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Thread: Pass the Torch (143 and Prophet Margin)

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    Drops Bombs Like A-Rabs Prophet Margin's Avatar
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    Post Pass the Torch (143 and Prophet Margin)

    The first verse (including bolded) is 143, the second verse (including italic) is Prophet. Just to clarify, since a couple people have seemed unsure. lol.

    PASS THE TORCH

    I stand on the edge, facing the sunshine
    Reverbing beckoning words that came from a young mind
    Trusting the legacy is a big deal, listless and priceless
    Only deeded in willingness to the righteous
    And my successor has the skills, been crafted through baselines
    Consciousness of steel, scriptures lay broken, molded face time
    This power come with responsibility, humbleness and civility
    Instability will bring soliloquies of dumbness and humility
    Visceral ability instantly grant wishes of grandeur
    I trust he can intimately handle the mission, not hamper
    So I walk to the lab where amongst 808's and 1200's stored
    Reflecting on the platinum tracks and vicious raps were scored
    Crowned the Oratorical King, weighing what passing would bring
    In what fashion it would sting, different voice grafted could sling
    Texting to meet where I hold all my battle tools and arms
    Soon he greet, yet cold, so I sit to sooth the alarm
    Handed a torch that lights when he should spit on the mic
    Respooled with the last scripture that I would write....

    Been to the top, now it's time to come down
    Created a dominant MC out of a class clown
    From mentor to student, you made it prudent
    That you are the next leader of the movement
    With the darkest time with the lackluster rhymes
    You'll fine solace that will fluster other minds
    I will watch how you take the future and make it
    So I pass this torch, destiny born, go and take it



    Old style warriors once dope now reviled
    Too many trials compiled miles on old legs in denial
    Wicked vile rhymes now non-existent; losin their guile
    But the day is saved, turn the page, turn the dial
    Fractional Minutes split degrees and make the segment dope
    Making my presence known, known as the present hope
    Diction of an emperor, yet inspired by what peasants wrote
    Peer thru the 7th scope, behold the half crescent globe
    Section of the nebulous that follows Prophet to the Exodus
    The edifice of Y3K hip hop in full blessedness
    Emphasis on the restlesness of work on dopeness' precipice
    Waiting to be born in full flight and recklesness like Pegasus
    Ossified membranous protection from the best of us
    Spittin in tongues with no forks, but the truth is venemous
    My mics name is Apollo, cuz he lights up the stage
    My pen is Phoenix, cuz he dies rises again, and ignites the page
    Producing words scorching my tongue, then torching the sun
    Job's ancestor; ill fight to death until God force me to run
    An emcee soldier that does more than endorse the gun
    Whack Ass Rap policing action, full intention to enforce the puns
    But what will i do when i lose the gift and they come for me?
    Return to the old teachins of sages preachin like 1-4-3

    Keep that sword sharp, stop sinkin it into your own scripture
    Cuz what the writers written is right if you wrote it, doesnt that figure?
    Never get complacent and lose emnity for the enemy
    Cuz say "all together" and "we" too much and thats the end of "me"


    Since i was young you taught me these lessons every session
    Posession of dope skil was my obsession, our profession
    Demands a balance of expression and agression
    Respectively spiritual and physical in conception
    Finally found direction- able to spit and script the cold horror
    Im ready, battlefield 2012- Pass the Torch old warrior
    Last edited by Prophet Margin; September 24th, 2011 at 04:30 PM

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    Re: Pass the Torch (143 and Prophet Margin)

    Fuck guys that was dope. Prophet, where you been? Haven't seen you since before you dropped out of SS.

    143, nice verse here, loved the multis and internals used in this verse. As per usual vocab is great and flow was damn good. Nice imagery.
    Prophet, last time I read your stuff you were just starting to use a lot more of a rhyme scheme, in the months since I've read your work you've definitely made strides. A fuck load of multis and internals, and great word choices created a stellar flow. Your vocab, as I've known from you, is also top notch. You used great imagery throughout this verse.

    You both did a great job. This was a very intriguing concept, executed beyond my expectations. I see myself reading this three or four more times it was so good. You guys kept my interest peaked from start to finish. Damn near flawless collab in my eyes. Good work you guys.

