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Thread: My Voice Within...

  1. December 7th, 2003, 02:42 AM #1
    Ace Of Spades
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    My Voice Within...

    check it...

    The taste of tears colored crimson, it’s an everlasting story//
    Memories triggered from lashes, the scenes flash before me//
    The threads of truth have been torn, the music violently faded//
    The smiles and laughter now unworn the lies are silently stated//
    Hidden behind the tied confinements, the yelling transcends//
    Induced abuse inside the times spent, the fighting can’t end//
    Tragic glances romanced, their heard words were unspoken//
    Static chances won’t last, each crafted promise went broken//
    I’m just a child growing up, yet each second spent is a threat//
    The mind of mine rewinds the times to pray one day I forget//

    hope you can understand it...
    here's a hint: domestic violence...

    something to think about...

    peACE
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  2. December 7th, 2003, 03:45 AM #2
    Ace Of Spades
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    threads i replied too:
    "why do we exist..."
    "the real prophecy"
    "anotha keystyle..."

    aight then...
    feedback plz
    ...anotha piece from the heart...

    peace
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  3. December 7th, 2003, 04:08 AM #3
    Mistral
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    This was pretty good i thought here....it was worth the read....this was a deep piece i thought, i was feeling this, it made me think....your structure was good in this, i liked that....flow was good i thought, stayed on through out it...your vocab in this was pretty good as well i liked it....Another thing i liked was your multies...overall this was a good piece...keep at it.
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  4. December 7th, 2003, 09:11 AM #4
    pot1ent
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    I found this extremely basic.. The concept had been done before.. You didn't bring nothing new to it.. It lacked all interesting and explosive lines.. Your rhyme scheme was okay.. with one or two multis.. no hate.. Pz
    Pot` Ed.

    I dropped to show RM what hot was;
    And this faggot got Butterflies in his stomach the size of Mothra

    Your text is just another weak display
    One fist to your eye'll make it go through that black album remix phase. - Saviour Arraign

    <center>The Faculty</center>
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  5. December 7th, 2003, 02:19 PM #5
    Double D 27
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    I liked this piece. Liked the vocab and flow. I could feel yhis peace alot. The only thing i didn't like was that it was short. Other than that good job. Keep spittin'.
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  6. December 7th, 2003, 04:46 PM #6
    -->FreeBasE<--
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    this wasn't a basic peice at all

    maybe if you just skimmed it u wouldn't catch the hidden meaning

    i actually read it 2wice.

    good flow and good vocab.

    u approached this topic good.

    ill look for more posts by u man, keep it up
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  7. December 7th, 2003, 04:56 PM #7
    the_insane_clown
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    yea I was feeling this .

    good structure and worded good. keep it up .
    "The Legion" takes no prisoners!!!

    my homepage is http://www.geocities.com/iluvblondes22/night_vision.html
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  8. December 7th, 2003, 06:04 PM #8
    MD_killa20
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    yo dunny... this was a coo peice... ya flow is structure is tight... good flow an everythang.. this is was nice to read.... i was feelin it the whole way thru... keep postin... on3
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  9. December 7th, 2003, 07:22 PM #9
    Ace Of Spades
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    thanx for the feedback peepz...much appreciation...
    even if it was short...it was tought to write...took about
    half an hour.........alright then....
    peACE
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  10. December 7th, 2003, 07:33 PM #10
    LoCo
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    dope i likd it alot....
    im happy to see this kind of writing, even tho i dont do it, its tight
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  11. December 7th, 2003, 07:35 PM #11
    MethodZ
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    i liked this piece..stayed on point..had creativity..nice structure apart from the // which gets annoying...overall it was good i hope to see moer from you..

    Pz..
    <center>REPRESENTING OZ HIP HOP</center>
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  12. December 7th, 2003, 08:42 PM #12
    Ace Of Spades
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    thanks for the feedback, much appreciation. this piece is one of my unique ones. but I felt I had to get it off my mind. seeing as how I grew up with it. it’s the first time I actually put it onto paper…
    peace
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  13. December 8th, 2003, 04:39 AM #13
    Prince Adem
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    short but sweet....

    this was almost perfect... it flowed well, vocab was awesome, you used multis and internals (which is a big thumbs up from me, I dont like much stuff that doesnt have multis) and the emotion was great... nice imagery and wordplay

    dope lines:

    The taste of tears colored crimson, it’s an everlasting story//
    Memories triggered from lashes, the scenes flash before me//

    I’m just a child growing up, yet each second spent is a threat//
    The mind of mine rewinds the times to pray one day I forget//

    The threads of truth have been torn, the music violently faded//
    The smiles and laughter now unworn the lies are silently stated//

    what else was cool is how u held back the true meaning, and let us interpret it in our own way.. u remind me of aesop rock

    dope <thumbs up>

    9.75/10

    :P
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  14. December 8th, 2003, 05:10 AM #14
    Kastaway
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    word pretty niice piece... painted some imagery for me...
    "Tragic glances romanced, their heard words were unspoken//
    Static chances won’t last, each crafted promise went broken//"
    again niice piece pretty niice flow to it... keep posting...
    Kastaway - Controller of The Dark Realm

    History has a bad habit of repeating itself. Learn from the events that took place Within the Gathering of Shadows.....
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  15. December 8th, 2003, 08:48 AM #15
    Dropz
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    that was tight yo man my town we have alot a domest violence shit so i feel u
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