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Thread: [week 4] Bribeone1 (2-1) vs Mystery~murdera (2-1)

  1. #1
    I Am The Light deacon's Avatar
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    [week 4] Bribeone1 (2-1) vs Mystery~murdera (2-1)

    Topic: All Of This Is Circumstance

    due date: saturday
    judging ends: monday

    make it dope......................
    softfocus



    while you write to rapbattles I perform on stage

    How's it feel to lack in comparison?............

  2. #2
    ......................... bribeone's Avatar
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    Yayy we get assigned topics .......

    In M~M lets make this good
    Bribeone
    Artificial Intelligence

  3. #3
    The League's Bill Parcell
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    fa shizzle my bizzle



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  4. #4
    ......................... bribeone's Avatar
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    Topic: All Of This Is Circumstance

    Young charming bachelor had it right with all moves.
    edged my way into hearts and left gashing bold grooves.
    impressions the soothe, thought I was smooth but slipped.
    sipped on the wrong wine and on my own two feet I tripped.
    I knew I was wrong, she was completely different from all.
    when others fell to my charm, she just kept her heart cold.
    Story unfolds to a blossoming flower thats grown to be bitter.
    quarreling on inside me when outside I wanted to hit her.
    but I'm not a quitter I was entrapped with hope for true love.
    meanwhile i was being decked with hate from a push 2 a shove.
    above, were those who truly cared advicing me she wasn't it.
    but when I saw the exit shed be there at the door facing in.
    Finnally after years at it, the door opened and i saw out.
    the heart that was frozen solid got heat and was thawed out.
    years of drought for feeling left me full of emotion once released.
    all of this is circumstance to my true joy, My beautiful kid..........
    Bribeone
    Artificial Intelligence

  5. #5
    The League's Bill Parcell
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    nice drop my man, I aint feelin this topic but I'll try n drop today...



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  6. #6
    The League's Bill Parcell
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    not feelin this topic. keyin.

    All of This is Circumstance

    Twan thought he was the man, fuck a circumstance
    he was his own man, never give up on his plans
    dance with fate, n sleep with sin, felt the evil seepin in
    but couldn't cease his grin, faced life with an open smile
    broke as hell, but was rich in thought with no denial
    bust him? he bust back? ... till he got smoked - at trial

    his visions broken, and his platinum dreams shattered
    he just wanted to rep strong, shit he had to be a rapper
    had an open shot at life, how could he miss the shit?
    sat in a cell confused... this is what rappers do isn't it?
    no... came the voice, Twan's ears perk - he listens
    big n pac visits... bullshit nah gotta be visions
    but it goes on, lemme explain our real dreams and visions
    slowly but surely he learns rap aint just smoke, screams, and bitches

    10 year laters

    28 now, Twans outa jail, outa this cell, made bail
    everybody say TWs on a different level, excelled he's real
    speakin the truth and the truth speaks through him
    Fame started as a leak then the stream grew in
    See thourgh him a new lyricist was born n raised
    His lyrics spoke for him not the Blood, Scornz, n Rapes

    But if theres one thing I've learned from man
    it's all of this is just circumstance
    no beaf but the heat definately burned this man
    Left on his body was a pen left firm in hand

    Some spite me, some really feel where I'm writing from
    Lord forbid they feel me too much... see I'm 17 and afraid
    cuz the good die young

    blah, whatdya think?



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  7. #7
    The League's Bill Parcell
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    uppin this here



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  8. #8
    The League's Bill Parcell
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    up 1 mo gain



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  9. #9
    Eye Am Dope Walter Wall's Avatar
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    Bribe - Nice take on the topic, dope imagery/storytelling
    and the flow and structure were all in places
    metaphors were abundant and I enjoyed the piece (especially the bombshell at the end)

    M~M - You seemed out of your element here, hardly any metaphors and basic imagery and a storyline ive heard on many a Jay-Z b side. I wasnt feelin ure piece and I could tell you werent feelin the topic. Keep elevatin though.

    Vote - Bribe

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  10. #10
    The League's Bill Parcell
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    well thanx for the vote,

    uppin



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  11. #11
    Key-Low
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    ok drops by both, solid stories, ok wordplay, mystery had sum nyce ideas with good metas', bribe had sum deep imagery, close battle, tha breakdown:

    Bribeone- Rhyme Scheme: 6, Flow: 6.5, Story, 7.5, Total: 20
    Mystery M- Rhyme Scheme: 7.5, Flow: 6.5, Story: 7, Total: 21

    My vote goes to Mystery, his contents won it, with a solid story, bribe one work on your wordplay and rhyme scheme, no hate, may tha best man win, peep my verse, stay real, peace, 1

  12. #12
    I found a prefix!!!! f-gee's Avatar
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    both did good on this
    bribe..imagery wordplay was good..wasnt liking the rhyme scheme i have to say...was choppy..but the story and content were pretty dope and the ending was a great twist
    didnt see it coming

    mystery...lacked in imagery and word play....a pretty simple piece
    however the rhyme structure and flow helped it alot...was still a good read...quite a good ending to it as well
    but...i think bribe won this with better content
    although neither stories were original so to speak

    props to both
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  13. #13
    The League's Bill Parcell
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    good battle here



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  14. #14
    -.'real.- Sureal's Avatar
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    I Think That M~M Took It.
    His Verse Had More Of A
    Feel To It. It Had A Good Feel.
    The Writing Was Good.
    And I Think Most Aspects
    Out did Bribe's.

    vote - M~M
    .WP.
    .. It' Still Perfect..

  15. #15
    =)
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    I Have To Agree.. Close Shit Here
    And You Both Are My Boys But When
    it Comes Down To It.. Im Gunna
    Have To Swing To MM Here.. Really
    Dope Battle But MM Story Hooked
    Me In Real Quick. Took Me A Lil While
    For Bribes' But Yet, He Came Dope
    None The Less...

    Vote - M~M
    Artificial Intelligence.

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