"The Final Kiss"

[Reason.]

Replies:
LoCo - "Love Me"
Camarac - "Music is Dieing"
Jay-R - "Reverse Psychology" (all worth the read I might add)

This song is dedicated to my ex-girl of 2 years. it was a very abrupt break up, and I wish it never happened, she was th eonly stability in my life...vibe with me.

Verse One-

When it rains it pours; shoulder’s strained from the force-
Of the weight of the world, on the blades of a corps-
I’m just the shell of a man I was, I came and I saw-
But I’ve yet to conquer myself; ashamed of a loss-
Haunted by hatred and all this anger causes stress-
I ran into this shit, and never paused for breath-
Heaven’s stairways guided by the flagrant halls of death-
I’m drowning and Katrina, you’re the anchor on my neck-
I can’t be what I want, but my supremacy reigns-
My train of thought wrecked, and left my memory stained-
Words blend in the page, emotion vented through rage-
I sit and envision times that since have decayed-
My temper enflames my thoughts, picture me caged-
In by a female’s persuasion to get me to stay-
Yea right, it’s no use I’m to into my ways-
This is our final kiss, my life’s symphony plays-

Hook (Not Yet Written)

Verse Two-

Maybe I shouldn’t have took you for granted, face it I died-
When I asked you to forgive me, and you stated “Goodbye”-
This is too much to take I’m aching inside-
I feel like I got stabbed with a stake in my side-
Internally bleeding, I think we both know the cause-
I changed, and you showed no hope when I called-
My rash actions, got me ready to relapse, asking-
God to grant me one more potion: That’s all-
That I really need to make it through this pain I’ve soaked-
Into every pore in my body, till it stained my soul-
Begging Heaven for the utmost strength and hope-
Forget hope, I just want some more strength to cope-
This is beyond cruel and unusual no one’s to blame-
But myself, Thank you for just throwing away-
The only thing you had to live for, throw in the chains-
Is this love, or am I just going slowly insane? –

Hook (Not Yet Written)


I hope everyone can feel my pain, I'm gonan write verse three soon.



-depression is hell-

[LoCo]

pretty tight... I was actually lookin for one of your pieces, because you replied to everyones tracks wit constructive criticsm..
I actually liked this alot, yea nigga i feel ur pain girls got that specially wen u love em...
but at the end is feeled a lil forced:
Maybe I shouldn’t have took you for granted, face it I died-
When I asked you to forgive me, and you stated “Goodbye”-

[Double D 27]

i feel you in this. depression sucks but overall that stuff is tight. work on it and get a hook and 3rd verse. i feel your lyrics.

[phoenixstar9]

i think this was tight makes me want to look at my relationship in another way

[Reason.]

^no doubt, I wish I would've knew then what i know now, maybe things would be different. Thanks for the replies y'all. I appreciate it.




-memories suck ass-

[Reason.]

Zzzzzzzzzzzz




-bed of nails-

[Edicius]

Was an nice drop, ..some good vocab used, ..topic ..like it, ..cud use some more flow at some points, but it was a nice read ..

[Reason.]

Thanks, I appreciate it. I need to find a beat for it, I'll polish it up after I get one.

Up

[13th Disciple]

i think u need to lose that name....cuz 13th...belongs to me......
everybody knows that....

[Baxter D. Wall]

on the contrary, you registered 11 days after he did.

[Endeva.]

i agree this was a nice drop, the flow fell off a bit,,, but on the whole i thought it good with some nice vocab........not too keen on the hook, ...but..........Pz

[13th Disciple]

Originally posted by Dezyir
on the contrary, you registered 11 days after he did.

tru enough....BUT.....i been here while he been somewhere else...

[rule]

damn...you hit hard in this....you could really feel the emotion...amazing read....keep that up...i'll be looking to read more from you...pz stay up

[M_80]

YO....on da real i think this was a nice piece da rhyme scheme was poetic and and it was on point wit da feeling that it expressed...yo on da real homie i felt ur pain cuz i ve been there too so this piece came direct so on da real i think it was ill....nice work

illest line in this piece: Maybe I shouldn’t have took you for granted, face it I died-
When I asked you to forgive me, and you stated “Goodbye”-

[Brandon Heat]

not bad... good flow... I don't really reply to stuff... so this was cool...