    Please rtf on my piece "I put a spell on you" you'll see in in the top half of the OM page. 143 I think you already dropped feed so thank you for that.
    infektedpenz


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    Re: Pass the Torch (143 and Prophet Margin)

    Good looks Trajik^^....ill RTF on your piece

    lol and i got busy, i was gone for an extended period, but ive been back a lil while, this is my 3rd or 4th OM ive dropped since i got back

    thanks for the feed man

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    Last edited by Prophet Margin; September 21st, 2011 at 10:22 PM

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    Re: Pass the Torch (143 and Prophet Margin)

    up.

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    Re: Pass the Torch (143 and Prophet Margin)

    damn.. i'll read it again another time for entertainment value, but.. the first thing i noticed was how good the flow and multies were coming across to me.. the vocab was nicely used too.. nothing too simple, and nothing overbearing for me.. also.. this was like simple but complex at the same time to me.. keep writing

    i'll leave a rtf link when i write something new

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    Re: Pass the Torch (143 and Prophet Margin)

    thanks man^

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    Re: Pass the Torch (143 and Prophet Margin)

    Wow, really good flow and great use of multis. Vocab was definitely up there, and this line really caught me:

    This power come with responsibility, humbleness and civility
    Instability will bring soliloquies of dumbness and humility
    "sililoquies: just really caught my eye for some reason, easily my favorite line. Multis were very complex and much better (in my opinion) in the second verse. Not much else I can say, actually one of the best ones I've seen written here (haven't been here long, so don't start getting mad at me guys, I've only seen a few pieces).

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    Re: Pass the Torch (143 and Prophet Margin)

    Good lookin on the feed man^

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    Re: Pass the Torch (143 and Prophet Margin)

    Really?.......this is feed worthy guys. cmon now haha.

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    ::..VOCABULUS..:: 143's Avatar
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    Re: Pass the Torch (143 and Prophet Margin)

    I checking and hitting everyone drops. Uppin


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    Best Topical Writer: 143

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    Trajik Viewz Str8 JackIt's Avatar
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    Re: Pass the Torch (143 and Prophet Margin)

    Been to the top, now it's time to come down
    Created a dominant MC out of a class clown
    From mentor to student, you made it prudent
    That you are the next leader of the movement
    With the darkest time with the lackluster rhymes
    You'll fine solace that will fluster other minds
    I will watch how you take the future and make it
    So I pass this torch, destiny born, go and take it
    great middle segment to keep it flowing into the next verse

    Old style warriors once dope now reviled
    Too many trials compiled miles on old legs in denial
    Wicked vile rhymes now non-existent; losin their guile
    But the day is saved, turn the page, turn the dial
    Fractional Minutes split degrees and make the segment dope
    Making my presence known, known as the present hope
    Diction of an emperor, yet inspired by what peasants wrote
    Peer thru the 7th scope, behold the half crescent globe
    - strong beginning, emotion is empowering

    RTF: http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...210/index.html

    overall: empowering drop, both verses had qoutes but i'm a bout to hit a meeting so i can't get too detailed....good flow on both ends, imagery is nice, strongest emotion in bottom half, i assumes that's 143's part...prophet seems good wit the topicals, he should join SS next season...just saying...

    good drop ya'll....

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    Re: Pass the Torch (143 and Prophet Margin)

    strongest emotion in bottom half, i assumes that's 143's part
    Well you assumed wrong brotha cuz the bottom half is my verse, which i indicated at the top of the thread.

    Uppin
    Last edited by Prophet Margin; September 24th, 2011 at 04:26 PM

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    Drops Bombs Like A-Rabs Prophet Margin's Avatar
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    Re: Pass the Torch (143 and Prophet Margin)

    upp

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    Express'on is EVERYTHING Express'on's Avatar
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    Re: Pass the Torch (143 and Prophet Margin)

    PASS THE TORCH
    I stand on the edge, facing the sunshine
    Reverbing beckoning words that came from a young mind
    Trusting the legacy is a big deal, listless and priceless
    Only deeded in willingness to the righteous

    Nice opening bars...I like the rhyme scheme "reverbing" I like that word...not usual yet instantly acknowledged...its hard to do that...

    And my successor has the skills, been crafted through baselines
    Consciousness of steel, scriptures lay broken, molded face time
    This power come with responsibility, humbleness and civility
    Instability will bring soliloquies of dumbness and humility

    I think you have the wrong "humility" is like respect...I think you were looking for "humorous"...but i understand y u went with humility its a common misconception...

