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Thread: A Common Thread

  1. #1
    The Birth Of Creation WhatsHisFace's Avatar
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    A Common Thread

    A Common Thread

    Act I
    A Fresh Start

    Breaths of fresh air under a clear blue sky.
    The wind softly sighs as strangers pass by.
    But not me, as she and I locked eye to eye.
    A magnificent women, beautiful, no reason to deny.
    No control of my nerves or my words, I struggle to reply.
    She smiles and we talk for awhile. I hated saying goodbye.
    We parted ways until a couple days we re-connected.
    We traded phone numbers, my wing-man was cupid.
    Never-ending conversations all in one text message.
    When my parents fought, she was their to heal the damage.
    Atlantis was always where she was, so I was always on a voyage.
    The Goddess of Love she was, so Aphrodite held my heart hostage.
    Deaf I was, advice from my friends I never took.
    “She has a good cover, but she's a terrible book.”
    Blind I was, their doubt expressed but my head just shook.
    “She never gave back to you after all the things she took”
    To focused to make a dream a reality so I ignored what they said.
    She always made me happy, we shared A Common Thread.

    Act IIThe Common Thread

    Soft laughs and sighs over the telephone.
    Our voice's never made us never fell alone.
    But it all of it seemed familiar with each milestone.
    Doubt had grown, and infected my every bone.
    Rushed questions demanding her soul to be shown.
    Then she confessed, her past was similar to my own.
    Alcoholic fathers and being lonely at a young age.
    We both shared the affects of our dad's painful rage.
    We both shared the effects of living with loneliness.
    A Common Thread was now binding between us.
    The face of change soon made it towards our way.
    Our silence grew between us each passing day.
    Soon she found another person to replace me.
    I became clingy and angry, all to make her see what I see.
    Desperately, I tried to revive something that was already dead.
    I kept holding on to This Weak and Thin Common Thread.

    Act IIIAcceptance

    Alcohol, Cigarettes and Cough Syrup made me numb.
    The rhythm of dead silence became our anthem.
    By rejecting all my friends wisdom, I felt lonesome.
    Prays for my salvation never even reached God's kingdom.
    Confusion built steel bars, Why has Aphrodite put me in prison?
    So I wrote in poem accepting my fate and their I found freedom.
    I left to a third world country, ironically ,in poverty.
    The trail and tribulations created a strong hope for of me.
    Strangely, all the things that made me numb, came in handy.
    Strangely, I became carefree from all the strippers and Brandi.
    Pages amongst pages I wrote there, from stories to poetry.
    And that marked the end of my self searching journey.
    Writing became a passion instead of way to vent.
    Dreams of becoming a successful writer came in a instant.
    Reminiscing back at all the small words that were once said.
    I hope you don't forget me, as I cut Our Common Thread.

    Links:
    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...376/index.html
    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...204/index.html
    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...333/index.html
    Last edited by WhatsHisFace; October 25th, 2011 at 03:10 PM
    [youtube]wtjZOf0WmdE[/youtube]

    Music.

  2. #2
    The Birth Of Creation WhatsHisFace's Avatar
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    Re: A Common Thread

    Up, gusse people are confussed with the double thread post. This seperation should help.
    [youtube]wtjZOf0WmdE[/youtube]

    Music.

  3. #3
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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    Re: A Common Thread

    Your feedback in your links needs to get better, I'm telling this to everyone, if feedback doesn't get more detailed, pieces will get closed. Nothing personal.

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


    24 x OM Hall Of Fame

  4. #4
    The Birth Of Creation WhatsHisFace's Avatar
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    Re: A Common Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by The Witness. View Post
    Your feedback in your links needs to get better, I'm telling this to everyone, if feedback doesn't get more detailed, pieces will get closed. Nothing personal.
    Changed the links my dude.
    [youtube]wtjZOf0WmdE[/youtube]

    Music.

  5. #5
    Your just a menime <SamPle>'s Avatar
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    Re: A Common Thread

    A fresh start - first of all i like the fact that you have 3-5 bars with the same rhyme scheme, makes the flow a lot better than just a typical 2 bar ryming, but is harder to switch the ryhme scheme.... good vocab on the ryhmes. no messing around got straight into the metaphors n similes which created good imagery.... did like the parts of the Godess etc and the quotations, not sure maybe went off style abit. the common thread - again good rhying for the start and Mets n Sims, you used better use of multis in this piece which was good, the bars were similar in syllables which mad flow better acceptence - great first to lines real nice, n great ryhming again for first few bars, multis were placed better in thie piece...... vocab was better to. for me this is the best one

  6. #6
    Your just a menime <SamPle>'s Avatar
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    Re: A Common Thread

    this is carrying on from last post, coulnt write mor cause im on PS3 hence why the comment lay out sucks sorry.... last thing, u mentioned " common thread" At the end, i know is your title but felt a bit... not cheesy but sumthing like...... if u were to make a hook it wud be fine.! RF wud be appropriated on any of my recents. PEACE . keep doin wat your good at

  7. #7
    The Birth Of Creation WhatsHisFace's Avatar
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    Re: A Common Thread

    Finally some feedback! Fuck. Thanks bro. Also leave your link here and ill defiantly leave some feed.
    [youtube]wtjZOf0WmdE[/youtube]

    Music.

  8. #8
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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    Re: A Common Thread

    Thanks for following the rules, it's appreciated, and since you did, I'm upping this as a reward, to hopefully get it some more feed.

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


    24 x OM Hall Of Fame

  9. #9
    Your just a menime <SamPle>'s Avatar
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    Re: A Common Thread

    feed much appreicate:

    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre....html?t=460488
    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...html?t=460727#

    obviously you dont have to feed on both.

    come on guys, uppin

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