First Time Rhyme

[Noxx]

Remember im a very white person


concieve to recieve wat uve been decieved
ive seen wat you youve weaved from ur own two hands
ur damands have caused the fall of many men
that had the rights plans to full fill their dreams
wat they have seen
of the money the fame that shames the true game
but true fame is spittin wat you feel and what u know
not about the money the cars and the hoes
cuz you know
(pause)

chorus x3
(the true artform of spittin rhymes)


labels trappin tru thugs into flauntin there street dreams
and its seems that dreams turn into to record sceams
cuz even I will stick tru to wat I've been thru
cant u see its not good to be wat u see but to be who u be
see wat i mean or have u seen......

thats it so far i just wrote it when i started posting like 5 min

when u criticize it remember im a very white person

[Maven.]

you have to reply to three other open mics, and post links to your replies in this thread, or it gets deleted.
oh, and don't be self concious about being white, most of the people on this site are.
thanks.

["MoLoToV"]

tru,im half white,n u kinda makin us sound very fukked up,like we aint possed 2 b rappin,so fix dat pronto kila,cuz white niggaz comin thru...as far as ya flow,ya vocab waz aiight in the very beginin but da way u wrote da shit it didnt seem 2 fit 2getha ya kno,felt forced,da rest waz simple as far as lyrics go,but it all flowed 2getha on da same level,if i waz u id work on smoothin ya flow out,1~IMAG

[BadAndy]

Reminds me of this guy I knew out in Quebec. Guy called himself nocturn, and he'd go by names like yours sometimes. If that's your 5 minute rhymes, I'd like to read something you put time in on, cuz that topped some other shit I seen here.

[Mr.W.Rong]

flow wasnt too bad but it wasnt long enuf to really get that edge....but the topic was aight and ya came good near the end
rating=7

[chris_6t9r]

That's right, it was too short and not enough to it. And buy the way, who cares if you're white? I'm white too.lol.

[Noxx]

i know its people at meh school call me a wigger and it pisses me off no offense and sorry bout da 3 post rule thing