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Thread: Chaos of Conflicting Thoughts

  1. December 4th, 2003, 02:27 AM #1
    Emerge
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    Chaos of Conflicting Thoughts

    3 works i posted a reply to:

    mindless
    bad andy
    whitelighting

    Ok this peice is very deep, and i hope you guys can get all the metaphors and fully comprehend the lines.

    I'm dead awake sleeping, deep thoughts creep in
    Apathetic weaping, glorious vicacious reaping
    Boundless imperfections, un-unified sections
    Uncontagious infections, unneeded painless injections
    Intact thoughts shattered, mind under matter
    Decending stepless ladders, atomic bonds scattered
    Illiterate idiot producing genious literature compositions
    Weak spirited strong willed uncunning running competition
    Moronic oblique dissing, a microphone who won't listen
    Polished diamond mind...that glitters but fails to glisten
    Honest vandals lying, immortal memories dying
    Dry-eyed crying,...wing-less angels flying
    A sunny day clouded, a messiah's preachings doubted
    A whisper being shouted, religious ideas rerouted
    Families united in hate, pearly gates turn to discriminate
    Brothers that can't relate, an undestined clear fate
    How can this be?,... Is my mind's eye blind?
    What is the key?... To rewind time's line?
    Surviving my body rots, empty stomach in endless knots
    These are the effects in manifesting Chaos of Conflicting Thoughts

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    New Writejist Song - Tito Ortiz

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  2. December 4th, 2003, 02:31 AM #2
    The Realist
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    I'm dead awake sleeping, deep thoughts creep in
    Apathetic weaping, glorious vicacious reaping
    Boundless imperfections, un-unified sections
    Uncontagious infections, unneeded painless injections
    Intact thoughts shattered, mind under matter
    Decending stepless ladders, atomic bonds scattered

    after that it went bad....

    the imagry was well dont here and the idea was good
    stick to a rhyme scheme next time.... the initial part had great flow and was working well for you

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  3. December 4th, 2003, 02:34 AM #3
    Emerge
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    yeah i used a scheme it went like this:
    a-a
    a-a
    b-b
    b-b
    c-c
    c-c
    d-e
    d-e
    f-f
    f
    g-g
    g-g
    h-h
    h-h
    i-i
    i-i
    j-k
    j-k
    L-L
    L

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    New Writejist Song - Tito Ortiz

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  4. December 4th, 2003, 04:37 AM #4
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    uppin

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  5. December 4th, 2003, 04:44 AM #5
    *Y_nOt*
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    sssssshhhhhhhiiiiiiittttttt.......I thought this shit was dope as fuk son.

    "Boundless imperfections, un-unified sections
    Uncontagious infections, unneeded painless injections
    Intact thoughts shattered, mind under matter
    Decending stepless ladders, atomic bonds scattered
    Illiterate idiot producing genious literature compositions
    Weak spirited strong willed uncunning running competition"

    ^^^shit was def hot right their. You had some nice vocab and wordplay. I also like the tone and the feelin of this peice.....i like shit that makes you think nah mean. You also had some hella nice imagry as well kid. A nice ass drop without a doubt.....keep it up and be easy son, 1
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  6. December 4th, 2003, 04:22 PM #6
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    thanks man upp

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  7. December 4th, 2003, 07:59 PM #7
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    Originally posted by ...::ĖMĖRGĖ::...
    thanks man upp

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    New Writejist Song - Tito Ortiz

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  8. December 4th, 2003, 08:08 PM #8
    chris_6t9r
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    Originally posted by The Realist
    I'm dead awake sleeping, deep thoughts creep in
    Apathetic weaping, glorious vicacious reaping
    Boundless imperfections, un-unified sections
    Uncontagious infections, unneeded painless injections
    Intact thoughts shattered, mind under matter
    Decending stepless ladders, atomic bonds scattered

    after that it went bad....

    the imagry was well dont here and the idea was good
    stick to a rhyme scheme next time.... the initial part had great flow and was working well for you
    That's what I think man, the whole thing started of great, but then it kind of died down and got a little boring at the end. And the rhyme schem at the end wasn't that great either. Maybe you just need to go back and re-word a few things.
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  9. December 4th, 2003, 08:34 PM #9
    Emerge
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    it was more of a poetic piece...and the flow works great i did it to a beat...pay attention to the words and the message more

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    New Writejist Song - Tito Ortiz

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  10. December 4th, 2003, 11:19 PM #10
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    upppp

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  11. December 5th, 2003, 01:30 AM #11
    Mistral
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    Yeah i agree with Y_Not this was real good man.....you structured this nicely i thought.......your flow was a bit off but it made up for itself with your multies i liked those man....i was feeling this as i read through it, it made me think about things....Your vocab in this was nice man, keep at that...and your imaginary was good in this.....overall this was a nice piece....keep at it.
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  12. December 5th, 2003, 01:53 AM #12
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    /\ thanks

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  13. December 5th, 2003, 04:28 AM #13
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    upp

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  14. December 5th, 2003, 10:21 AM #14
    Noxx
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    i really like ur vocabulry used and the flow was good
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  15. December 5th, 2003, 05:21 PM #15
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    /\gay feedback



    upp

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