    Visceral ability instantly grant wishes of grandeur
    I trust he can intimately handle the mission, not hamper
    So I walk to the lab where amongst 808's and 1200's stored
    Reflecting on the platinum tracks and vicious raps were scored

    very awkward wording...the first two based on my accent dont rhyme...or r farfetched off-rhymes...Everything in this sec. imo seems forced...

    Crowned the Oratorical King, weighing what passing would bring
    In what fashion it would sting, different voice grafted could sling
    Texting to meet where I hold all my battle tools and arms
    Soon he greet, yet cold, so I sit to sooth the alarm
    Handed a torch that lights when he should spit on the mic
    Respooled with the last scripture that I would write....

    You are imo really struggling to maintain a proper balance of narrative and rhyme scheme...its one line is good narrative but bad scheme the next one is the opposite...also grammer and spelling could def. use a revision.

    Been to the top, now it's time to come down
    Created a dominant MC out of a class clown
    From mentor to student, you made it prudent
    That you are the next leader of the movement
    With the darkest time with the lackluster rhymes
    You'll fine solace that will fluster other minds
    I will watch how you take the future and make it
    So I pass this torch, destiny born, go and take it


    Ok...almost like a subtle chorus...a little bland on the natural rhythm though everything seems so thought out...instead of a free flow...I think this would go a lil better with some internals...

    Old style warriors once dope now reviled
    Too many trials compiled miles on old legs in denial
    Wicked vile rhymes now non-existent; losin their guile
    But the day is saved, turn the page, turn the dial

    "turn the dial" is very forced... and really doesnt make since...unless its one of those first phones after morris code...
    very rhyme scheme oriented...

    Fractional Minutes split degrees and make the segment dope
    Making my presence known, known as the present hope
    Diction of an emperor, yet inspired by what peasants wrote
    Peer thru the 7th scope, behold the half crescent globe

    nice...real nice wordplay...and the 3rd line really stuck out because its smooth as shit...if i would have heard that it would have grabbed my attention on a track right away....

    Section of the nebulous that follows Prophet to the Exodus
    The edifice of Y3K hip hop in full blessedness
    Emphasis on the restlesness of work on dopeness' precipice
    Waiting to be born in full flight and recklesness like Pegasus

    thats a "pamela anderson mouthful"...lol "precipice" was forced but it works I guess...idk just not really a natural feeling word...

    Ossified membranousSERIOUSLY?...LOL...protection from the best of us
    Spittin in tongues with no forks, but the truth is venemous

    I like the second line...though its a pretty cliche concept...n it could be worded better...

    My mics name is Apollo, cuz he lights up the stage
    My pen is Phoenix, cuz he dies rises again, and ignites the page
    Producing words scorching my tongue, then torching the sun
    Job's ancestor; ill fight to death until God force me to run
    An emcee soldier that does more than endorse the gun
    Whack Ass Rap policing action, full intention to enforce the puns
    But what will i do when i lose the gift and they come for me?
    Return to the old teachins of sages preachin like 1-4-3

    A lot more lyrical here...iu can see some of the text battle come out right here...not terrible but absolutely no emotion...or engaging language...imo

    Keep that sword sharp, stop sinkin it into your own scripture
    Cuz what the writers written is right if you wrote it, doesnt that figure?
    Never get complacent and lose emnity for the enemy
    Cuz say "all together" and "we" too much and thats the end of "me"


    I like this little chorus...pretty smooth...exept "doesn't that figure' is forced but not terribly

    Since i was young you taught me these lessons every session
    Posession of dope skil was my obsession, our profession
    Demands a balance of expression and agression
    Respectively spiritual and physical in conception
    Finally found direction- able to spit and script the cold horror
    Im ready, battlefield 2012- Pass the Torch old warrior

    not feeling this end at all...its really everywhere

    the first one was def. a level or 2 ahead of the 2nd one...it had a more natural feel to it...though because of the grammatical and spelling errors it really felt disjointed, after a reread or 2...it came together nice...

    ok the second imma be a little harsh...this was not up to par imo at all...it seemed like u went to a rhyme book and just copied words and used an online thesaurus to add some words...n thats cool if ur familiar with the words...but they were placed sooooo awkwardly it took away any natural feel or natural rhythm that one with those words in their vocab would attempt to draw from.

    Ok so as a final summary... This could def. use some work...on both spelling, grammer, and proper word usage...keep working on it ya'll sorry I just felt like giving my honest opinion
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