posts
    116
    word Id work on some more multies and some vocab, wasnt that bad of a piece, but its not the type I really dig... needs to be more energetic and flow with ease...
    Kastaway - Controller of The Dark Realm

    History has a bad habit of repeating itself. Learn from the events that took place Within the Gathering of Shadows.....
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  7. December 8th, 2003, 09:29 AM #7
    Dropz
    Guest
    improve ya vocab yo go check this out http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...threadid=97225

    Try to put more effort in ur reply's
    -Edicius
    Last edited by Edicius; December 8th, 2003 at 09:43 AM
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
« Previous Thread | Next Thread »

Similar Threads

  1. I really need to fuck Naomi Russell
    By Chris Black in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 27
    Last Post: March 17th, 2008, 05:05 PM

Posting Rules

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

Forum Rules