Words to live by.

[3rdstreet]

Well umm this is my first time here so bear with me.

Happiness turns to sadness.Give me morphine I cant take the pain.Sadness turns to depression.I think I lost my child help me find my mind.Depression turns to Anxiety,your to scared to face the truth.Anxiety turns to confusion.You cant seem to figure out why your the way you are.you blame society.Confusion turns into Anger.My anger is more great then lucifer trapped in his infernal chains.Anger turns to Fury.Im the Norse god of Valhalla but I have been lied upon.I blame Loki who tricked me.Fury turns to Fear.I cant seem to close my eyes am I blind?Words to live by before you pull the trigger.I live in this 6 by 12,trapped in the cage like a screeching parrot.I pray to god to set my soul free but the crossing hands has been set to a distance?How many miles do I have to go to receive my freedom and eternal bliss.Words to live by.

[C#]

Hey, I suggest dividing your posts into paragraphs and spacing out the sentences. Right now, it looks like a massive jumble of words.

Good imagery in relations to mythological references in comparison. Your sentences are abrupt and short though, and it stutters the entire flow of the piece itself (kind of like starting and stopping; the little voice in my head reading this also does that) I suggest elongating some of your sentences.

Other than that, a good start.

[Moonkloud]

I agree more structure will help the flow of your piece.
I can get where ur going though, Try some more perfect rhymes to start..

Keep Getting Up