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Thread: peace within peace

  1. #1
    Newbie
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    peace within peace

    listen my guardian angel usually know how i feel talkn to my spirit or sumthing
    wen ya puffin on dro worth stuffing in a j my homey askd 1st
    gave him the paper took it n rollld it i call it a tree shits tighter
    then a virgin n none of us got girlfriends hollah jah alrdy got our love
    puff puff give n go people tell me take it to the brain
    but it makes me wanna cough some more
    jus a 360 circle of homeys attitude fuck it vibe good
    conversation always gud subjects talkn bout mortal combat
    why they dident let u use liu kangs numchucks
    wat up some homeys come head nodding handing me some dro
    wat oh that alien technology that sounded dope
    it smelling stronger lungs feel wit hope but we alrdy blown
    no pressure full body releave stressor
    bad shit that u did telln us witout asking herb confesor
    im here to hear but really without yall n me n the herb
    feel better together yah haha even witout it its growing feel me

  2. #2
    Newbie
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    Aug 2010
    Location
    Beijing, China
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    Re: peace within peace

    I think this could use some grammatical, spelling, and punctuation corrections, because it obscures the meaning and impact of the piece itself. I couldn't quite clearly decipher any message or denote any rhymescheme from it.

  3. #3
    Burning Tracks Since 96' Moonkloud's Avatar
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    Re: peace within peace

    With words one should ask ourself what do we add to the conversation when we say things. This piece was a little confusing. Ide try more rime sckemes and poetic devices.

    Keep getting up !

  4. #4
    Never Stop Illustrious.'s Avatar
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    11-1

    Re: peace within peace

    you really need to review your writing...seems like a lot of mistakes. but for the story it was mehhh. could be more detailed and story like.

  5. #5

    Southern Sports Medicine Tn

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  6. #6
    _Al_GO_RYTHMIC Scripter's Avatar
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    0-3

    Re: peace within peace

    Yeah I agree with everyone else this was a waste of my time, although in the beginning it did have some good flow

    listen my guardian angel usually know how i feel talkn to my spirit or sumthing
    wen ya puffin on dro worth stuffing in a j my homey askd 1st
    gave him the paper took it n rollld
    After that I didn't understand much of it.

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