new RENEGADE (remix)

[obsenity]

ay yall im remixing the JAYZ and EMINEM track "RENEGADE" but in text and im lookin for someone to collab with on it so holla. you'll need 2 verses. 1 verse with 10 bars (20 lines) and the other with 8 bars (16 lines) juss like i'll need so holla at me

the open mics i voted on were:
Sthash-my aim is
Jay-R-mic life
Jay-R-12 Line Keystyle


LOOKIN FOR A COLLABO
and im not done i still need 1 more verse

I’m the only rapper my age that’s classified as urban//
Disturbin, my generations’ methods of learnin//
Cuz I blaze fires and keep herb burnin//
A renegade for certain, never show wen I’m hurtin//
But I cant help it if I’m far further intriguing//
Than a bunch a dickheads have our youth completely misleading//
Pleading and bleeding// dragged around kicking and screaming//
Drownin in the hazards of dreaming// they beg us to keep reading//
When actually my blood has been heating// I been battered and beaten//
My spinal fluids been leaking// Hunched over everybody’s critiquing//
I watched for years as the hatred grew worse//
The sun set the moon dropped and I worked on my verse//
Yall had ya fun but there’s a new king to be crowned//
Everything I bring through my sound// RENEGADE for all 200 pounds//
I’m alive by surprise failed to open my eyes//
I been a RENEGADE for most a my life, till da day of my demise//
I been played through da lies// but I got a big hung set//
Was rewarded for something I haven’t done yet//
Da skill to work words, and structure my lines//
Rupture some spines, a RENEGADE for some time//

dats all i got for now...

LOOKIN FOR A COLLABO

some feedback

[sthash]

nice verse blud , if u looking 4 a collab i will yeh
the rhyme was heavy but u could of used a more multis to make it more interesting, but if u could get me sum audios of u i will send u some from me yeh. aight safe blud

[obsenity]

alrite homie thanks for the feedback and yea fo sho if u wanna collab lemme know we could do this dawg peace.

MORE FEEDBACK PLEASE

[Mistral]

yeah this was alright....you should try to keep your lines around the same length though, it helps the flow and structure of the piece, but yours was good though...vocab was pretty good, up it still though...overall this was alright...keep at it...and keep dropping.

[Provoked Images]

if u were goin eminem or jay-z, u were off but hey, not many match up anywayz...

tha piece was aight, had to be read quicker than Renegade for me to catch tha flow but as soon as i did it was a nice read, props and keep elavatin...

[Av1r3x]

ill drop,good vocab and multis.Ya sh!t just flowed over real well:

-Than a bunch a dickheads have our youth completely misleading//
Pleading and bleeding// dragged around kicking and screaming//
Drownin in the hazards of dreaming// they beg us to keep reading//
When actually my blood has been heating// I been battered and beaten//
My spinal fluids been leaking// Hunched over everybody’s critiquing// -

loved readin it.keep writin,Stay ^
-Avi

[obsenity]

ay yall thanks a lot for the comments and feedback i appreciate it a lot and would like some more and uppin for sthash to spit his peice.

MORE FEEDBACK

[obsenity]

i need some feedback and sthash' verse damn it.....................

HOLLA THE FUCK AT ME

[obsenity]

ay yall come on i need more feedback and sthash's verse for this collaboration. COME ON YALL

HOLLA

[Epic_Last_Donz]

yo that piece is pretty nice i mean it doesn't go wit the beat i would say or title or compare to em and Jay's vesrse's but i mean who can ya'mean and if u want a callbo holla at me iight ~1

[SinfiC]

Yo Obsenity,
That was nice still. I am interested in talking to you a bit about some collabo work and shit. I like the method... Anyways get back to me on it.... I'll give you a link to a url..

[obsenity]

feedback yall come on __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ ______

come on lets go

COLLABO STILL OPEN CUZ STHAS HAVENT ANSWERED

[obsenity]

gimme some fuckin feedback yall. come on. i give feedback all over come yall return da foavor. and still open for da collabo

[obsenity]

feedback
__________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ ________

[Split]

oh fuck ya... nice drop, you could use some elevation, rhyming the same word sequence over and over again made it sound semi-noobish, but it was still hott...
~pvt